To wish we hadn’t bought this house

[wishihadntgottgishouse]

I’ve had this thought for a long time now. 2.5 years ago we bought a detached property in a new build area. Tbh we were desperately looking for a home and at that time a house would come on and be sold within days. It was so hard finding a home. I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently).

the thing is the elderly neighbour next to us keeps telling me we got scammed as he’s got the exact same house (new builds all the same) and he paid considerably less than us. He bought his 6 months before us. He keeps telling us other neighbours who bought a better home paid less than us. So we’re the second family to live here and we paid £190k more than the first family who bought it 4 years ago before us. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel really embarrassed when neighbour brings it up. My husband has let the house get ruined as the paintwork had chipped of and shower leaking has caused marks in hallway ceiling. I’m embarrassed of having anyone come in. Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems. I’ve only just gone to work and I don’t earn much.

Pay for a house what you can afford and what it is worth to you at that time! I would calmly inform my neighbour I had no intention of moving therefore pay little to no attention to the market. Dont rise to the prick- he’ll get bored.

Is the house in your name aswel as your husbands?

Your husband sounds like a jerk.

I think I’d be getting my ducks in order.

Have you costed your contribution as tho you were a nanny to his kids?

Your husband is the issue here. If he chose the house and you had no input then he is being abusive. If it now needs maintenance and he won't arrange it then he's also being abusive. Why? Because he can't have this all his own way. He wants the house he wants, but demands you sort out the maintenance.
What else does he do that is unreasonable?

It’s very clear your neighbour is no economist. Let me guess he’s a man? You’re stuck between 2 imbeciles. 1 you can tell it’s none of his business and stop engaging. The other you can have a serious conversation with as he seems equally unintelligent to think all marital value sits with him.

Ignore the stupid neighbour, he seems obsessed. The simple fact is that house prices fluctuate. Is the house in joint names?

How is it not your house. You are married. His house is your house.

It doesn't have to be, they're married.

Slightly off topic here...Your DH saying that "it's his money and you don't contribute" has given me the rage. I presume that you were the one looking after the kids 24/7 (and sacrificing your career, earning ability and pension payments), thus facilitating his ability to work, further his career and get "his" money, without him having to worry about childcare, covering days when the kids were sick etc? How bloody dare he say that you don't contribute!! You contribute massively.

My lovely DF had a high flying job in banking (very high income, lots of work overseas, long hours etc). I'm the 3rd of 4 siblings, and my DM was an SAHM from when I was born (she had worked when my older two siblings were younger but a back injury put paid to that). My DF never ever disrespected the contribution she made to the family as he was very aware it enabled him to be able to provide for the family and further his career, and he made sure that we knew that too. He ensured that her name was put on property they owned etc. He also ensured that they had joint and personal accounts, he paid into a private pension and savings for her (accounts solely in her name) and never once said anything about it all being "his money", as if it were not for her, he wouldn't be able to work in that job. He never once questioned if they needed maintenance work on the house etc. He ensured that Mum got time to go away to see her family, do her hobbies and see her friends. They worked around each other to support each other and were a bloody brilliant team.

I'm the breadwinner myself (and a single mum) and I know the cost of childcare, the cost of having to juggle work and parenting (i.e. when your kid is sick and you have to stay home with them)...and how only now that my kids are a bit older/more independent (and I'm not relying on childcare), I'm able to progress my career and earning potential. You make a huge contribution....don't ever forget it x

As for your house value....who cares? None of anyone's business, so ignore the neighbour! Surely if it is your home, and you plan to stay there long term, it shouldn't matter what it's value is, as long as mortgage payments are kept up etc...it's a home and a roof over your head. Sod what the neighbour thinks!! Are you able to DIY the painting? I need to look into doing some painting in my house! It bloody needs it!

I am in a group of new builds. I have looked up what others paid and I did pay more than my attached neighbour and some others. But I know they are relatives of the builder! - I bite the bullet.

Ignore the neighbour. I find it bizarre that he should keep telling you - once is entirely enough.

I am sorry that you are married to such an unpleasant man. Only you can decide what to do about that.

Stop talking to this annoying busybody know-it-all.

But your real problem is your awful husband. Try to find out where you stand if you divorce him.

It's quite easy to find out you just look at sold prices for the street and rightmove has them all listed.

To the creepy neighbour... "Yes, we bought it outright." Or just smile and mn headtilt.

The jobber you live with is the real problem. It won't be long before he starts putting the pressure on for you to work more hours and you'll be stuck doing everything for the children and firefighting a house which is falling into disrepair.

It happened to me. I left.

Easy for others to say hurtful things. Difficulty is letting the comments go over your head. Result is you're more likely to get beaten down.
Time to start putting some work in. Concentrate on you, your resilience and confidence, your life with your kids and what you want for the future.

Your dh is awful 😳😳😳😳

My OH bought his new build house as the second owner for considerably cheaper than the original owners bought it for.
That was because it had been broken into, and the owners wanted rid of it quickly as they weren’t comfortable living there anymore.
Neighbour potentially may not know the full story.

You do know that house prices fluctuate?
What is the market value now?

My home is worth about ten times what I paid for it - but if I sell it I won't be ripping off whoever I sell it to - what a bizarre attitude.
When I purchased it, it was from someone who'd purchased it as an investment and lost about 25% of their purchase price over 8 years - but they may have made good with rental income.

I think maybe I'd bury him under the patio, sell the house, and take all the cash. And tell your neighbour to piss off.

The house is equally yours.

Your money is joint

He's a pig

You are focussing on the wrong issue

Your dh and neighbour are both twats. Plus I hate hearing about husbands controlling their wives’ money unless there’s a v good reason for it.

Fwiw we live in a new build - barely anything around at the time, we had buyers for ours and I felt dh pressured me to move here ‘there’s nothing else we can afford, etc’ - not so much on the money side as we have joint accounts etc, but I felt like there wasn’t an alternative at the time (I wasn’t working then either as had recently been made redundant).
I do wish I’d stuck to my guns though as the house hasn’t increased in value at all and if anything it has depreciated. If I won £250k tmw I’d move no question - sell this, have no mortgage - boom! Dh would come too.
Neighbours two doors down got their similar house for bargain basement price as the vendors were desperate to sell so has brought down the overall value of the block.

Your neighbour is a twat. Ignore him.

Your husband...well words fail me.

House prices rise over 4 years.

First houses on new build estates have years of building all around them. dust, noise etc.

Just tell him how smart he was to get such a bargain and you will definitely ask his opinion before buying a house in the future.

Smug and rude, just ignore him, or get your DH to talk to him since he bought the house.

1. paying more than someone did before you is usual- that is house price inflation.
2. it isn’t your DH’s money. It is your joint assets. He lost the right to have ‘his’ money the day he married you. Whether the money is in single or joint accounts is semantics.

Your neighbour is a t*. Ignore him and don’t speak to him anymore - my boomer neighbours frequently said how little they paid for their house 67 years ago and how I paid an extortionate amount. You get them on all streets - new build or not.

cut yourself some slack OP- you acted on the best information you had at the time. I bought 2.5 years ago too- it was an absolute nightmare - house prices were increasing at stupid amounts, everything going to BAFO and having to compete with folk paying way over the value. You needed to move and you got a house 👍🏻

if it helps with the feelings of regret - I don’t love the house I bought in that period either. If we had been buying now we wouldn’t have bought the houses we did - but that’s how it falls sometimes and we couldn’t stay in the stressful situation of house buying any longer. Maybe look at the positives your home brings to help you come to terms with it - it brings a home for you and your family, security from eviction, a place you can make your own, financial security.

i do think you need a discussion with your DH about the ‘I work so it’s my money’ mentality - it’s not his money it’s both of yours as you both contribute to the household in different ways.