To wish we hadn’t bought this house

[wishihadntgottgishouse]

I’ve had this thought for a long time now. 2.5 years ago we bought a detached property in a new build area. Tbh we were desperately looking for a home and at that time a house would come on and be sold within days. It was so hard finding a home. I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently).

the thing is the elderly neighbour next to us keeps telling me we got scammed as he’s got the exact same house (new builds all the same) and he paid considerably less than us. He bought his 6 months before us. He keeps telling us other neighbours who bought a better home paid less than us. So we’re the second family to live here and we paid £190k more than the first family who bought it 4 years ago before us. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel really embarrassed when neighbour brings it up. My husband has let the house get ruined as the paintwork had chipped of and shower leaking has caused marks in hallway ceiling. I’m embarrassed of having anyone come in. Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems. I’ve only just gone to work and I don’t earn much.

Your husband, when you are divorcing him, will suddenly understand that any equity in the house is half yours.

Let the new owners deal with the neighbours.

House prices will fall in the future. I can't tell you when, and I can't tell you how much, but they will fall. It shouldn't make any difference to anyone though, unless it makes it difficult to remortgage or move, because they're temporarily in negative equity.

The OP and her DH may have overpaid for the house. I've always taken the view that I'm only ever going to buy a house a tiny number of times in my life, and so I'm obviously not going to be good at buying houses, or valuing them. So I had better concentrate on the aspects that are important to me. Will the house keep me warm and dry? Will I be happy living there? Can I afford it?

I don't want to be done over, but realistically, as long as the house is right for me, then it doesn't make too much difference if I pay a bit more than the market price. In return I get the things that are important to me.

So my advice to the OP would be to concentrate on the things that are important to her. Does she really care whether they overpaid for the house? I can see that the neighbour is being annoying about it, but the problem is the neighbour, not the price paid for the house, I think. So the OP might consider what they can do to stop the neighbour from hassling them about the purchase price.

It does seem like the OP is bothered about the maintenance of the house - something that would be an issue for any house that you would buy. Here the problem is the DH, who needs to recognise that the house is a shared asset, and maintenance for the house is a shared decision to be paid for by family money. You're married. His money is family money.

DH and I sold our old house at a loss during COVID. We moved into our new house that we love. We found out the people who bought our house sold it the following year for £75,000 more than we got. A couple of years later it is valued at nearly £175,000 more than we sold it for because a lot more people are moving into the area so demand is high.

I felt bad about it but DH pointed out that we wouldn't have the house we love if we hadn't sold the old house at that time.

If you love your new house and are happy living there, you paid the price for getting that particular house. It doesn't matter what other people paid for their houses, you have the house you want. And house prices go up and down all the time.

You bought a home, not an investment.

Your neighbour and your DH sound like jackasses. I would stop discussing house prices with them.

They won’t. As no government and the bank will not allow it due to the impact on the economy. You might see minor drops and increases, but the only thing you can bet your life on is in the mid to long term property prices will increase.

So what? I had a neighbour delightedly tell me he bought his house 10 years ago much less than I paid for mine. Yea well 10 years ago that's what the prices were at!
Next time your neighbour starts on this be quite straight with him: 'Thank you Jim you have mentioned this many times. Do you really want to make me feel bad every time I see you? Market forces change over time and I can't change what we paid for it so I'd appreciate it if you could stop talking about it'.
Your problem is your husband. 'His money'? And why can't you organise repairs?
The house is a symptom of a situation you need to get out of.

I agree with all of this.

Ignore the shit stirring neighbour - he’s just trying to make you feel crap.

Divorce the husband. He has no respect for you or for your care for your children. How does he think he’d be free to earn that money without spending in childcare if you weren’t around?

Sell the house in the divorce, split the equity, lose 180lb of poisonous baggage.

Yes. I don’t know why people keep saying they will fall. They won’t fall dramatically unless for example society as we know it collapses, in which case we will have bigger things to worry about.

The government's capacity to prop up house prices (a) won't last for ever even if they wanted it to and (b) as the numbers of homeowners keeps decreasing due to higher prices making it harder for young people to buy, the political imperative to support high house prices diminishes.

Guess what happens when the majority of voters are young people priced out of home ownership, rather than old people who own their own home?

Just checking, do you have equal access to the household funds or is your husband keeping you poor?

You neighbour is a bully who is making himself feel good at your expense. Seeing your reaction will be firing up his dopamine like nobodies business.

There is no market in the history of capitalism where the prices have always risen with no risk. The UK housing market is no different. People used to say that the housing market in Tokyo was a sure thing.

Just ignore your neighbour. You don't need the stress in your life. Some people are just weird.
Increase your hours if you can and watch YouTube videos to do the DIY or use the extra money to hire someone.
When the house is perfect it will be easier to sell if you want a divorce!

Your husband seems to fundamentally misunderstand how money and possessions work within marriage.

"all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you".

It's not his house, it belongs to both of you. And his money is your money too. If you weren't married it would be different. Why did he agree to marry you if he didn't want to share his finances?

"as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently)."

He's a cunt. It's that simple.

@wishihadntgottgishouse

Your DH is an arsehole, and so is the neighbour. What a stupid thing to say.

Big deal. A house costs more money, 6 months to 12 months after their neighbour bought the exact same one next door. It happens! I know people in my road who paid £175K for their semi-detached 2 bed bungalow in 2011, and their neighbour 2 doors away bought exactly the same style bungalow/same age/same condition etc, for £225K last year. Like 20% more virtually.

Also have a friend who bought a new build in 2016 for £280K - 4 bed end terrace. Her friend bought one down the road - exact one a year later, end terrace 4-bed - £310K. I don't see or hear of the neighbour who got the 2-bed bungalow cheaper 13 years ago - or my friend who got her 4 bed house cheaper in 2016 crowing about it. That's what happens with houses. What a ludicrous attitude to have.

I really don't know what to tell you though if your DH is in control of everything financial and you have no say. I'm so sorry for you, and this is a good argument for women to stay financially independent and not become SAHMs long-term. Works for some, but can backfire.

@wishihadntgottgishouse - why are you giving your neighbour headspace? He’s clearly an unpleasant person so stop listening to him. The housing market is volatile. Houses are worth what buyers will pay for them. You’ve got a home and that’s much better than paying rent monthly.

I’m not sure what’s going on with your DH. Perhaps he’s an arsehole and abusive. Or perhaps he’s tired of hearing that you don’t like your house and you think he paid too much for it. Perhaps he’s tired of you listening to someone who is dripping poison into your ear about the home you bought with your DH. In your DH’s shoes, I might find your attitude to the family home quite annoying/upsetting; there’s actually something a bit childish about it. Perhaps he’s an arsehole but also understandably a bit upset about your attitude to your family home.

And if the house is getting a bit scuffed, then it’s as much your job as your DH’s to look after it, especially if you have some time at home while your DCs are in school.

@Dery

Perhaps he’s tired of you listening to someone who is dripping poison into your ear about the home you bought with your DH. If you haven’t been working, it was your DH’s money which bought the house. In your DH’s shoes, I might find your attitude to the family home quite annoying/upsetting; there’s actually something a bit childish about it.

Did you post this with a straight face?

The OP is married to this man, he is her husband, and the father of her children.

It's not HIS MONEY.. It's family money, and the OP has a say in how and where it's spent. She has a right to an opinion on where she lives FFS!

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Ignorant. There is no such thing as 'his' money, in a marriage.

But I see you have edited your post now

When you're in a bad situation its really easy to focus on something irritating that doesn't matter, as a way of avoiding taking action.
The neighbour sounds unpleasant but you aren't married to him. It doesn't matter what he says, if it wasn't house prices it would be something else.
Start making plans to leave your husband, and don't tell him. You don't have to actually go through with it.

This absolutely! Your neighbour sounds horrible too.

Don’t feel embarrassed at paying more than others! With new builds there is often variation in what people pay for the same house, depending on when it’s bought. I live in a row of identical townhouses. I know we paid less than some neighbours, and considerably more than others ! It’s just how it goes.

If it's his money then he needs to start spending it ... by doing all tge household purchases ... food, clothes, the lot

Deleted my original post. Misread your post. Sorry!

Yeah you are right.

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I think this poster was merely pointing out the DH's hypocrisy

I see that now. Thanks for highlighting that!

@wishihadntgottgishouse but that’s the property market? House prices go up and down over time … I would be more worried about how your husband views your contribution, that’s a far bigger problem from what you’ve said.