God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

[DenimTurtle]

My mum left me in the care of grandparents as a a very young child. My grandparents effectively raised me.

My childhood was awful. Mostly because of my grandfather who was extremely physically abusive - hair pulling, throwing objects, spitting on me to name a few examples. He would make me sleep on the floor as a punishment also. He was very introverted around other adults and I think tried to regain a sense of empowerment by abusing me. The man could just not experience any discomfort without his eyes popping out his head and his whole body puffing up. He was a monster.

Anyway, I left the country as soon as I could.

I returned recently and at the request of my grandmother went to see my grandfather at the retirement home he know lives.

He leads a sad life. Sitting in a chair all day and watching tv.

When I saw him he started getting angry over something minuscule. He started the whole routine of his face going red and I just said “I’ve had enough of this, thank God you’ll probably be dead the next time I’m in England. I can’t stand you”. I touched on how pathetic he and his life was.

Trust me I am a nice person. I donate around £300 each month to charity. I give neighbours kids’ a lift when I can. I just snapped.

Just needed to get off my chest.

I think you would have been better telling him calmly what he did to you and how it made you feel. I probably wouldn't have gone at all as the best revenge is a happy life.

Seriously don't see him again. If a person has a bad effect on your mental health it's only sensible to try and avoid them as much as possible.

Any full grown man that abused children and women deserves to cry. He deserves everything you said to him and so much more x

Wish I could have said exactly the same to either of my parents in this lifetime. I hope you find closure op, not guilt. You shouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

I think you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you don't say anything before he dies you would probably regret not confronting him and getting it off your chest. There's no right thing, sounds like you had a difficult childhood and he let you down x

Good. Well done.

You should be proud of yourself and celebrate.

Never, ever, EVER, worry about upsetting people who aren't worried about upsetting you.. or treating you like dirt.

Pointless and unnecessary and it sounds like you regret it. It didn't achieve anything.

People like him would never take it on board. It would turn into anger and then the same tears, only of self pity. The old abuser lines would come out - ‘I tried my best, I didn’t ask for this life, do you know much I did for you? How much I had to sacrifice?’ and all that boring, irrelevant nonsense that only a narcissistic knows how to truly weaponise.

Thank you. And thanks to everyone sharing comforting words.

I thought I would get a bollocking. I’m trying to remind myself this man often made me cry to the point of being sick and hyperventilating.

I just feel conflicted when I remember the good times (however few they were). He did show me some kindness.

Oh stop, OP was more than justified.

i dare say you sobbed hundreds of times when he’d battered you, your Gm or pulled your hair etc etc.

he didn’t stop abusing you he carried on. He didn’t feel bad at abusing you.

you’re not abusing him, you’re an adult who was triggered by the fear he instilled in you as a tiny child.

that fear is overwhelming

you never have to se him again. At least now he knows that what he did was wrong and you don’t forgive him

he doesn’t deserve any better. You’ve said your piece. It needed to be said. In time you’ll feel peace in knowing you stood up for yourself

I'm not one bit surprised you reacted like you did. He actions most likely triggered old memories and what he was like as a child. Possibly like, a trauma response.

Forgive yourself immediately. Your words may have make have been abusive but they aren't even remotely close to the abuse he put you through.

Be kind to yourself, you are only human.

I really don't think you have done anything wrong.

Good for you, he may be your grandfather but he's an abuser. He deserved it

Do you know the Stately Homes thread? You will find many people who are truly understanding there x

Better an old man sobbing about the consequences of his own behaviour than an innocent child sobbing about her grandfather's abuse

1000% this.

All abusers can be nice sometimes.

does not make them any less of an abuser. In fact it’s often a tactic to draw their victims in, only so they can hurt you again

Oh OP, this man abused you when you were a child. Making a little girl sleep on the floor and physically attacking her is monstrous. You had no one who could protect you. There is absolutely no excuse for what he did to you. If he's sobbing now, honestly, then good. Perhaps he's realised what he did and feels remorseful, perhaps he's processing that children who get abused don't grow up to love you. He is the one who did this and is responsible, not you.

Look after yourself.

So very sad that you feel bad about this. You told him how you felt, he will not be crying for you or what he did he will be crying for himself,

He taught you to blame yourself as a child, you let your angry child come through you, as an adult, and you gave that part of yourself the voice that you are entitled to.

As you know he is still the man he always was, just because he looks weak and vulnerable is what makes you feel bad.

Go home, dump this guilt and never see him again.

I don't agree. It hasn't achieved anything, she seems to be unsure or regretful. I wouldn't want the karma from wishing someone dead either but each to their own.

You won’t get a bollocking from us, we’re all here to hold you and comfort the little girl who was so badly hurt. You’re safe now

He was the problem. Not you.

Oh shut up!

just shut up! You have nothing comforting to say to the victim of an abusive monster? Seriously Scroll the fuck on.

Good on you. Rotten old bastard thoroughly deserved it.

Don't feel guilty. Did he feel guilty when he did those terrible things to you when you were a child?

Hopefully he's crying with shame, but I doubt he feels shame. He is crying for himself.

@Tink3rbell30 karma isn't real. Trauma is. Ask yourself what you're getting out of trying to make OP feel worse about this.