God I said something awful on purpose to my grandfather

[DenimTurtle]

My mum left me in the care of grandparents as a a very young child. My grandparents effectively raised me.

My childhood was awful. Mostly because of my grandfather who was extremely physically abusive - hair pulling, throwing objects, spitting on me to name a few examples. He would make me sleep on the floor as a punishment also. He was very introverted around other adults and I think tried to regain a sense of empowerment by abusing me. The man could just not experience any discomfort without his eyes popping out his head and his whole body puffing up. He was a monster.

Anyway, I left the country as soon as I could.

I returned recently and at the request of my grandmother went to see my grandfather at the retirement home he know lives.

He leads a sad life. Sitting in a chair all day and watching tv.

When I saw him he started getting angry over something minuscule. He started the whole routine of his face going red and I just said “I’ve had enough of this, thank God you’ll probably be dead the next time I’m in England. I can’t stand you”. I touched on how pathetic he and his life was.

Trust me I am a nice person. I donate around £300 each month to charity. I give neighbours kids’ a lift when I can. I just snapped.

Just needed to get off my chest.

Karma is not some mystery thing.

If the OP was feeling joyful then what? No karma.

She'll feel so much better when she has processed this.

All those people who never got to speak their truth to Jimmy Saville. Now that's the tragedy.

Abusers hearing the truth of their actions is a celebration

This absolutely well done you.

@Tink3rbell30 the thing is, the thread is supposed to be about OP and her trauma, not you and your pseudo-spiritual beliefs, or your valiant refusal to crumble in the face of common sense. There does seem to be a positive correlation between belief in karma and narcissistic traits though, so I expect you can't help putting your foot in it.

He physically and emotionally abused a small vulnerable child in his care as well as his wife over what sounds like a long period. He is an abusive monster. The fact he tried to scream at you again decades later shows he has no conscience nor remorse. He has not spent time reflecting nor tried to apologise, atone nor seek forgiveness. What you said was honest and more than fair and entirely deserved. To have ignored this or said nothing would have been a betrayal to yourself. Perhaps you went back hoping things would have changed or to comfort your grandmother? You were open hearted. You have nothing to feel guilty nor ashamed about. The shame is entirely on him. Please please do not go back to see him again.

God. Bloody good for you. I wish I'd done what you did, to my vicious scrunt of a stepfather.

Oh OP. I’m sure you sobbed so many times as a child at the hands of this vile man and he had no compassion. It just shows that you are a much better person that him. I’m so so sorry for what you’ve gone through, you were perfectly within your right to say what you did.

I wouldn’t visit him again no matter how much your grandmother begs you, and I certainly wouldn’t go to the funeral when he dies.

Oh I believe in karma and there is onle old male abuser who is now getting his! Ig it helps OP think of yourself and your visit as an instrument of Vishnu..

None of that makes any sense.

Honestly? Fuck him, he’s lucky he only got his ears burned, it could have landed him in prison.
As to the person here banging on about ‘karma’, who appears to now have a little cheerleader…Samuel Johnson said that patriotism was the last refuge of the scoundrel. I think these days it’s smug, po-faced, virtue signalling.

It makes significantly more sense than a "definite" belief in karma. Which bit are you struggling with?

OP - I don't think what you said was terrible. You spoke your mind to your abuser when it sounds like he was working himself up to be abusive just for old time's sake. You short-circuited the cycle. Well bloody done.

You did nothing wrong OP. And you didn't go there with the intent at saying those things to him. You were triggered by his anger - of course you were. Your experience told you to get out because otherwise he might spit at you or hit you.

Don't go and see him again - for your own sake.

He isn't a pathetic old man sobbing in a nursing home. He is exactly the same person who abused you - just older.

all abusers are sometimes ;

kind nice decent caring sweet remorseful funny modest empathetic generous honest helpful loving calm

that’s how they keep you hanging in there, you wait patiently hoping they will be nice again,

just because he threw you a bone from time to time does not negate or mitigate the abuse

surround yourself with good people and try to give him and his actions no place in your mind or future x

I have a child murderer living over the road from me, I've lived among shit people, honestly, it isn't real.

Doesn't make sense at all. Narcissistics are psychotic, nothing to do with believing in karma or thinking no response is sometimes better than a pointless angry response.

Off you fuck now.

I think you have misunderstood karma, he cannot have experienced it yet.

Horrible how he treated you.

What a brute.

As I said you can't police the thread or decide who comments and for how long.

Don't worry - it was justified. Forgive yourself, you were standing up for the poor abused child you once were

You had a trauma response to him being angry. Which is utterly normal and utterly justified. I had similar with my brother recently. How I understand it is that my anger was very deep and was brought out by him, not me. It was installed by abuse, it was surfaced by anger.

None of which is my fault. And this isn't yours. However, you probably need some help with the trauma and the anger. For you.

Considering what he did to you, a vulnerable child, for years, I think he's gotten off extremely lightly at that. I hope he reflected on what he did to you when you were growing up. Please use some of that £300/mth to do something nice for yourself.

If you want my honest opinion, think it makes you no better than him. Well maybe a bit, but not much..

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such a tough upbringing. Your grandad sounds absolutely dreadful and abusive. I personally wouldn't have bothered even going to see him. Just go NC and forget whether his life seems sad and miserable or not. You don't owe him anything.
I understand why you said what you did. But I doubt he'll suddenly repent and become a decent person so just leave him to it and get on with your life.

I think you might need to do a bit of reading around terms you don't understand very well, then perhaps have a tiny moment of self-reflection.

Well, you could say this was the grandfather's karma, couldn't you?