God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

[DenimTurtle]

My mum left me in the care of grandparents as a a very young child. My grandparents effectively raised me.

My childhood was awful. Mostly because of my grandfather who was extremely physically abusive - hair pulling, throwing objects, spitting on me to name a few examples. He would make me sleep on the floor as a punishment also. He was very introverted around other adults and I think tried to regain a sense of empowerment by abusing me. The man could just not experience any discomfort without his eyes popping out his head and his whole body puffing up. He was a monster.

Anyway, I left the country as soon as I could.

I returned recently and at the request of my grandmother went to see my grandfather at the retirement home he know lives.

He leads a sad life. Sitting in a chair all day and watching tv.

When I saw him he started getting angry over something minuscule. He started the whole routine of his face going red and I just said “I’ve had enough of this, thank God you’ll probably be dead the next time I’m in England. I can’t stand you”. I touched on how pathetic he and his life was.

Trust me I am a nice person. I donate around £300 each month to charity. I give neighbours kids’ a lift when I can. I just snapped.

Just needed to get off my chest.

Which is your opinion, the same as my opinion is that it was pointless and unnecessary. And both opinions are fine.

Meh sounds like he deserved it. Nasty twat.

It takes a really nasty kind of bully to keep posting about karma and arguing about it on a thread like this, having said nothing at all in support of OP. Why are you acting like this? I know you're technically allowed to, but that doesn't mean it's an ok thing to do.

So sorry for what you went through, OP. You did nothing wrong.

Hope karma comes round to you for your victim blaming tbh.

Every reply that hasn’t agreed that the OP was perfectly justified has come across as pretty despicable, so that’s why everyone is now having a go at you.
Karma, innit

I'm just replying to people who keep replying to my comments as I didn't agree with what OP said.

Which is fine but people are trying to police the post 🤦‍♀️ they either want to keep replying to my comments or they don't.

It wouldn't matter what the OP said or did. This is a nasty abusive man. Being old doesn't make any difference. The OP didn't plan this, it came out in response to his behaviour - words she wasn't able to say as a child.

Nobody has blamed OP for what happened to her. I said her in person speech was pointless.

STOP making this about you. Clearly the op has suffered horrendous abuse, your posts are deeply unhelpful.

I'm not, I'm responding to replies. People can stop replying if they don't want me to respond.

U weren't nasty OP, just releasing pent up feelings. Take a deep breath and exhale. Let this go. You have suffered enough. Take care

Good for you.

My grandfather was abusive (SA) and we all trooped on in to see him when he was dying of testicular cancer in hospital (ah the irony). I stood there and felt nothing for him. I had nothing to say to him. That was a direct consequence of his actions towards me as a teen. He had his chance to be a loving grandparent and he more than wasted it, instead choosing to damage a child. A child he had held as a tiny baby! Unforgivable. I was glad he was on his way out frankly. You reap what you sow. You can't expect to be abusive and to have a loving relationship back. It doesn't work like that. I know you might feel bad now, but what you did was to speak your truth, the one you couldn't as a child. I'm proud of you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4991681-january-2024-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

Welcome aboard.

Those sobs are tears of self-pity. Please do not try to analyse it further. Move on and be proud of your life

He reaped what he sowed imo OP

No. Posting something really objectionable and callous to a victim of abuse on an emotional thread and then being all wide-eyed innocent about "but people just keep replying to me!" instead of going away is very transparent. You are not here in good faith, and it's very obvious.

Being old and dependent on carers who may not be kind changes things. It's understandable you wanted to say your say, but it reignited an abusive dynamic. Can you grit your teeth and send him a card and flowers or cologne -- something he can 'show off' to the other service users, without you having to be present or involved. How much does he even remember or is he old enough to be turning babylike? Life is horrible enough sometimes not to heap hurt on hurt. Sounds like neither of you was left feeling good? And no kind of justice can be done to the child you were except you loving and healing yourself and having a good life...

This👆
100% Agreed.

My father was abusive. When I had my DC, I suddenly understood very very clearly how vile and cruel he was to treat me in that way. I wouldn’t never, NEVER treat my DC even half as bad as he treated me.

I think we can get stuck in the perspective of being the frightened child, and so these moments of bravery feel like you’re disobeying. But you aren’t. Really. You aren’t. It sounds like you told him some home truths, that’s all.

You are able to re-parent yourself now to show yourself the kindness you should have been shown as a child.

They do though? If they stopped then I couldn't reply any further really. OP doesn't have to agree with my opinion either.

There are some formerly abusive old people in my family but I've started seeing the vulnerability of the flesh in them and wouldn't want to hurt what they've become just because I have the power now and they don't.

I'm sorry OP, sorry you were put under stress, it's understandable you lashed out and spoke up, maybe you need positive healing, one good memory of unnecessary and slightly mad generosity to draw a line under it all and be the bigger person.

Pointing out that you're talking arrant nonsense on everything from karma definitely exisiting to the apparent equivalence of narcisstic traits and psychosis isn't "policing". It's pointing out your nonsense.

TBH I think it was the brave martyr/crusader post that brought most of the comments.

I hardly do advanced searches but I was curious to see whether you do actually believe in karma or whether it was just a good opportunity to kick a person in distress. Turns out you're up for an eye for an eye and revenge when it suits the narrative.

Don't feel bad, it seems like you needed it. Slightly OT but in a lot cases of elder abuse the motive is revenge.

Do not blame yourself or question your worth, this man had it coming.
I had a similar experience with my mother and your grandad has done well to get away with you only saying that.
He was a massive prick to repeatedly intimidate and degrade a child. What a coward.

Can people please stop quoting Tinkerbell because it is only encouraging her and making half the thread about her.

OP, you were goaded. You stood up for that little girl. He can handle it. Please forgive yourself, and forget it.