AIBU or is this a bit cheeky?

[Usernamenotavailabletryanotheroneplease]

Name changed as I don’t want to potentially ruin a friendship over what could be me being unreasonable. Close friend has recently had a baby. She’s asked for no visitors (fair) but has now announced an ‘open day’ - her words - in which her and her DP will invite all their family and friends to go to their house at the same time to see the baby. Not the AIBU.
In the message invite (copied and pasted to all their friends/family), it states: “Although your presence is a present, we kindly ask for a monetary gift as we have plenty of clothes and toys.”
It’s rubbed me up the wrong way. I understand the request for no clothes or toys, but I feel the blatant request for money is quite crass. I’ve already bought a personalised keepsake gift (not clothes or toys) which I will give so it’s not really a direct issue. We’re from different cultures which could play a part in my reaction.
AIBU or is this crass?

Wow, some new parents really think they’re the only ones to have ever had a baby. I’d be busy that day and hope they become less unbearable with time.

She’s a twat. For a start, she hasn’t got enough clothes. You never have. She’ll get to 6-9 months and have to spend £200+ cause nothing fits (the voice of VERY recent experience!!).

But what a wanker! I wouldn’t be giving them anything.

Clever tactics though - if everyone's going at the same time, no-one will want to be embarrassed by turning up empty handed and looking like a miser 😬
They'll probably make a bit of cash out of it 🤔
I'd much rather have had someone make me a cup of tea and bring some cake to go with it!

Open day? 😂
What are they, Buckingham Palace? Will the baby be behind a barrier, you can take a quick look at it but keep moving peasants and oh leave the cash in the box. Bye.

The thing about thi that I think makes me feel super ICK, is that bringing a gift for the baby and/or the mum is one of those things that while completely common, isn't like a wedding registry or even the expectations of a birthday gift. I mean yes, most people bring a small gift, but it's usually understood to be a token and not some big deal in the same way? It's hard to explain.

When you say there is a difference in cultures, I wonder if they've mangled the usual (albeit insincere) "Your presence is all the present we need. If however you insist, then money is preferred to clothes....." due to English being a second language?

Take her a plant and a card.

An open day to visit a baby? Good grief, whatever next? I'm surprised they didn't ask for gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh!

Why don’t they just charge admission and have done with it. I’m sure folks would pay handsomely just be in the presence of the precious new child.

I don’t know, I think I feel less annoyed by this than others but I guess it depends on context in the sense of what your friend is generally like. If she’s usually generous and thoughtful then I can see some logic in what she is doing. If she’s exhausted maybe better to get everyone over at once. Maybe she and her partner have bought loads of baby stuff already, knows people will bring gifts for the baby and doesn’t want you to waste money on stuff they don’t need. It’s all a bit clumsy by using the phrase about presence/present that I’ve seen re weddings but maybe just trying to be practical.

I kind of get it.

Have an upcoming wedding & we asked for cash gifts. 2 friends have ordered personalised gifts & let me know in advance. I do not like tat. Just because you would like it, doesn't mean everyone does. Now I'm dreading all the unwanted crap. I would happily have a card/£0 but I don't want random tat

Yeah but then just consider how much work it is and the medical recovery from having just given birth, and then having to deal with piles of stuff from people who clearly just enjoyed shopping for cute baby things without actually being helpful to the new parents who really need help.
I know it sounds like a trifle, but remember when you've just had a baby having to deal with loads of wrapping, packaging, stuff you don't actually need but feel guilty getting rid of it, all of those too small clothes, feeling like you have to send a picture of the baby in them, thank you notes ... it's not a trivial matter.
I wish people would try and be helpful and consider that it's a really delicate time for a lot of people (lots of PPD, lots of relationship challenges) and not just go on a consumerist jolly on a fantasy of babies.

This is nothing like the cash for a wedding thing. It's nice to give money for a honeymoon if you were going to spend it on unwanted pans or cutlery anyway.

It's incredibly rude to ask for cash instead of baby presents. That's just not a thing.

Wow, fun sponge alert!

🙂

Presumably she meant, 'we don't expect a gift, but if you must, we would find money would be better than a gift' but the way it's worded it sounds as cheeky as f**k.

I'd get one of those enormous teddy bear or something big and plastic.

Sounds like the open day will lead to a bidding war. Stand your ground and don't offer the asking price.

All the open days I've been to recently have included QR codes and lots of handouts. Some had food trucks. I would expect nothing less at a baby open day. Have they got free shuttle buses running, and time slots?

According to the internet - Open Day - "a day when members of the public may visit a place or institution to which they do not usually have access." Snort.

Yuck!!! Everything about them sounds horrible.

They are CF. That's not how gifts work. Just give your gift and ignore their reaction.

god I’m embarrassed for her! I’d give her the present your bought. xx

I am guessing that the 'different culture' factor is key here. Is she from a culture where giving gifts is a big factor and people are less squeamish about giving and receiving money that in the UK?

It's badly worded and might be borrowed from wedding present messages. "we have many many toys and clothes for our baby so please don't feel you need to bring a gift. We will be opening a savings account for him/her should anyone like to contribute- but again- your presence is the present" would have been better.

I can understand your immediate response but I wouldn't hold this against her in the longer run.

Enjoy seeing her baby.

She might as well sell tickets!

"Although your presence is a present, AND SO THEREFORE WE DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING, BUT IF YOU WANT TO BRING A GIFT we kindly ask for a monetary gift as we have plenty of clothes and toys.”

They left out a huge chunk surely?

That will massively put me off and I probably won't go. It's cheeky and presumption. Rude even.

I would ignore it and get what I usually get.