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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish we hadn’t bought this house

239 replies

wishihadntgottgishouse · 26/10/2024 08:32

I’ve had this thought for a long time now. 2.5 years ago we bought a detached property in a new build area. Tbh we were desperately looking for a home and at that time a house would come on and be sold within days. It was so hard finding a home. I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently).

the thing is the elderly neighbour next to us keeps telling me we got scammed as he’s got the exact same house (new builds all the same) and he paid considerably less than us. He bought his 6 months before us. He keeps telling us other neighbours who bought a better home paid less than us. So we’re the second family to live here and we paid £190k more than the first family who bought it 4 years ago before us. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel really embarrassed when neighbour brings it up. My husband has let the house get ruined as the paintwork had chipped of and shower leaking has caused marks in hallway ceiling. I’m embarrassed of having anyone come in. Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems. I’ve only just gone to work and I don’t earn much.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 26/10/2024 08:33

Your DH is an arsehole.
And stop talking to the neighbour.

Notmanyleftnow · 26/10/2024 08:34

Your problem is not the house.
I'm sorry.
I wonder why you are with someone who respects you so little?

wishihadntgottgishouse · 26/10/2024 08:34

Sorry if not making sense so this home has had another family living here and they sold 4 years after buying so let’s say they bought the property for £600k (not real amount) they sold it and we bought 4 years later for £792k

OP posts:
Couldyounot · 26/10/2024 08:35

DustyLee123 · 26/10/2024 08:33

Your DH is an arsehole.
And stop talking to the neighbour.

Edited

First response, as ever, nails it

Paintbyalphabet · 26/10/2024 08:36

You have a husband problem

cryinglaughing · 26/10/2024 08:36

Tell your neighbour to drip their poison in someone else's ear, you're not interested.

Your DH on the other hand seems a bigger problem 🤔

2dogsandabudgie · 26/10/2024 08:36

How does your neighbour know how much you paid for it? The next time he mentions it tell him that he's being rude and walk away.

Do you and your husband have separate finances, ie separate bank accounts?

user1471538283 · 26/10/2024 08:39

Tell your neighbour to never speak to you again

Then tell your DH he can't have it both ways. Apparently it's his money so his choice of house. So why would you then have to pay to keep it in good condition? What with it being his house

He's in for a shock when he realises that it's not his house at all.

wishihadntgottgishouse · 26/10/2024 08:39

2dogsandabudgie · 26/10/2024 08:36

How does your neighbour know how much you paid for it? The next time he mentions it tell him that he's being rude and walk away.

Do you and your husband have separate finances, ie separate bank accounts?

I think everyone knows everyone’s business here. He might have looked online and saw how much we paid. After he told me first time I looked and he did indeed pay a lot less than us and it was 6 months before us

OP posts:
Dragonflysparkles · 26/10/2024 08:39

2dogsandabudgie · 26/10/2024 08:36

How does your neighbour know how much you paid for it? The next time he mentions it tell him that he's being rude and walk away.

Do you and your husband have separate finances, ie separate bank accounts?

That’s publicly available info? You get it via zoopla or th4 land registry, I thought that was common knowledge.

op, how did your husband let the house get ruined. How is it his fault? Did he do the damage?

it doesn’t sound like you like each other, at all, his comments on money are horrible.

NunyaBeeswax · 26/10/2024 08:39

"I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money"

Listen. Really close now.. real close.. imma whisper...

Any man that said that to me.. would be an ex before the end of the sentence..

Pack up, fuck off and find a perfect little place just for you.

XiCi · 26/10/2024 08:39

Your neighbour is a complete idiot. Does he not realise house prices go up and down? Just completely shut him down next time he mentions it.
Your DH sounds like an abusive wanker

wishihadntgottgishouse · 26/10/2024 08:40

Yes we’ve always had separate bank accounts. Been married 12 years now

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 26/10/2024 08:40

Don't house prices usually go up after the first buyers?
(unless it's a run down place that had the same little old bloke living there for 80 years?).
Your issues aren't with the house.
It's your husband. You're married. Whatever money comes in should be joint. No his money/my money - it's family money.

Worriedmummmm · 26/10/2024 08:41

Three things:

  1. It is not unusual for new builds to go up a few hundred K 4 years after being built - at least in my town in the midlands.
  2. Your neighbour is awful - stop talking to him
  3. You need to divorce your husband and use your (ie what he previously thought of as ‘his’) money to buy a property that you like.

Honestly, your DH is awful, he doesn’t respect you and he is financially abusing you. You appear to also have an awful neighbour-this is just coincidence. You don’t need to put up with this and once you have left him, you will never regret it.

Didimum · 26/10/2024 08:42

You are in a very bad marriage. That’s your issue, not the house. You sound complacent over being downtrodden and undervalued by him.

As an aside, £190k means nothing unless we know the % difference. 2021-2022 was a very volatile time for house prices.

wishihadntgottgishouse · 26/10/2024 08:42

Neighbour keeps saying new builds about depreciate in value and keeps pointing out the house that has been on sale for past year with no buyers.

OP posts:
SlowPonies · 26/10/2024 08:44

Well done for posting OP. Hopefully the good advice and comments will help you get a different perspective on this problem.

Your neighbour is being deliberately mean to you. He perhaps gets a kick out of doing this to you. Block him. Don’t be afraid to be rude to him, walk away when he speaks to you.

Your husband is a problem you have to address. Does he give you money for the children, day to day expenses, “housekeeping”?

BabyCloud · 26/10/2024 08:44

House prices have increased massively in recent years.

Ignore your neighbour.

RobinHood19 · 26/10/2024 08:45

Your neighbour is annoying, stop talking to him.

Your husband sounds controlling financially, and I’d be willing to bet emotionally also. You’re married and there’s no my money / your money, surely? He’s going to live in a house with a leaking shower unless his wife pays for repairing it?

lechatnoir · 26/10/2024 08:45

You're focusing your attention on the wrong person here - just ignore your neighbour or tell him you don't wish to discuss houses prices anymore thank you. Your OH on the other hand sounds a manipulative bastard and you'd be well advised to leave and buy your own place.
Do you have children?

Wahey79 · 26/10/2024 08:46

I have never posted on a thread before but please listen to PPs’ comments on your husband’s attitude. You deserve better, and his approach to your finances is disrespectful and very troubling. Please educate yourself on financial abuse.

Sharptonguedwoman · 26/10/2024 08:47

2dogsandabudgie · 26/10/2024 08:36

How does your neighbour know how much you paid for it? The next time he mentions it tell him that he's being rude and walk away.

Do you and your husband have separate finances, ie separate bank accounts?

Probably from RightMove and there's another site that tells you what the house last sold for-or simply the previous neighbours told him.
But yes, the neighbour is stunningly unhelpful.

RitzyMcFee · 26/10/2024 08:47

wishihadntgottgishouse · 26/10/2024 08:42

Neighbour keeps saying new builds about depreciate in value and keeps pointing out the house that has been on sale for past year with no buyers.

So what? Is he Kirsty Allsop?

My neighbour used to throw rocks at us and shout racist things but he wasn't right, he was a dick.

Keroppi · 26/10/2024 08:47

You are overly concerned with the neighbour when you should be getting a full time job in order to leave your husband
I understand it's hard. But he doesn't value you
Fortunately the courts would value your contribution as a sahm upon divorce. You'd probably be better off financially

It doesn't matter if you overpaid for your house. It's better than renting. It will probably stay the same value - or it won't- who cares as long as the mortgage gets paid and you have a roof over your families head. Someone will buy it if you put it up to sell it - you guys bought yours. Think about all the people who bought during lockdown and paid over the odds

In terms of the house looking scruffy either DIY it or save to pay for a painter. It's not difficult to get a long brush and paint over leak marks

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