To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

Exactly! They want da big menz to protect them! LOL! 😆 I can protect myself ta.

As I said, it pretty much is only on Mumsnet though. In the real world, most women just want a really kind loving man. The obsession with height is fierce on here. As I said earlier, some posters are desperate to 'brag' about their 'tall children!' Like it makes them better somehow, and more special, because they're fucking tall!

I also think it's hilarious that the OP's friend wouldn't touch a man who was 5 foot 10. As he was 'too short.' All the LOLz! That is the average height of a man in the UK ... In fact, if you look it up, men in the UK are actually taller than men in a lot of other countries. 5 foot 8 to 5 foot 9 is a pretty common height for a lot of men. Men over 6 foot are the exception rather than the rule.

So the fact that SOME women only want men 6 foot and over is hilarious... As you say though, they really have got slim pickings in the dating pool, and will probably be single forever. And yeah, that leaves more men for women who aren't so precious about a man's height, along with being entitled, and frankly ridiculous!

I think it's awful. I've dated people of various heights, a woman who was taller than me, and two men who were shorter than me by several inches. I didn't care. It's the person that counts. I find it so unfair when people won't give someone a chance.

I once went on a date with a really lovely guy but I couldn't get over him being a few inches shorter than me, and I felt really bad. I'm not actually sure if it was the height or that he'd clearly deliberately chosen photos that hid how short he was and that was what turned me off.

I think if I'd met him organically in real life (i.e. if I'd always know how short he was), the height wouldn't have been such a dealbreaker.

@topaz27 I recall two men I dated, having met in Real Life. One was absolutely lovely, but just that bit too short. I honestly thought that if we hit it off, I could get past this, but I couldn't. The other was lovely too, and definitely over 6". However this was during the summer months, and on our third date he wore shorts and he had the skinniest legs I'd ever seen on a man.

I guess this makes me shallow, but we all have things we find unattractive.

It’s OLD isn’t it. If you meet someone IRL and get to know them, for e
cample in a work situation or hobby group, and get to know them that way, and find you like them, their looks don’t seem to matter so much. But in OLD instantaneous attraction is everything.

@KimberleyClark exactly the point I was trying to make below. It's not that preferences are new, but it's the expectation that whoever you date needs to tick every single box and fit your image of "perfection" that is newer I think...

Perhaps they're after our pensions? Whatever the reason for it is, tall people tend to die earlier.

Do you need to understand it?

No one should feel required to date someone they don’t want to for fear of being considered ‘superficial’, as if wanting to be physically attracted to someone is some great sin. Of course there’s a superficial aspect to dating, there always has been and there always will be - physical attraction is not unimportant, and no one is ‘missing out’ by not dating someone they’re not attracted to. When dating I didn’t consider short men or fat men - that doesn’t mean that there aren’t wonderful short and fat men, but that didn’t mean they were right for me or that I should have dated them.

Also, it’s not an either/or. Wanting someone taller doesn’t mean you don’t also want someone you consider to be a decent person. There are taller man that have the same qualities as those wonderful shorter and fatter ones, after all.

And yes, it does limit the dating pool, but that isn’t inherently a problem imo. All standards limit the dating pool - that isn’t an argument to abandon them. It’s up to an individual to decide what is and isn’t important to them, and no one should feel pressured by others to settle. I would have much rather have remained single with my limited pool than settled for someone I wasn’t attracted to 🤷🏻‍♀️

No one is owed a chance to date someone.

As a 5' 11" woman can I just say that most men are not interested in women taller than them?
Most men that I have met want a woman significantly shorter than them.

All of the REALLY tall men I know who are 6' 6" ish are married to women who are 5' 2ish.
Apart from one who has a six foot wife. They are magnificent together.

My confusion is more based on very small differences - rejecting someone for being slightly smaller or slightly taller - or even the same height. If you're compatible in many other ways, rejecting someone over the sake of an inch or two (ooh, matron 😂) just seems very superficial.

An inch here or there (matron indeed!) wouldn't be an issue for me, but we're all different and I wouldn't criticise someone for their dating preferences. But with OLD, I assume you have to specify min/max height, so your cut-off points will obviously exclude some 'nearly made the threshold' candidates. And if you set your height requirement a bit lower (to include the 'nearly' candidates) I guess you include even more height-fibbers?

Height doesn’t matter to me, some of the most confident men I know are short, but they can command a room and make their presence known! In a good way…
I’ve dated 6 footers and 5’ 5” and it makes no difference.

But that's fine it it works for you - other people will have different criteria

Yes it's awful. I won't use dating apps as they are basically meat markets, and people are reduced to parts. I've pretty much given up with dating now though, it's not been a good experience for me and doesn't feel safe.

I still don’t understand how this is a problem?

A man doesn’t want me because my waist is 2cms bigger than his preference - great! Not sure I’d want to be with someone like that.

A woman doesn’t want a man as he’s 2cms shorter than her preference - great! He wouldn’t want to be with someone with that preference and means more men for those who don’t have such strict limits.

The only person this has a negative impact on is the person with the preferences, they are the ones who are making their potential dating pool smaller. For those who are rejected (online so probably don’t even see they are rejected as they will be filtered out first), it’s a bonus as they won’t be matched with someone who has specific preferences they don’t meet.

It doesn’t bother me if a man doesn’t want me because I am too old/young, too fat/thin, too short/tall, etc. People are allowed preferences, I don’t want to be made to feel bad because I don’t fancy someone.

Hardly a modern obsession

After my 6'1'' ex husband, who used his size to intimidate, I had a real aversion to dating tall men and was much more drawn to men under 6' for years after. In fact I was a bit cautious about connecting with my now DP as I saw on his dating profile that he was 6'6'' and it put me off.

People have all sorts of reasons (or none at all) for liking what they like. Luckily I could see past my DP's height and he could see past the fact that I'm a 5'4'' frump.

If I’m attracted to a bloke, I’m attracted to a bloke regardless of his height?🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah I find it really strange, DH is quite a bit taller than me but I never actively sought out a taller man. My DM is 5’9 and my dad and step dad are both 5’7, so I never understood why men had to be a lot taller than women.

What's surprising is not that there's a height preference (that's as old as time) but that anyone would think 5 foot 10 is deal-breakingly short. It's above average height for a man so over 50% of men will be shorter than that. That's more than half your potential dating pool gone before you've even got started. It's like only wanting to date men with size 12 feet or above.

You can be as picky as you want in dating, and everyone has preferences, but you don't get to be that absurdly picky and then complain there is "no one good out there", which is a common moan about OLD. You just filtered them all out!

I find aura way more attractive. You can have a shorter man with the aura of a man much taller because he oozes confidence/personality. To me that’s a lot more attractive than a 6’3 bloke who’s a bean pole and no presence about them.

In the real world I find the so called “ideal” 6’3 Adonis look a likes as rare as hens teeth. Most men are average height at best. To the point where if I see a really tall bloke, they stand out like a sore thumb. It takes much more than height to make someone attractive.

I remember a thread on here about 15 years ago full of women saying they wouldn't date a man under 6ft. It really upset me at the time as my then toddler sons predicted height was 5ft 3.

He's reached the lofty heights of 5ft 10

That’s the thing about OLD - you have all these random facts about a person, and no idea of the “aura” or amount of charm, I guess, that they give off.

I agree, people are obsessed, but it just makes me happy to have snapped up my short OH. People who dismiss others on height can really miss out.

I don’t always notice people’s height until I’ve known them for quite a while