Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

Sounds as if they might already be at "dagger heads".

Lol, or at loggers drawn!

Have the groom tell his Mum, that he wants her with him on the morning for support and help.

Sorted.

She should be with the groom helping and supporting him?

The night before our son's wedding my OH was with son and friends. Future DIL was with her Mum and bridesmaids. All having a good time. I was left sitting at home by myself feeling very unwanted and unloved. I had a good cry. Why are MILs so hated, unwanted, no matter what we do or how much we love our DIL.

No! This is special time with YOUR mum, the last time together before you are married. Absolutely not, but I’m old fashioned and believe in values and traditions. Your mum may well have been looking forward to this special time with you.
You have a lifetime ahead with MiL…believe me , it’s a loooong f***g time!!!!! 😉🫣

That's not the op's situation, though, is it?

The night before our son's wedding my OH was with son and friends. Future DIL was with her Mum and bridesmaids. All having a good time. I was left sitting at home by myself feeling very unwanted and unloved. I had a good cry. Why are MILs so hated, unwanted, no matter what we do or how much we love our DIL

Bit of a sweeping generalisation there. Plenty MIL/DIL have good even great relationships.

If you were left feeling miserable like that the night before your sons wedding that's on him, not your DIL

She spent the night before the wedding with her family, that's normal. When my brother got married we went out for dinner as a family the night before then back to my parents where we stayed overnight. I know of loads of other grooms who've done the same

Your son chose not to. That's a conversation you should have had with him at the time. It was him who allowed you to be left alone yet you seem to blame your DIL - THATS probably why so many MIL/DIL don't get on. The DIL gets the blame for the sons thoughtlessness & short comings

Totally agree @Kinneddar

Why are MILs so hated, unwanted, no matter what we do or how much we love our DIL

Er - they aren't @MrsScarecrow . If that is the dynamic between you and your DiL, or you and your MiL, I am sorry, but it certainly isn't the default position.

IME, the night before the wedding is often a time to meet up / spend time with your own family (who are gathering for the wedding). Only you know why your ds chose to exclude you - seems very odd for your ds to not include you if he was spending time with your OH,

We only had a church wedding for MIL - would have been very odd not to include her in things

I think hubby mum s. Just feel a bit out of things as you're obviously closer to your own mum and family. Brides mother h as the day she dreamed of her daughters wedding day. .mil has to sit on side line s..having her hair make up done would be kind . Be glad you have family as lots haven't

That's sad. But I agree. Fathers are involved sons wedding. Stag night's etc. Mil is unwanted at her future daughter in laws preparations. The brides mother has all the fun planning dresses . The reception after . Hair make up . And what has the poor mil got . I know if my son was to get married I would be on the sidelines .And only there to see my son married . Only involved should the bride want me to be . That's how it is . Be kind

Sorry but I think your son and DH were the rude ones here. It should have occurred to them to include you in the morning.

Seems a bit mean 😑 me, my mum, bmaids and MIL all had our make up done together.

I stayed the night before the wedding at my parent's house and my MIL stayed with my extended family locally so we could all get ready and have breakfast together.

Without being too outing, she'd very nearly completely eroded our relationship a few weeks before the wedding, but I wanted to be the bigger person and make her feel welcome...

I get on very well with MIL now but when she was with me picking out wedding flowers for the church and my husband's buttonhole she literally announced: "I have two sons and I want them treated the same!' Aa a consequence my BIL, who was also forced on my DH as best man, has the same buttonhole as my husband. I was too young to stick up for myself properly. But I mean - WTF - not a shrinking violet, that's fir sure.

See I find this so bizarre she didn't spend the night before and morning of with her son. Completely foreign to me! Around here, even if the groom isn't staying in his home, he will still spend the evening before with his family (of both genders), either at a house or in a pub or having a meal, and the bride the same
The bride and groom get ready with their bridal parties and spend a small bit of time with their immediate family before going to the ceremony.

Yeah just say no OP. She's after making it about herself in some way.

It's your wedding. No. I would be very suspicious why she wants to take interest now. Be careful. She might have her own agenda.

I know if my son was to get married I would be on the sidelines .And only there to see my son married . Only involved should the bride want me to be .

But you had your own wedding, did it how you wanted & invited who you wanted to what.

Your son & his fiancee would be doing the same.

Just let her, why exclude???
Seems petty, and a small kindness like this can go a long way

like i said: I'm not being mean.
You need more resiliance if you think that saying someone not related to you need not be invited to your preparations on your wedding day is mean.

well i feel bad for you, that your own son didn't think about your part in it.

But the MIL in this scenario sounds like a bit of a 'mare, tbh.

I know if my son was to get married I would be on the sidelines .And only there to see my son married . Only involved should the bride want me to be . That's how it is . Be kind

so why are MILs often "despised" here? because even when it is their own son's wedding, their DIL gets the blame when he does nothing with his mum.

Honestly, listen to yourselves some of you. How about asking the sons to "be kind" instead of constantly shoving that on women.

Why is your mum invited and not her? Shes just as important as her. I don’t like all this unfairness towards the mother of a son yet mother of the daughter is often favoured. They’re both mums!!
unless there’s more to it.

Because her MIL hasn't bothered with her for the 10 years she's been with her partner. She isn't even bothered about her grandson and never visits, even when she's in the neighbourhood.