God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

[DenimTurtle]

My mum left me in the care of grandparents as a a very young child. My grandparents effectively raised me.

My childhood was awful. Mostly because of my grandfather who was extremely physically abusive - hair pulling, throwing objects, spitting on me to name a few examples. He would make me sleep on the floor as a punishment also. He was very introverted around other adults and I think tried to regain a sense of empowerment by abusing me. The man could just not experience any discomfort without his eyes popping out his head and his whole body puffing up. He was a monster.

Anyway, I left the country as soon as I could.

I returned recently and at the request of my grandmother went to see my grandfather at the retirement home he know lives.

He leads a sad life. Sitting in a chair all day and watching tv.

When I saw him he started getting angry over something minuscule. He started the whole routine of his face going red and I just said “I’ve had enough of this, thank God you’ll probably be dead the next time I’m in England. I can’t stand you”. I touched on how pathetic he and his life was.

Trust me I am a nice person. I donate around £300 each month to charity. I give neighbours kids’ a lift when I can. I just snapped.

Just needed to get off my chest.

People were trying to police and tell me to stop commenting 🤦‍♀️ yes I've already said I believe in karma and yes I believe in eye for an eye, I think I commented that about the Y.R.

Wow that's bad OP. Being abused doesn't mean you have to go on to abuse. Some people manage not to. You chose to do this but presumably this is not the sort of person you want to be. I'm not going to sanction elder abuse under any circumstances. Don't visit him again. And do whatever it takes to deal with your likely very justified feelings without acting on them

@Tink3rbell30 and @BlitheSpirits What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?

Even if you disagreed with what op did, you can surely see that this person is a victim of serious childhood abuse and is suffering. What part of you thought your nasty input was necessary? Surely you could have scrolled past, knowing that what you intended to say would make a hurt person feel worse. ‘Just because I can’ is not a good enough reason for causing hurt to someone with your words.

Well done you! Take your power!
I am so sorry about the abuse over many years from this man.
you sound amazing!

This is not elder abuse ffs.

I can’t understand people who feel pity for horrible old men just because they’re old. They’re still the same horrible men they always were, only difference is time has caught up with them.

You showed him that he no longer has the power to abuse you.

Telling a fuckwit they’re a fuckwit who will not be missed after their final breath isn’t elder abuse. There’s not a special age you turn where all your evil deeds are forgiven without second thought.

If you'd shown an ounce of human compassion for the OP before gleefully condemning her, people wouldn't have told you to just stop. Your inability to see that is quite odd.

Very interesting you chose to play karma for this OP, rather than the really quite different philosophy of "an eye for an eye, tbh you let him off lightly."

To be honest, it feels like OP had a reaction that was entirely based in her own abuse and trauma, and neither karmic energy nor earthly retribution have a single thing to do with it. I hope in time it gives her a sense of closing this chapter and her relationship with him. And I wish her nothing but peace from this monster from here on in.

Good for you. I'm glad he cried.
Not many people get together the guts to make their abusers cry.
Least he can do considering all he did.
Don't go and see him again. He's got the sad boring empty loveless end of life he deserves. Just leave him to it.

He had it coming. Long over due

What does giving to charity and giving lifts to children have anything to do with anything?

Apart from you trying to brag .. odd post.

Anyone smell socks?

GOOD. Now never see him again

What was the intention of your grandmother in asking you to go and see him? Did she say that he'd asked to see you?

I just watched Expats (on Amazon) and one of the characters confronts her dad (abuser) in hospital and he dies a short time later.

Even though she knows she is justified in what she said, and how she said it in a way to increase the maximum input she was still emotionally floored by her actions. Effectively in that moment she behaved the way that he had done all the other ways which was conflicting.

I hope you can feel better in a while, but in the meantime be kind to yourself.

What the actual fuck?

This is what I was trying to get at in the post I made several pages ago. Which episode was that?

Just to add, I have a 'step' dad who was/is a controlling and abusive man to my mum. He's now in a care home ten minutes from me. I have not visited once. Mum has never asked and I wouldn't even to support her. He has ruined her life, or a good chunk of it. He's made his bed as far as I am concerned. I owe him nothing at all. Just glad mum can walk away after he says spiteful vindictive things now. She can go back to her own home and (partly) be free of his coercive nonsense. I mean what do these men expect? What, flowers and wine? Yeah, right. Get the tiny violin out. Not on my bloody watch. If I sound bitter its years of watching mum be bullied into the ground mercilessly.

i ended up caring for my abusive father when he was elderly- it was because i felt obliged not because I loved him.
do not feel you should do something when your heart tell you you otherwise

Don;t berate yourself.

His sobbing was not remorse his sobbing was his own cowardly self pity.

Onwards and upwards for you and carry on being the kind wonderful person you are.

@DenimTurtle YANBU - I so wish I’d had the guts to confront my abuser. You did the right thing.

This. 100%.
Who the hell spits on a child????? That shows you the sort of person he is.

You’ve done nothing wrong, Op, you’re entitled to state your feelings to your abuser. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself.

You’re not serious? Send flowers to a child abuser?

Yep. Send flowers to people who actually deserve them, not abusers.