To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

[Yope]

I'm really against it.
He's 13, school year 8.
Everything in me says don't let him have these yet. Nor Instagram.
He's got WhstsApp. That's enough. He doesn't need social media at his age.
The way I see it is, the more of this stuff they have on their phones , the more they will be exposed to and the more social shit they'll have to deal with.
But he's getting mocked for it by mates.
A lot.
And this morning I saw a message sent from a mutual friend to another mutual friend with a crying laughing emoji and a piss taking comment about my DS not being allowed to have SM.
I'm not saying never.
I'm just saying not yet.
AIBU?

They are secondary school. Stop acting like they are toddlers maybe? There is a balance between life lessons and not parenting. Don’t be so silly.

Keeping an open relationship with your kids who are well versed in appropriate and inappropriate online behaviours is far safer than an outright ban that they’re likely to be able to circumvent with their pals anyway.
There are often posts on Mumsnet from people who thought their children were sensible, had the 'chats', knew about online safety, not sending photographs, being aware of strangers.... and yet, their son or daughter sends nudes and the shit hits the fan.

I'm a retired secondary school middle manager. I wouldn't let a child of mine have SC - I know too many horror stories.

@Sometimeswinning
Don't be so fucking patronising. I am not being 'silly'.
Secondary school children range from 11 years old. In my world an 11 year old is very much a child.

It's not just about sexual predators, though. Social media erodes friendships by putting the interactions necessary for social development and fulfilment online, where the same benefits aren't felt. It rewires children's brains. Partly this happens by taking time away from other activities that they would otherwise seek out, and which are beneficial. Partly by flooding their experiences with screen based activities. It also exposed them to an entire world of inappropriate, shocking, and consumption-laden content.

It's absurd to say that unless you have a phone before the age of 14, you will be unable to navigate social media when you do get one. You can't have it both ways. Either online safety is very easy, and there is no reason that a 16 year old can't learn it. Or it's very hard, and it's ridiculous to expect a 13 year old to learn it. Which one is it? All the people saying that it's mollycoddling and more harmful to ban need to explain why they're expecting 12 year olds to achieve something that apparently 16 is already too late to learn.

If the response is "fake apps, kids are just so darn savvy" the response is they can't have fake apps if they don't have a smartphone, or perhaps just check your kids phone on the regular, or buy them a phone where you need to approve the apps.

The people defending use on the basis that everyone else has it: if you had the option of all 12 year olds being phone free would you take It?

Which is great and all but social media is designed to get you addicted to it. Teaching kids internet & SM smarts is not going to cut it. Extensive blocking and time limiting apps help, but it also can't block all the adverts, and kids and adults who have nefarious intentions find ways around them. I know that kids need to learn how to handle the internet and social media as they are growing up into a world reliant on these things, but the longer we can protect young brains from programs designed to alter their brain, the safer. They'll still be perfectly well able to pick up social media at a slightly later age.

It's obviously good to keep your children safe, I'm just saying you don't always know what they're doing on what they're on. When mine got Snapchat I hadn't even heard of it tbh, I only found out later. I don't know when they joined. You could ban it, but all it would take is for them to delete it from their phone screen when they wanted to. I'm just throwing some thoughts out there, because my youngest is over 16 anyway so it's not really as issue for me personally anymore.

My youngest now 23 has two nephews. He says snap chat and tik tok shouldn't be on phones for youngsters. He was absolutely adamant that they were bad news. He's not keen on Roblox either.

Mine don't have it either. They are 14 and 11. I see far too much drama caused by Snapchat at my school and between my daughter's friends. She has definitely been better off out of it.

They have WhatsApp and their friends use they too so they don't miss out.

OP it is not possible to monitor Snap. Good on you for protecting your DS 👏 He will not be left behind 100%. 13 years is young to have a phone, let alone navigate platforms that are set up to make them addictive. I admire you for taking these steps. (Much easier to give in).

I don’t know anything about Snapchat but I don’t even think adults should have tiktok. It’s in some worse than X

I really don't think enough parents are aware of just how much social media affects brain development, and alters the brain's physiology.

Calm down. You protect your child and then randomly introduce them one day to the world of social media. It’s dodgy.

My children know what’s ok and what’s not. I’d be more concerned for your child not having a clue, than my child who knows how to navigate it all.

SC is very dangerous. It's used both by school bullies and by adult predators.

@Sometimeswinning
My children are adults. You have no need to have faux concern about them.

Social media is fast becoming the downfall of mankind. It utterly poisons children's minds, and alters them for the worse.

There'll be no social media or any touchscreen devices in our household. I'm going to get as many parents in my kids' classes at school as I can to abstain from buying phones for as long as possible. Smart phone free childhoods will make for happy children.

I've already recounted this on Mumsnet: I had two 13 yr old female pupils who were convinced that they were communicating with an 11 yr old boy called Tommy. In actual fact, their "friend" was an adult predator.

I really don't think parents in your children's school are going to listen to you about that. How exactly do you plan to make them ban phone? You are only going to embarrass your child.

Banning social media is fine but banning all phones is just silly

As an aside I do think Instagram is one of the safest platforms. I would have much less issue with that.

I feel the algorithm is particularly good. I have a number of different accounts for different interests and the algorithms stay very tight to those topics which I appreciate greatly.

I would have less of an issue with a private monitored insta account. So maybe that’s a compromise to consider.

Yes I have a toddler. We are all signing mandates at nursery stage! I think our generation is going to be quite tight with this.

Your children are adults? You maybe a tad out of touch with things now then.

Yeah my 16 yr old has Instagram. Private account
We had the snap chat isn't safe chat at least 4 times this year. I've told her when she's working, paying for her own phone etc then she can have SC

I think at 13 TT and SC are ok to have. I hate both but youve got to let them live a little. Imo TT is full of inappropriate stuff and also cringeworthy silly dances that people will regret in years to come. SC, as long as privacy is locked down, youve had the chat etc about talking to strangers, sharing personal info/pictures etc, then its how teens communicate.

@Sometimeswinning
Why are you trying to pretend that children are not at serious risk of harm?

I didn't mean ban phones as in go back to writing letters to one another. But if either nobody or not many in your class (my kids attend a one form per year school) has a smart phone, then are you really missing out?

When children need more independence then a non-smart phone will do the job.