God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

[DenimTurtle]

My mum left me in the care of grandparents as a a very young child. My grandparents effectively raised me.

My childhood was awful. Mostly because of my grandfather who was extremely physically abusive - hair pulling, throwing objects, spitting on me to name a few examples. He would make me sleep on the floor as a punishment also. He was very introverted around other adults and I think tried to regain a sense of empowerment by abusing me. The man could just not experience any discomfort without his eyes popping out his head and his whole body puffing up. He was a monster.

Anyway, I left the country as soon as I could.

I returned recently and at the request of my grandmother went to see my grandfather at the retirement home he know lives.

He leads a sad life. Sitting in a chair all day and watching tv.

When I saw him he started getting angry over something minuscule. He started the whole routine of his face going red and I just said “I’ve had enough of this, thank God you’ll probably be dead the next time I’m in England. I can’t stand you”. I touched on how pathetic he and his life was.

Trust me I am a nice person. I donate around £300 each month to charity. I give neighbours kids’ a lift when I can. I just snapped.

Just needed to get off my chest.

This story is horrible OP. As someone who idolised her grandparents, I am so upset for that poor little girl who should have been protected by the very person who has damaged her. And for how you are still the one feeling guilty.
Please get some counselling OP. You did not deserve what you have been through and you are not to blame.
Focus on your grandmother if you feel you can.

I’m glad for you that you got to say it to his face. I’m 52 and couldn’t bring myself to say it to my mother. I haven’t been to her grave and it’s been 8 years.

The abuser apologists on this thread seem to have missed an important part of the OP, the grandad, as in the past, got angry over something trivial.

OP saw he hadn't changed and, in my opinion gave him a tiny taste of his own medicine.

This isn't a vulnerable old man who has mellowed in his old age, he was an abusive younger man and that doesn't appear to have changed.

Best wishes OP

I’m so sorry for you and your grandma, OP. I am glad you got the courage to tell him how he’s made you feel (but it’s understandable you feel awful afterwards; you don’t think like he did/does).

THIS.

This is the only message OP,

Good for you. Don't go back

Just think to yourself that finally someone stood up for that little girl against that awful bully.
She finally has someone in her corner - You!
Well done 💐

Do you still see your mother? Did she know who she was leaving you with?

"Are you enjoying being judgemental and superior on a thread about a victim of sustained child abuse?"

"Don't forgot focus-pulling."

The person you're all trying to bully made a single post. Not an abusive one, just one with a differing opinion to the majority. In return she has received several responses of varying levels of abuse, which she has responded to. The ones pulling focus and derailing are the people who can't accept other people's opinions so resort to abuse. Even your pointless "off you fuck" type messages contribute to the derailing...and reveal your hypocrisy to boot. Or is it ok to abuse others as long as you've never met them?

"I pride myself on not stooping to the same level as my abusers, so I agree with you @Tink3rbell30. And good for you for standing your ground. I often find myself crumbling when I am targeted by people who don't agree with me on MN.

I also feel op should forgive herself - her remorse and sensitivity are a testimony to the fact that gf did not destroy her spirit or good character"

This is a very reasonable response @VictoriaSpungecake
I also never stooped to my abusers level, which is not a judgement of the OP before anyone jumps on me but i think it's important to point out that not everyone reacts the same way to abuse and it's not ok for posters here to pile on someone for having a different take on this.

The fact you feel awful OP makes you a decent human being.

Don't sweat it.

@DenimTurtle , are you sorry you said it? Personally I think he had it coming and if you hadn’t told him how you felt then you might have struggled with not being able to express that to him after he died. If he happens to still be alive when you’re next back in the UK I wouldn’t suggest visiting again. X

OP I've never said anything like that to my abuser because like you, I would feel a lot of guilt. I think it's because a lot of abuse occurs within families there are a lot of conflicting feelings and this creates that intense conflict between guilt/anger/bitterness/whatever. I went completely no contact with my abuser and those who enabled it and feel immense guilt for that and I've stopped myself from lashing out with hurtful truths many times because I know that no good will come from it, only hurt feelings and lots of guilt for me.
I'm not saying this to make you feel more guilty though, I just want let you know that other people also have these thoughts and feelings and reassure you that you aren't alone in feeling the way you do. And to echo that the fact that you're feeling this way is testament to the fact that you're not a bad person.
You don't need to justify yourself with how many gifts you give out or what charity you donate to, you're human and you've got nothing to prove to anyone.

Exactly this. I think different rules must apply 😂 I can't imagine getting angry and not being able to accept a differing opinion to keep on and on then trying to make me stop commenting, which failed. Weird.

I don't think those of us who would have chosen not to shout at the abuser are abuse apologists. And I can't even honestly say that emotions would not get the better of me if I were in the OPs situation. Theoretically however, I prefer the idea of seeking proper justice. My own childhood abuser is long gone from my life so I can't take any action against him. And admittedly I don't know about the time frame for reporting abuse, but my feeling is that op would be better off speaking up about the abuse and having what GF did to her officially recorded. Others on here would know better than me the agencies that might make this possible.