AIBU or is this a bit cheeky?

[Usernamenotavailabletryanotheroneplease]

Name changed as I don’t want to potentially ruin a friendship over what could be me being unreasonable. Close friend has recently had a baby. She’s asked for no visitors (fair) but has now announced an ‘open day’ - her words - in which her and her DP will invite all their family and friends to go to their house at the same time to see the baby. Not the AIBU.
In the message invite (copied and pasted to all their friends/family), it states: “Although your presence is a present, we kindly ask for a monetary gift as we have plenty of clothes and toys.”
It’s rubbed me up the wrong way. I understand the request for no clothes or toys, but I feel the blatant request for money is quite crass. I’ve already bought a personalised keepsake gift (not clothes or toys) which I will give so it’s not really a direct issue. We’re from different cultures which could play a part in my reaction.
AIBU or is this crass?

The wording is crass. It should say 'no need to bring a gift, but if you wish to do so then a small cash donation towards (insert larger expensive gift or event for later in kids life) would be fantastic'. It shouldn't seem like they are actually expecting a cash gift.
Just put in a fiver in a card. Or don't bother donating. I guess I can see they don't want tons and tons of cuddly toys/clothes etc. but yeah, the wording is somewhat grabby.

Ewww..major cringe

Wow! I’ve never read such a strong response on AIBU! Thank you for making me feel like less of a bitch for reacting (internally) like I did. I see the point of giving a gift voucher so new parents can choose items for their babies to avoid duplicates etc but money is a different story. I also see the point of the ‘open day’, as a PP mentioned about only needing the house tidy for one day. I am actually going to see her before that day (I’m lucky enough to have received an invite - we are very close friends and she’s like an auntie to my DC) but very much enjoyed the jokes about it!
In response to the PP who mentioned about the keepsakes that end up in landfill, I stole the idea from a different friend, who gave me a similar gift when one of my DC was born and I love it. I do understand your point, though.

An open day? Jesus Christ.

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't give any present.

And in a year when she's fuckin shattered and at the end of her tether, I'd like to think nobody steps in to offer any help.

Ridiculous behaviour this.

Terrible.

Poor little baby having to sing for his supper so young.
It's like puting out a hat and taking him to the mall as a busker.

Just take a cake, flowers or buy him a welcome card, nothing, a small toy or book or clothing too big that he will grow into. The normal things.

I think it's great to have an At Home meet and greet day.

Who has an open day to view their baby? Distinctly odd. I also hate people asking for money. I think it's crass when it comes with a wedding invitation but far worse in this case. I wouldn't go personally

To me, it sounds like they've tried to do that thing that people often put on wedding invitations where they say "we don't expect a gift, but if you want to give us something then money would be better than an actual gift" but got a bit jumbled on the wording.

They're your friends and they probably haven't slept for several days on end - I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and just let it slide.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, and imo, people need to get over themselves. No one wants endless baby gifts that are 99% useless to a newborn. I prefer to help the couple in the way they prefer being helped and not by some arbitrary rules.

Just tell them you can't afford to attend....

This thread has made me cackle. What a pair of enormous bell-ends. An 'open day' to come view their child and then a request for money? Could they be any more crass and inappropriate?

@Usernamenotavailabletryanotheroneplease
’Open Day’ is odd.

I don’t know why, but I’m envisaging a queue outside and everyone having a time slot. Then everyone shuffles past, bows and bestows their monetary gift.

Bit like the baby Jesus, except with the added cheekiness of please bring money rather than Gold/Frankincense or Myrrh.

yes I thought so too. mis written rather than deliberately CF.....and I do agree about keepsakes, especially personalised ones. You say there is a culture difference, is English their first language?

That is utterly crass. I'd not be bringing/giving anything.

Awful. Absolutely awful 😩

It’s very Tackily worded ‘your presence is a present’ 🤢. But in fairness I have sympathy for this and am suprised the replies are all so negative.
Babies grow fast. They’ll end up with items they never get to unbox due to timescales and add a ton of clutter to an already fraught space.
They understand people want to welcome the baby but are politely asking “please don’t come and bring more tat’.
maybe It’s the thought money is for them and not the baby? Though isn’t it reasonable they save the money and use it to get things when age/size appropriate? Would everyone feel better if they asked for mothercare vouchers instead?
Being kind isn’t being kind if you’re giving a gift you were explicitly asked not too, that’s just being rude.
Give money, or just the joy of your presence 😂 just don’t be that person that does what THEY think is best, never ends well.

Jeez, 'open day' makes it sound like they're trying to sell a house. I'd be avoiding the day like the plague. Just send a congrats card and say you'll catch up with them when things are a bit more settled. So many people seem to be hard work these days.

I'd give the baby the gift that keeps on giving - a musical toy.
Preferably one which the baby loves to play with constantly 😁

This is bonkers! Its not a house viewing for potential buyers 😂

Or at least I hope they aren’t selling their baby…

This is really crass on all accounts - to value their family and friends so little that they only want to get them “over and done with” in one fell swoop. And the fact that they are asking for cash or assuming that anyone wants to give them a gift.

Yeah fuck that. Thats taking cheeky to another level. I wouldn’t go or give money.

I imagine the baby in a roped-off area - you can walk past them and stare but no touching!

I would give them a bit of grace on this one, and assume that what they meant to say is that they don't expect gifts but if you'd like to give one they'd prefer some money. People have all kinds of ways of putting that nicely when they send out wedding invites and don't want to end up with 7 blenders and 4 toasters when they already have both of those things, but usually word it carefully to avoid coming across as CF.

They're maybe just exhausted with the baby and forgot to put it politely.

It's VERY cheeky. I don't even like baby showers; if you want to have a baby then so be it, but a gathering for people to give you gifts for a baby? That's what birthdays are for. You don't get prizes just for procreating.

One of the lovely things I most look forward to when there is a new baby is buying some cute little clothes. This would annoy me a great deal.

If baby is already born I’m sure a lot of people have already gone and got a little outfit or toy for baby… which means they are now going to be feeling bad or that their gift isn’t wanted.

I think the wording is bad. I think it’s fair to say we’ve got lots of toys and clothes so please don’t feel like you need to bring a gift. But then asking for money makes it cringe.

It is just me or has all these new baby rules gone mad, I understand needing a few days or however long to recover and the no kissing etc. but an OPEN DAY 🤣

Every time I think I’ve heard everything, there is something else gobsmacking just behind it.