To wish we hadn’t bought this house

[wishihadntgottgishouse]

I’ve had this thought for a long time now. 2.5 years ago we bought a detached property in a new build area. Tbh we were desperately looking for a home and at that time a house would come on and be sold within days. It was so hard finding a home. I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently).

the thing is the elderly neighbour next to us keeps telling me we got scammed as he’s got the exact same house (new builds all the same) and he paid considerably less than us. He bought his 6 months before us. He keeps telling us other neighbours who bought a better home paid less than us. So we’re the second family to live here and we paid £190k more than the first family who bought it 4 years ago before us. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel really embarrassed when neighbour brings it up. My husband has let the house get ruined as the paintwork had chipped of and shower leaking has caused marks in hallway ceiling. I’m embarrassed of having anyone come in. Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems. I’ve only just gone to work and I don’t earn much.

Your neighbour is a dick.

Your husband is an even bigger dick , because he's supposed to be your partner and love you.

The house is probably fine.

Ignore the first , start making plans to leave the seconds and let it go with the third.

Comparison is the theft of joy (so are rubbish husbands though!)
It's quite common for houses to go up in value over 4 years, if we sold our house now it would be worth about £100-£120k more than when we bought it 5 years ago.

Ask your nosy neighbour how on earth he knows how much you paid for your house - seriously, next time he brings the subject up, ask him how he knows.

Won't he just tell her and then she will have to say 'ok'.

If he hasn't looked it up online then perhaps the former owners told him. It's unlikely he found out through rifling through their bins.

I think trying to be just a mad as him is a mistake to be honest. But then I've had experience with terrible neighbours and I don't think you can win because you aren't nuts.

Neighbour is an arse.
You might have bought in a bit of a bubble. Defo a thing post covid but long term you will be fine.
Get some quotes for the repairs needed. Give them to dh and discuss the importance of maintaining your investment.

You're focusing on the wrong issue. Your husband is the problem here. Can you really not see that?

Assuming you bought the property with a mortgage did the mortgage company value the house in the region of what you paid for it?

I wouldn't worry about what the neighbour thinks, it's nothing to do with him anyway.

Next time neighbour says anything reply “ we love this house it’s our home, it’s worth every penny to us”

as for your husband, he’s the biggest worry, his money in deed that needs sorting. It’s 50% your home, and if he wants to keep all his money for himself he can pay a housekeeper/nanny so you can go back to work.

tbh, I never really say this, but get rid of husband, and get you and your children a new neighbour

Surely you also made big money selling your previous home though?

Like everyone else says, regret over purchasing the property is a bit pointless as it's in the past. There may be reasons for the change in price and in a way, who cares anyway? Maybe you had more extras on the new build that they don't know about - who knows? You can't go back and buy it cheaper.

Your husband does sound pretty bad though. Would you like to leave? Could you afford to? Presumably it would be a change in lifestyle for you, but personally I would prefer to be my own boss in a two bed little flat, than being bullied by some bloke in a 6 bedroom detached luxury new build.....

It doesn't matter what you paid for the house and how it compares to your neighbours.

The issue is your dh.

Sorry if not making sense so this home has had another family living here and they sold 4 years after buying so let’s say they bought the property for £600k (not real amount) they sold it and we bought 4 years later for £792k

Well yes that's how the property market works? Especially 2.5 years ago, as you said it was still the post covid frenzy. Property is an investment, it's a risk, it pays off more for some than others, yes the previous owners got lucky with the timing (though presumably paid more for where they ended up also)I assume you got a mortgage? Your lender wouldn't have lent you what they did if they felt it was overpriced, they would have downvalued it.

You contribute. You staying at home enables him to work and focus on his work. If you didn't you'd have far less income to pay for childcare and he'd have less time to focus on work. I get so sick of hearing this about husbands who work and their partner is home to raise the kids, like that in itself isn't work and often the least mentally stimulating work at times!

House wise, perhaps you paid more but that's what happens in this economy, inflated prices and changes mean some people pay more for the same house than someone else did years if not months earlier. Your husband is the problem, and your elderly neighbour. If your neighbour brings it up again just shut it down with a "and what would you like me to do with that information?" He's a fool. So is your husband, can't believe he pulled the he is paying card on something so important as a house purchase, it'll be your home top where you raise your kids.

Get back to work pronto

And then start plotting your exit

@wishihadntgottgishouse I'm really sorry you feel so bad about this.
It sounds like your husband has beaten you down in thoughts and actions to think you are the lower value partner in this relationship.
What is really happening is you have given thousands and thousands of pounds worth of free childcare to your children. Usually nearly as much cost as a full time job for multiple children nursery.
THIS has been your contribution PLUS the loss of job "worth" as your career has taken this hit while his obviously has not. You have sacrificed your career for his.
If he cannot see this or has gaslit you into believing it yourself then he is an abusive wanker.
Please don't let him put you down so much this way. The money he brings in is only possible because you do /did the very hard childcare.

As for house prices..... That was covid times and a whole different world. The world and prices for everything were mad. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You bought a house in terrible times.

As for the neighbour.... Really think why are you letting him poison your thoughts. Don't.
Have minimal conversations with him. Some people get on a one track conversation and repeat and repeat but this doesn't mean you have to listen. If someone makes you feel shitty when you talk to them you don't have to listen. Why get insulted / upset every time? You have no "duty" to listen or be nice to them. Be very cordial.... grey rock them.
Terse, polite.... Morning... Gotta dash. Sorry can't stop to chat busy, .... Feign your phone going off and having to take a call. Just don't let them in to your head to peck at you.
And dont let your shitty husband do the same either. I'm glad you've got a job now. Can you consider going full time?

This.

You didn't like the house but your DH said clearly it was his money and you didn't contribute as a SAHM. Why are you then making it your problem?

Unless you have a lot of money, it's rare to buy the perfect house when you get the opening foot into the market. We've all compromised on location, price and what we wanted when we bought our first property.

You are listening too much to neighbours instead of enjoying your house.

That’s how it works, house prices go up. They also might have done things to it to increase the value

House prices rose rapidly in the years around covid so I don’t think an increase like that is to be unexpected, depending what area you are in.

Your biggest problem is your husband not respecting your opinion.

Your husband is a cunt

You're a family unit, you're a married couple, it's not just his money and it's not just his house. Regardless of separate accounts, the divorce courts consider it joint money and assets. You were not some freeloading SAHM, you were working for free to take care of your joint home and joint children to facilitate him being to work, to pay for the joint home and joint children you own together as a legally joined couple.

And your husband knows it too! That's why he's being such a cunt. His bullying keeps you right where he wants you - feeling downtrodden and inferior. It's how he keeps the control over everything.

But now you know your husband is a cunt, and that actually you own half of everything, so you can take that knowledge and make changes.

The neighbour is a bellend as well. But that ones easily solved. Just tell him to fuck off. He's just a thicko who needs to shut his cake hole.

Your problem shouldn't be regretting the house, it should be regretting the cunt you married. But again, it can be solved. You can divorce him.

And just in case I didn't really get my point across well enough...

Your husband's a cunt.

When the neighbour next approaches you re the house just say yes you have mentioned it before but we are happy in the house thank you. Then walk away.
Your husband cannot say you do not contribute as you are bringing up his children. That is a job. If he doesn’t listen to your concerns I would look to increase your part time hours and leave him eventually.

You do contribute - how much would you pay an excellent nanny for all these years of childcare to enable his career? I hope he gives you at least that amount, start stashing it away to get your own place for when if you divorce. The house is legally 50% yours.

I paid £550k for a house that the previous owners paid £400k for 5 years earlier - maybe the neighbour hasn't heard of this thing called inflation.

The problems you describe sound fairly normal wear and tear and nothing to be embarrassed about. I thought you were going to say it was an awful area with no amenities and the garden was flooding and there's no storage and the windows don't fit properly and some of the things that sometimes come with new housing, but chipped paint and leaky bathrooms are no unusual. We live in an Edwardian terrace and we had all of that within a few years of redecorated.

TBH I think you need to let go of the price thing - it cost what it cost and you neighbour is being snide old git going on about it.

❤️ nailed it

Never mind the house. You should be wishing you never married your DH!
Any DH that says “my money” doesn’t deserve to be married.

Also, your neighbour is taking out of his arse. You bought your house for the value that it was at the time. House prices fluctuate! My neighbour bought their house for 120k more than we paid for ours 5 years prior, and we paid 40k more than another neighbour paid 1 year prior.
That’s the housing market for you

Your husband sounds really nasty.
Forget your neighbour.
Call Womens aid for a chat because you sound as if you are in a controlling abusive relationship.

When we bought our house I felt like we over payed. It was a buyers market but we ended up paying over the asking price. We wanted the house ultimately and the vendor wasn’t budging.
It bothered me for a while but we’ve been here 12 years now and it’s certainly increased in value. So ignore the neighbour. The house is not the problem.

Your husband on the other hand is the problem