Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

Definitely not unreasonable.
I paid for mine to have hers done separately. It's a precious time getting ready the morning of your wedding and you want to be relaxed and enjoy it without having anyone there that you don't really want or feel obliged to have there. Your day, your rules!

Yes! I don’t know there was such a thing at weddings. I remember the photographer asking me if I wanted pictures of me getting ready and I thought that quite strange so said no. He met me at the church as I got out the car.

Nope, the morning before your wedding is the time to laugh, and share all your memories with your girls..maybe talk about the ones that got away..recount stories about the nutty things you have done in your crazy single years..and relax. None of which you can do if you have your mother in law glowering in the corner.

Unless she's a horrible person, I'd just include her. Why not be kind? Would it really ruin your day to have her involved? She's going to be your MIL, grandmother to your children, if you have any. I wouldn't start my marriage by excluding my husband's mother when she's asked to be involved.

Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable or welcome? There are always two sides to every story...

Why would she be ‘glowering in the corner’? You sound very unkind. She is more likely to be happy and that she is there with the other ‘girls’ and has been included.

Very mean spirited.

My daughters both have wonderful MILs who they love dearly. We love them too. However, as I explained early my daughters just had their bridesmaids when they were getting ready. The MILs were with their sons and sons siblings creating a lovely morning for their family.

Oh ffs! Why would MiL be glowering a corner? And the hen do is the time/place for all the chats and stories. The focus is on getting ready.

The OP has said that she has been with her partner for 10 years and they have a child which her MIL has never bothered with. She will visit family living in neighbouring streets to the OP and her family but she never visits her son, DIL or grandson.

As it's not even traditional to have your MIL in the bridal party, why on earth would OP want her MIL there who has clearly shown over the previous 10 years that she couldn't care less about OP and her family.

My friend (MIL of bride) was not invited for make up etc and was truly devastated. I would involve her.

Why was she devastated?

Seems such an overreaction to another woman wanting to be with her own mum & own friends for a couple of hours.

Completely agree.
In these circumstances I wouldn't want her at this private special moment.
They are not close and it isn't the norm.

I have heard of MIL's being invited, but it was because they had close loving relationships with their future DILs

Do you just pop in to see her

Works both ways

We don't know whether OP has the sort of relationship with MIL's family members that would mean she could just pop in when her MIL is visiting them.

Although it does work both ways, this does mean that MIL isn't close to the OP and OP isn't close to her MIL so it is perfectly understandable that OP doesn't want her MIL to join her bridal party.

YANBU.

Morning of the wedding is surely for mum, sisters, bridesmaids? That’s what I did, plus we lived in a tiny one bed flat at the time, there was barely room for more than my 2 bridesmaids and parents. DH and his parents/brother were at the reception hotel.

So what happens when you invite her round?

it is not "unnecesarrily mean" don't be soft.

A bride should be surrounded by the people she wants to be there on her wedding morning. MIL doesn't even feature in most people's thoughts. And a MIL should be with her son. Not pushing someone to include her if she hasn't been invited.

And - boo hoo she doesn't have daughters? well I'm not 6 feet tall and slim so i can't be a model. I accept it and move on.

@Dilligas72

Why don't you just be inclusive and have her there, it won't cause any harm. It won't make your morning any less special.

Imagine if your son was getting married and you were excluded from something fun like this, it wouldn't be very nice

but why would anyone invite their MIL? why is that now a thing?
Sure, individual people have close relationships with their MIL, but IME they are just someone related to the one you're going to marry. All wedding preparation is done with family/close friends.

FWIW: my MIL was an old witch and i would no sooner have included her in any of my preparations than i would have cut my nose off. Other people have different relationships.

Surely if your son was getting married, you'd want to be with him? Unless you couldn't be bothered to go and see him even for 5 minutes when you were only 2 streets away

My nephew just got married. My sister (his mum) was not part of the ‘getting ready with the bride’ crew. Mind you, nor was her mum. It was the bride and all her bridesmaids and flower girls.

Like I said @Brefugee , why be so unnecessarily mean?

I’d reserve any feelings of exclusion for my son, brother and husband in that scenario 😢

Unless you want to be at dagger heads with her for the rest of your marriage - invite her along