Boyfriend lives with me and my kids but is hardly ever here. I genuinely don't know if I'm right or wrong.

[TheKhakiBee]

Hi all. My boyfriend moved in with us about 4 months ago. Everything was fine until then but since he's lived here the dynamic feels so off and I genuinely do not know what to think.
I have three girls from a previous relationship. He isn't working at the moment. He gets up about 11 most days and goes straight out. He spends 2 or 3 hours at the gym/swim/sauna and helps his dad with some work he's having done (house move, alot to be done). He then might go to the pub or out for food etc. I would say most nights he's back about 7.30/8ish - later if he goes to the pub (once the pub shuts). He will also go out at the weekends drinking.

If he then came home and was present with us I don't think it would be an issue, but he comes in, makes food, takes it upstairs and eats and then stays upstairs all night, watching films etc. He won't come and spend time with us. He does cook tea sometimes but again he cooks and then takes his upstairs. I've asked him to spend more time with us, he doesn't want to.

He says I want too much of his time, he doesn't like to have to plan things, he wants to just 'do him' but he doesn't want to break up? He says he's not got kids yet so doesn't want to settle down as if he has - he doesn't want to be 'boring'. I said that fine, but then you shouldn't have got into a committed, cohabiting relationship with someone with children? I want a family.

Any advice please.

To not drip feed - he went through a very serious assault (home invasion) and hasn't worked since. I believe he has undiagnosed PTSD/depression. I don't hold this against him at all and we're not massively struggling financially I just wish he was present.

Sorry Op! He doesn't sound like a keeper!

Throw this one back op
Right to his dad's
What must your children think?

Hes a wrong un you can't fix him

Who is paying council tax?

I bet his Dad asked him to pull his weight, hence why he moved out. £250 a month is nothing!

I don't think you have a partner, sounds much more like a lazy teen boy. It's very, very unattractive.

What example are you setting for your kids! Kick him out!

Kick him out. Your kids deserve better.

Why are you putting up with this?

Fuck me what an utterly shitty example of relationships you are showing your poor daughters. Have some self respect and awareness of what this is doing to your children's future lives.

OP what kind of role model is he for your children?
Your girls will grow into women thinking this is what a relationship is like.
For their sake, if not yours, you need to kick him out.

You are allowing a man to disrespect you, your children and your home.
He is there for convenience and sex and nothing else.
Are you so desperate to in a relationship that you will tolerate this?
Or will you pick your self respect up off the floor and do something about it?
Your children are witnessing this.
You are allowing them to think this is a normal way to behave in a relationship.

but he doesn't want to break up?

Of course not! He's got it made!

Get rid, OP. You owe it to your kids, putting a dead beat before your children.

Dick ain't that great if it's fucking with your family.

This is gonna sound absolutely ridiculous I know, but this actually isn't true. Women (both with and without kids, old and young) are throwing themselves at him. That's not what he's told me and I've blindly believed or me exaggerating. I don't really get it but I if I try and figure it out my thought process looks like this. He's in his mid/late 20s, has a great body and is very attractive, lives in the biggest house in the area and so when he took people back their I guess it gave the impression of wealth or atleast financial security. He's charming. Superficially charming i mean. Everyone who knows him as a friend or acquaintance loves him. He's masculine in his demeanour and behaviour. As crazy as this is there are atleast 3 women I know of who have his name tattooed on them - women he has never officially been in a relationship with. I actually think it's the opposite of love bombing. It's a 'give a little bit of attention and then pull back' thing and he has mastered the art of it.

You've got yourself a useless cocklodger. Kick him out! He's a dickhead and he's a liar - not all men are like this, only the useless selfish ones 🤷‍♀️

This is ridiculous OP.
He's not a responsible adult and his behaviour is very irresponsible and disrespectful. I would not put up with this and I'm not sure why you are?

Let someone else get taken for a ride then. You’ve got 3 kids to be thinking about.

He obviously doesn't want to play dad maybe he should go back to his dad's and you just date. No point having a guy living with you but acting like a teenager in his room all the time it's not fair on your kids.

Before you had kids you can make all the bad decisions you want and screw your own life as much as you want. But as a mother you have a responsibility to put your children first and your not doing this. No wonder why so many people are so screwed up being raised like this

It doesn’t matter what he looks like! He’s a cocklodging loser. Tell him to go off with someone else.

So he is a manipulative fucker as well by the sounds of it.
Also, your update is about HIM
You haven’t mentioned at all anything about how your kids feel about this or how old they are?!

So you’ve shacked up with the local narcissistic fuckboy who is treating like like shit knowing if you won’t tolerate it he can find another star struck mug?

And ate you sure all this time he’s out the house he’s not playing around?

Take him off that pedestal and kick his cocklodging arse into touch.

Every single post is telling you the reality and yet you seem to be ignoring what’s in front of your eyes and updating us all with why he’s so wonderful.

Honestly his dick must be solid platinum and ejaculates champagne for you to still defend him

But so fucking what??? If other women find him so irresistible they can find his life style and put up with his nonsense

come on! You’ve got children - you know they and you deserve better!

So his Dad is moving from the nice big house he could be living in.

Hence he moved to yours.

Taking his food to eat alone is really turning his back on any communal living.

Since he seems so sure about what men do, and that is how he wants to live, I suggest he goes back to his men’s den with his Dad.

He clearly has no difficulty socialising at the pub. Just with you.

How dare he call you ‘needy’ when you cover all his living costs above £250 a month.

Sorry OP, but this is a ridiculous situation. This isn't a relationship. Your poor kids. I would get rid of him, he sounds like a right twat.

Oh give over.

It is staggering that he eats upstairs and doesn’t want a family! Op get rid.

This sounds like the relationship of a couple of teens. Are you really that desperate for a partner that you will put up with this?