To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

[Yope]

I'm really against it.
He's 13, school year 8.
Everything in me says don't let him have these yet. Nor Instagram.
He's got WhstsApp. That's enough. He doesn't need social media at his age.
The way I see it is, the more of this stuff they have on their phones , the more they will be exposed to and the more social shit they'll have to deal with.
But he's getting mocked for it by mates.
A lot.
And this morning I saw a message sent from a mutual friend to another mutual friend with a crying laughing emoji and a piss taking comment about my DS not being allowed to have SM.
I'm not saying never.
I'm just saying not yet.
AIBU?

SC is a completely different kind of platform to WhatsApp and it isn’t just a messaging platform. WhatsApp is really purely messaging and great for group chats and all the information remains in the chat unless manually deleted so it’s good for chatting over a period of time and you can easily add photos or videos but you can’t do video editing in WhatsApp and it doesn’t have gifs and animated captions or half the editing options of SC. It’s very staid and basic but does the job it does well. Good for video chats too.

SC is why Reels and Stories got added to Insta to try to pull users away from SC. You can record stuff in your day and post it to your story and it will stay there for 24 hours for your friends to see. That’s what you post to your profile and your friends who follow you can see that content. The messaging side is separate and it’s good for messaging back and forth with photos or videos because the User Interface is set up to do that in a way that WhatsApp isn’t since WhatsApp is primarily a text messaging platform. However on the messaging on SC, you can only replay a video once unless you pay and a photo message will disappear unless saved in the chat. That’s what makes it such a dangerous platform and why kids shouldn’t be on it because it’s easier to bully and encourage inappropriate behaviour but of course all the platforms make that possible and no teen should have unmonitored or unguided access to social media.

SC like TikTok and Instagram has the ability to edit videos within the App. There are templates to help
you and animated gifs to add, animated captions and you can be really creative with it but TikTok is pretty much leading at the moment as a content creation platform and the content in general is much more varied and there’s more quality content available. Of course it also has lots of crazy filters which SC also has but WhatsApp doesn’t. Instagram also has lots of good content but there’s more academically rich content on TikTok - professors talking about their research etc which I don’t see so much of on Instagram - although some things like the Wes Anderson filming craze (my cat if it was in a Wes Anderson movie or arctic explorers if they were in a Wes Anderson movie etc) crossed over both TikTok and Insta.

For teens who are considering film making or photography or something creative, then starting out making short videos on TikTok and Instagram and now Shorts on YouTube is a fantastic place to learn. TikTok has lots of great learning content for would-be film editors.

it’s a nightmare though at the moment to help keep kids safe on social media. My daughters kept their profiles private and only allowed followers who they already knew in real life. Would definitely not allow SC and try to encourage all teens away from it.

Only on page 4 and already this thread is giving me the rage.
We need to teach young children to spot predators online? Are you fucking serious?? They are extremely open to being manipulated and you cannot watch or check everything they exchange on platforms like SC.

Aside from this, it isn’t just the potential issue of paedophiles. It’s well known that the way these apps run is terrible for developing brains. They zap attention spans and are extremely addictive. The constant dopamine hits are not good plus there is the small matter of what the kids aren’t doing while they are glued to their phones - I.e. not interacting with each other in the real world. There is a reason why the people responsible for creating these apps will not let their own kids use them.

I honestly thought that there was more awareness about this stuff now and I suspect the ones are are vehemently FOR giving this stuff to kids have already done and are burying their heads in the sand about the potential repercussions.

I thought it was well documented and understood now that the massive uptick in MH issues in adolescents directly corresponds with the rise of SM use.

Our 14 and 12 year olds have WA but no SM, they are happier for it… they’ll still keep up with the latest est ‘trends’ via friends.
Hold out as long as you can -

None of my dc have sm . And I have spoken to them openly about the reasons for this.
It is not needed by any stretch. They are not missing out on anything!
But what they are missing is the chances of seeing things they shouldn't. Being exposed to things they should not . And risk of being bullied or harassed by weirdos.
Name one actual plus side to social media?
It's a sad life if we measure a teenagers happiness by apps on a phone!

The only person my Ds WhatsApp’s is me ..he is 17…

your Ds will be seeing TT any way .. you will have no idea what - it’s on his mates phone’ .. Teach him how to use it safely .

i hate snap chat … however set boundaries .. yes they might message on WhatsApp .. but get him to use these safely .. if he sees something on these platforms that upsets him .. he won’t share with you .

With snap chat I downloaded myself first. I have set the family setting. Have an agreement of I can check my DD's phone anytime (she's very good anyway). The family setting is really good and has a sensitive filter on. Before I let her have it I did use it myself for a week with my husband. She mostly uses the funny filters tbh. I have said no huge group chats. These tend to be where things go wrong. It's been fine and she's had it a couple of months now. Any issues I have known of myself have been ones that were set up and not had the right age inserted and parental settings.

At the end of the day it's your choice which social apps your child has access to. I would say that SC imo is no different to what's app other than the filters. They have better settings than a few years ago apparently.

I think as parents of teens we are in uncharted waters. I think there are 2 acceptable paths, each with its own risks and problems.

Path 1 - ban SC and TT. This needs a fairly authoritarian parenting style to enforce and ideally quite tech savvy parents. Your child will be socially 'othered' which will be no big deal to some kids but cause problems for others. Your child may try to access these platforms anyway. If they succeed they will be less likely to come to you with any problems that do result from those apps and you will lose some opportunities to discuss online safety.

Path 2 - allow SC and TT and hope you can educate your children to avoid the harms and that they will come to you with any problems. This needs a successful authoritative parenting style and, again, ideally tech savvy parents. The risk here is that you cannot foresee and forewarn against everything your child will encounter online and you can never be 100% sure they will come to you with problems - or indeed spot problems in the first place.

I think it's one of those screwed if you do and screwed if you don't situations. All you can do is your best and console yourself that either path is better than Path 3 which is to sit back and not take an interest at all.

If you have the family setting the stories feed filters out inappropriate content. I checked this on my DD's SC. Just for information I can see from reading through you don't intend to have the app.

I was also hesitant about the app but like I say I check my DD's phone and it's been absolutely fine. I think it's important to check children's devices and keep communication open so they can talk to you. As you have mentioned your son had a friend that's been unkind. That can happen on any platform.

I hope whatever you decide you have found the discussion helpful.

My 13 year old DD will never have Snapchat but has had tiktock for about 2 years now with no issues but I have set parental controls on it and stopped certain words. The rule is I can look and check whenever I want and I do frequently.

The more you restrict the worse it will be. You need to give them freedom but have open and trusting discussions with them. Don’t be that parent who’s child can’t come to you to talk about things.

My son is 14 and has never had any form of social media. Hes my child and therefore lives by my rules. Social media is literally destroying the brain function and mental health of our children and young people as a society. It is so dangerous. I think it should all be banned for under 18s. Problem is most parents would rather their child be exposed to god knows what depravity on social media just so they don’t have to parent their kids because screens will do it for them. The avenue for bullying that SM opens up is also a huge concern and these parents are total dickheads and are equally a part of the problem. I can’t believe a fully grown adult and furthermore parent would laugh at someone trying to protect their child. Says more about them imo. You need new friends and to be calling these people out.

What the hell have I just read?
SC - I mean, yeah it can be fun for kids but just remember that predators make full use of disappearing messages to not leave a trace and the quick add features to gain access to you young children, there is loads of inappropriate content, people can see you location and teens sending nudes is a common theme on the platform but yeah, other than that it’s absolutely fine
😳

For people using it you can easily turn off the location in the settings.

help.snapchat.com/hc/en-gb/articles/18416565314964-Frequently-Asked-Questions-About-the-European-Digital-Services-Act

This was brought into force in January of this year. I'm unsure when the article you mentioned was posted. As I said I only recently allowed SC for my DD. It's very different to how it used to be. As I said I believe social media still needs parental monitoring and it needs to be set up correctly. I thought it would be useful to share this as it's a recent update.

Personally for me it's a hard no on snapchat and tiktok. Look at what harm can come from them and little to no gain.

I won't allow SC - but have just recently re-allowed TikTok (it was banned for a long time - like a year - after DD was busted trying to get round parental controls) and they all still use WhatsApp in her friends group. I re-allowed TT as she was just going to go scroll it on her friends' phones anyway (or mine) and she's got a good understanding of algorithms and seems to spend her entire time watching videos of terrible airfryer recipe suggestions.

I assume that it can be easily turned back on then?

Okay fine. Take a step back relax and look at the stats. Your insults mean nothing to me.

I’m encouraged you know educated, intelligent, open minded, positive people so you could ‘know my kind’. All the best. You stay positive and uplifting.

Parents can see if the location is on and off. So if a child was to turn a location on (they would have to manually do it in settings) then the parent can just turn it off. If my child did that I would delete the app and explain why. To me it's about explaining the reasons behind it, expectations of trust if they have the app, if they can't follow that the app gets removed.

My DD also said they found having a location on creepy so I'm not personally worried about that.

My three kids have SC and TT, they are 17, 14 and 12. All the group chats are on SC and they all love getting the streaks with their friends. I randomly look at the two youngest ones SC every now and then and I've never found anything that concerns me or found anyone on there that they don't know. They are sensible kids and I've had lots of conversations about using it safely, also told them what happened to a girl near us who was lured by a predator and killed, so they are very aware of the dangers.

Obviously it's up to you as a parent but I personally think it's best to introduce these things while you still have the power to monitor it and teach them how to use it safely

Just a 👍 to this really.

I disagree Snapchat is just used by teenage girls. It’s used by teens as a dating app. So both sexes.

Why oh why do teens need a dating app when they can meet potential dates at school or when they go out? Do they not go out any more? Surely meeting a potential date in person, who they know, is better than using a dating app!

Because that’s how dating is done these days. A hell of a lot happens online before face to face... much more so since the pandemic, when phones were the way to keep in touch with others.

Snapchat is used to ‘chat’ and to talk. Ie chat / talk to one another online - messages (pictorial or written) and call / facetime. Chatting to someone is different to talking to someone. Two people chatting indicates a romantic connection. If talking, it’s friendship only. It is possible to chat to more than one person at once. But once people start meeting up, it’s more usual to only meet with one person… however, strictly speaking, you can do so until exclusive or boyfriend and girlfriend.

There just needs to be rules and monitoring in place to ensure the person is who they say they are. My dd has been on and off chatting to someone 30 miles away for the past year. They’ve never met. They were keen for a while. Then it fizzled. Then it started back up again and fizzled again. For me it’s just a past time.

Only a small minority of teenage boys go on "dates," so DS likely won't be missing much.

I refer to my post just above about chatting whilst never actually meeting up. I don’t believe it is such a small minority by year 12, which at 16 and 17 are still classed as mid teens.