To think my mother is awful for walking out on me in the hospital

[dominique36]

Hi, just looking for a little outside perspective. DD2 was in hospital with pneumonia, very scary time. We have very little support. My mum is our only support. She will have her overnight once a month so it’s not like she has her loads.
Its just dawned on me that she is playing a mothers role to my daughter. Not helpful when we are in hospital and I spent ages trying to get an oxygen mask on my toddlers face as her oxygen levels had significantly dropped.
Along comes my mum with a little piece of cheese, I asked her not to give her the cheese, as she has an oxygen mask on and I had a hard time getting it on, DD needed oxygen.
she completely ignored me! Took the mask off and give her the cheese. This had been building up over the 3 days we were in hospital. I told her calmly that I had asked her not to do that and that she was overstepping boundaries. She looked at me with a smirk on her face and said “I can go if you want”, ( she had been coming once a day for a couple of hours so I could see to things at home. I have two other sons) I reply with “do what you want to do”, and with that she walked out! I’m in hospital on my own with a toddler, I have two sons at home that miss me and wanted to see me for an hour. I’ve had no food no shower no clean clothes not slept in days. And I haven’t heard from her since. This has made an already truly awful time even more stressful. I probably won’t hear from her atall as she is so stubborn and ever so controlling. Is it worth making up for the little support I receive or do I just go it alone?

If the child couldn't go a few seconds without an oxygen mask on, she wouldn't be on an oxygen mask.
Her SATS dropped to 83 which is low but not blue on the floor, and given the coughing fit, perfectly expected. The mask is to help bring them up, not to keep her alive per se.

The cheese was a silly idea as she'd just had a coughing fit, and because she should have asked op, but she didn't nearly kill her fod goodness sake

Anyone who “withdraws love” or goes “no contact”
in a case like this, is the “in the wrong”

There is no reason. These people can’t resolve this amicably. If one person refuses, the are the loser who can’t wrangle their brain into reason.

Can't you have a shower at the hospital? When my 3 year-old was in hospital for a week and I stayed with him they allowed me to. Although I did have my husband bring me a change of clothes. You could always wash your undies in the sink and go commando while they dry.
Sorry your little one has pneumonia it is scary. That's what mine had.
I know you said you live a fair ways away but are you able to pop out and find a clothing store/charity shop to grab a shirt and pants/skirt so you have a change?
I hope you and your mom have made up now.

If 2 grown women can't get a mask on a two year old, it's a poor do!

Sorry for what you're going through OP.
She could have overlooked your reaction for the sake of her DGD.

Hope she recovers soon and you can all be home.

Might be worth being friendly with a good neighbour or school mum where you share favours. That's for the future of course. Someone to check in or for the kids to know to call if there's an emergency.

I wouldn’t be apologising. I’d be strapping in
for a solo ride. What kind of grandmother tries to stop a child having her oxygen mask on in favour of a piece of cheese. This was just an effort to undermine you and control the situation regardless of your DDs health needs. She sounds unhinged. I would back right off.

Gosh, I can't believe I'm reading this. OP wants to see her sons because she is their MUM! OP has every right to expect support from her mum. You seem hard and insensitive.
And once a month overnight stay isn't alot IMO
OP, take care and I hope your daughter is better

It sounds like your mum is actually the only person doing anything to support you with your daughter.
Not perfectly and it sounds like you can wind each other up to a fine art.
I think be more appreciative of what she does do for you and she might stop acting the twat to some extent.
Where's your daughter's dad, who should be your primary support with her??!!

This is the sort of thing my father would do - I'm also a single parent. I really do empathise with you. She shouldn't have left and should understand how stressed you must be. Perhaps she didn't like your tone but you don't just leave. I imagine this isn't the first time you've been let down by her.

Emergency foster care exists for the exact situation that you’re describing, what do you think people with no support do if they go into hospital?

Are you seriously suggesting the OP would be better off in foster care than with their grandmother? I mean if you would happily put your children in foster care then I suppose it is okay for you to suggest it. Otherwise not.

Sounds like my mum, could your son come and visit with your 9 year old at the hospital or his dad bring him. I wouldn't not speak to your mum so you could go home. She is having a power trip

She hasn't walked out on you, she has walked out on her grandchildren.

These are extenuating circumstances. Ex can keep the 9 year old while you are dealing with this. Your 19 year old can come and sit with DD while you get a nap, shower and eat. Your mum is ridiculous and what a nasty thing to do, screw her, she is trying to make a point.

Seriously? You think grandparents having a child overnight once a month isn't good enough? A lot of parents would be ecstatic to have that level of support. And the thread has moved on since my comment. Eldest son is autistic so changes things.

Tell me you have never experienced how fucking hard it is to get a distressed child to keep a face mask on without telling me.