Wibu to pull my daughter from certain classes

[PepaWepa]

My daughter's year 3. I wrote a post recently regarding ADHD.. to cut a long story short, I've been bringing ADHD up to the school since March 2022 but have been dismissed and ignored with it. At parents evening recently, looking through her books, I noticed her English book was simply full of negative, demotivating comments regarding her work. I enter the parents evening meeting, and they start by telling me how good she is at English, with reading level age of 11 and reading comprehension age of 12.
So I asked about the comments in the book, and they go on to list all the signs of ADHD for why she's not finishing her work etc etc and receiving such comments.
I haven't been able to let it go since, I'm absolutely fuming that they've let her struggle and even more so I'm devastated that my daughter is being left to feel shit at recieving such negative comments in a subject she is so highly capable at. She's so sensitive and I have noticed more recently that she gets frustrated and embarrassed now when she's not able to do something right first time. I feel like all of this has to be contributing.

I want to pull her out of her English classes until they accept and support her properly with an ADHD diagnosis.

To add as I think it's relevant, I also have suspected ADHD, and was expelled from a school age 14 following an incident in English class re me not finishing my work on time. I won't let my daughter face what I had to go through.

Assuming you're in the UK there is no provision for parents to selectively remove their children from some lessons, RE is the exception to this. You can obviously raise your concerns with her school but if you want her to be removed from English lessons then you will have to deregister her from school and Home Educate her full time.

There may not be but I would anyway. I would face whatever comes with that. The school have been absolutely awful over everything I've ever raised with them and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that, but my daughter comes before any rules and regulations.

Just to add, I don't expect them to happily give me permission with this. I'll just tell them my reasons and how they have failed her with their attitude towards the whole thing. I'm willing to face whatever repercussions come with that, and take it higher if I have to. I'm just wondering if this is what's best for my daughter.. I don't care what the school think anymore, they've been truly awful.

Who will be supervising your DD for the 1hr a day that they teach English? If you actually manage to get the school to agree. Also if you are that worried about possible ADHD, and I get it, I moved one of my DC as his old school were brushing my concerns under the carpet, new school are not and can see that there is something, are you doing anything about a diagnosis through drs etc?
Also, everything that NOID said.

I will be.

Yes, I had a referral done through the GP at the end of 2021, however, we moved area in March and had to start the referral again. It was then that I approached the school with my concerns, and they've genuinely been so awful and dismissive of the whole thing that I lost any confidence to pursue it again, until now.

How can being withdrawn from a core subject (how would that work anyway?) help her in any way?

have you been to the GP with your concerns?

It honestly sounds like the best option is to look for a different school.

Most primary schools teach English every day, and not necessarily at the same time, so it won't be a case of just missing school on a particular day or going in late/ pick up early. Both of which will trigger fines and a referral to the local authority.

English is a core subject that all schools must teach, if you want your child to be removed from those lessons you will have to remove her from school entirely.

Are there really no other schools she could attend because your current plan isn't realistic.

Home school then if you think you can do better

Personally, I believe it will do more harm than good and destroy her love of English by being in a class where she's only given such demotivating comments. I know where this leads.

" support her properly with an ADHD diagnosis."
so has she been diagnosed with ADHD, or you are expecting them to diagnose her with what you've decided she has?
Why would ADHD only manifest itself in English?
If you "pull her from lessons" what are you expecting the school to do with her in the meantime?

I would love to, but I won't take from her the social aspects of school.

Is she being assessed for ADHD? Have you spoken with the SENCO to get support put in place while you explore a diagnosis?

How would you removing her for the 1h of English work? You come to school and she sits in your car 11-12 and then goes back in? I don’t think it’s the right solution although I understand you’re frustrated.

What does your daughter need/want to excel in the subject? Can you start there and work to support her to continue?

You either homeschool or find a school which you work together with.
You won't win anything to pull her from one subject.

See your GP with your daughter.

No, that would be a shitty thing to do to your daughter. It would harm her learning, and harm her socially.

If she has ADHD it would need to be present across all lessons and contexts. Are you sure you’re not projecting your experiences onto her? It’s not possible to remove a pupil from English lessons in either case. With very good reason!

@PepaWepa but, how can you remove her from English? How would that make her feel if you were ever successful? Would you go in and sit with her? Would being removed from class make her feel more confident in that subject, do you think? Or could she interpret it as her not being good enough to do it like all of her friends?

You’d likely have to just not send her to school full stop.

With kindness, it sounds like you are having an extreme emotional reaction to this because it’s also triggering for you. Your solution needs to be around a diagnosis and increased communication with her teacher in the meantime, not kicking off and attempting to remove her.

Apart from that, move schools or Home Education.

How does it help your daughter to have her english learning curtailed?

Instead ask what you can do to support her learning. If she struggles to stay on task/finish things, can you practice things at home to help build focus. She may have ADHD and may find that hard, buteveryone can practice and improve, thats even more reason to work on it. Reward and incentivise task completion (small,achievable things) at home to build good habits.

Shielding her from negative comments won't help her in the long run, I have dyslexia and dyspraxia and even at college and university they still add comments like this to your work. It's the school's and teachers'job to show students how they can do better. Sadly the world's not full of positivity and when she enters the working world it will be like this. Also if she's doing well why would you pull her from the subject, can you help her achieve a good GCSE English grade at home?

Teacher here. I'm sorry about what seems like an awful lack of support. But they'll never agree to you pulling her from all English classes. Your best bet is to look for a new school or homeschool. And there is plenty of opportunities for socialising with other kids with homeschooling if you join a local homeschooling group.

What were the reasons given for her not finishing her work?

It'll be ADHD or potentially Autism. I'm going through the assessment for ADHD myself ATM, I'm just waiting to be diagnosed.

It's mainly due to how good she is at English. They say in parents evening and told me themselves how amazing she is, yet her workbook is full of negative comments. She has 3 teachers teach her class over the space of the week, I'm not sure if it's one teacher specifically that is making these comments as her other workbooks were not like this. I asked why the comments were so demotivating and was told that when she's writing stories etc she gets too distracted, gets up to go and do other things, or goes 'off on a tangent' instead of following her story maps, so she finds it hard to sit and write what's required in English as a subject as compared to other subjects.

Op it sounds like the issue isnt English per se, its written work.
Shes great at reading and reading comprehension, but like a lot of year 3 kids, a bit slow and distractable with writing, id bet quite messy too.
This is entirely normal in year 3, which is why the school aren't jumping to refer her for adhd assessment just because you are demanding it.
If she had adhd they'd see the signs across a range of subjects and share your concerns

Have you thought about supporting the school and telling your daughter to try and focus a bit harder and get on with her writing??

You need to find a school with good SEN provision. I kept questioning my son's school with my concerns, stated they were mild etc. They did interventions and said nothing wrong, I still had concerns (that's what 20 years working with SEN does) I then asked what interventions and they admitted none had been done. I have moved him and he has gone from expected throughout in subjects to working towards in all areas and both class teacher and SENCO have voiced concerns as something is there but they cannot pinpoint it precisely yet, they are busy evidence gathering before they call in the Ed Physc. Some schools are shit with spotting extra need, others are great.

The school can't diagnose anything, even if you try and blackmail them with something as ridiculous as 'you're not allowed to teach her English/literacy'.

@PepaWepa a thought.. are you sure it’s not just a pile of red pen corrections? What’s an example of a negative comment? My DD’s English book (a LOT of waffling) is full of red pen corrections and questions/remarks which are there to encourage the little ones to think about how they approached something and in some cases how they could self-correct.

My dd has ADHD. Works to greater depth but could do so much better with good support. However school offer no support whatsoever because she is working at greater depth.

Your best bet is to talk to teacher and say she only responds to positive reinforcement. But apart from that I doubt they'll do much.