To wish we hadn’t bought this house

[wishihadntgottgishouse]

I’ve had this thought for a long time now. 2.5 years ago we bought a detached property in a new build area. Tbh we were desperately looking for a home and at that time a house would come on and be sold within days. It was so hard finding a home. I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently).

the thing is the elderly neighbour next to us keeps telling me we got scammed as he’s got the exact same house (new builds all the same) and he paid considerably less than us. He bought his 6 months before us. He keeps telling us other neighbours who bought a better home paid less than us. So we’re the second family to live here and we paid £190k more than the first family who bought it 4 years ago before us. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel really embarrassed when neighbour brings it up. My husband has let the house get ruined as the paintwork had chipped of and shower leaking has caused marks in hallway ceiling. I’m embarrassed of having anyone come in. Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems. I’ve only just gone to work and I don’t earn much.

I would suggest that you stop doing anything for your DH - cook just for you and the kids none of his laundry etc etc. When he comments point out that he considers you don't contribute so you are no longer contributing. If he has an evening out for a hobby go out before he's due to leave and don't come back until its too late for him to go and explain that as you don't contribute you're not facilitating this any more. Tell him if he wants you to do things he's going to have to pay you to cook,wash, iron and babysit etc. I'd also tell him that his attitude has put you off sex

New builds work like that . They sell the early ones cheaper to get bums on seats .

We lived in one for ten years and we all paid different amounts depending on plot and availability.

I also haggled hard and some others paid the asking price

Also juts reading your second post of course the value has gone up . We paid 435 and sold for 635 a few years later 🤷‍♀️

Stop talking to the neighbour, he sounds a bit obsessive.
And your husband is obviosuly an idiot. You own a house, you deal with the problems that crop up. Everyone knows that.

Hi OP, you really must stop talking to your neighbour re this and don't get involved in the nitty gritty of neighbourly conversations. Otherwise, it will be extremely detrimental to your mental health. STOP LOOKING AND COMPARING.
Matters relating to your husband are clearly an issue. For him to say that he was paying 4 the house while you were a SAHM, that is extremely unfair. Then to suggest that you use your salary to fix things is bloody minded.
I can't give u any advice re your husband; no easy solutions.
Please take care

OP, your neighbour sounds like a bored busybody. You can cut his nonsense short next time by being curt and clear. Ignore going forward if need be.

Your far-from-dear H though, is a proper bellend. Ugh, I would find it hard to even look at him. He is treating you appallingly. Think about this rather than focusing on next door knob head and the house value etc.

I suspect your H is unkind in other areas too..

If you’re concerned get the house valued

Do not speak to your neighbour, he sounds tedious. Selling houses and 'value' is all down to timing. You weren't in the market for your house 4 years ago so what's the point in hankering after that price.

Huge, huge red flags on your 'D'H. He sounds abusive, particularly saying 'you get no say' - what a dickhead.

Honey forget your neighbhour and focus on your arsehole husband!!

I just want to join the chorus of those saying this is not a problem of the house or the neighbour, it is your horrible husband who is the problem.

"DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum"

DON'T CONTRIBUTE????!!! As a SAHM????!!!!

Start charging him the going rate for childcare.

But I divorced my husband for way less (my ex-H fully respected my role as a SAHP), so honestly, my real advice would be to divorce him. His attitude stinks to high heaven.

Your husband sounds horrible.

190k is a lot if the first family paid 60k, not so bad if they paid 6m. The % would be helpful to know.
I also paid too much for a new build many years ago, it happens especially when you're under pressure. They look so shiny and attractive with their 'luxury' floors and fittings that then break a few months later. I'd never buy a new build again! But what's done is done, you can't change what you paid, you need to find a way to reconcile yourself to that.

Now onto the real issue in your post....You are in a marriage where your role was sahm, so you contributed to the family that way. You being a sahm allowed your husband to work. The money he earned is not 'his' money, it's family money. he cannot choose the house or choose not to maintain it based on him being a higher earner. I think you need an honest chat about how you both feel so you can move forward.

I think the house is very much a secondary issue to the husband issue.

You seem to be fixating on the neighbour, and really who gives a f. k what he thinks, your husband in the other hand, do you really think so low of yourself that you put up with that shit get rid of hubby asap buy yourself a little house that’s yours and you can then look after it yourself

A house is worth what someone is prepared to pay. It sounds like if you hadnt paid that price and nabbed the house someone else would have. So everything that comes out of your twat neighbours mouth is irrelevant. Stop listening to him.

Your actual problem is your total prick of a DH who is treating you like shit

Nope. You pay a new house premium usually about ten percent, it’s the builders profit.

Neighbour needs a hobby.

OP, am going to echo PPs and say that you need to stop talking to that neighbour and also your DH sounds like a piece of work. When you’re a partnership with children, you share everything and you’re a team. You’ve been staying at home presumably for childcare and to help keep everything running. I bet he doesn’t do half of what you do. Snide comments about money like that are 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Nobody including your neighbour can say that you paid 'too much' for a house. Prices change all the time and nothing is worth more than someone will pay for it. If the neighbour keeps repeating himself it may be because he is suffering a degree of cognitive decline and keeps forgetting what he's said to you in the past, not because he's insisting on you understanding an important point.
Anyway, you've bought the house now, so all opinions on its value are now irrelevant.
The issues with your husband are far more deserving of your focus.

Why are you listening to your neighbour and letting him get to you, did you not look this up when researching the purchase?

I get that your DH said he earns the money but you could have looked online.

Also, with things being fixed, why don't you have access to a joint household upkeep/emergency fund?

I'm sorry, you work part-time but he says you don't contribute? Who looks after the children? Who tends the house, buys and cooks the food? He obviously isn't. So your contribution to the household is free labor!

My ex-husband profited massively from my staying home with the kids ->being able to pursue his career and have the big, fancy house and two kids which he would not have had, if I had continued to work full-time. Partners like this are LABOR-DIGGERS.

You can buy a special paint for painting over stains.

Your DH sounds like a prick and so does your neighbour to be honest.
You wouldn’t have for a mortgage if you were paying £190k over the value, so it the valuation must have been correct.

Your neighbour is a tool who has clearly discovered how to get to you. Blank him from now on.
Your husband is a poor excuse for a man and you deserve so much better.

It’s all on line. Every sale with the date a house is sold.

Remind your husband that he said it was his money and he was buying it over your objections, so he can use HIS money to repair it. If that doesn't work, you have three choices. Live with it falling apart over your head, pay to have it repaired (the first of MANY times, TBH), or get out. Me? I'd get out. I'm over putting up with men's nonsense.