To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

There isn't a filter for waist size on line for men though. Maybe there should be a male option to filter on dress size. Let the outrage begin.

If there was, what with women only selecting men over 6'3" and men only selecting women with tiny waists it would probably be a miracle if anyone ever got together.

I wouldn't want to go out with a man shorter than me.

But I also don't necessarily want to go out with a man much taller, you'd get neckache - or need a stool when you want to kiss him!

It's not necessarily prejudice though. I am not a dog person so I would not date a dog person. It would not end well if I did!

As for riding a bike, well not being able to ride one, can restrict your leisure pursuits. Same as not being able to swim. So if pursuits that involve bikes or swimming are important to you, you won't date someone who can't ride a bike or swim.

There isn't a waist size but there's an age range, and almost all men set theirs to younger than them. Research shows they will engage more with women online the younger they think they are. So let's not imagine that these poor overlooked short guys just want a kind partner of any age or shape.

People can't help what they're attracted to.

I absolutely love tall men myself. I simply find it very, very attractive. I have rejected men arbitrarily based on height before too. I don't see the point in pursuing something with someone I know nothing about when I already know they're not what I'm typically attracted to.

I am currently dating someone who isn't my usual type, which is well over six foot. He's taller than me but not by heaps. I'm not silly enough to choose someone purely based on a physical characteristic. Height can't make up for a dogshit personality.

It sounds more like you have a tall woman syndrome. Honestly it’s not a nice way to think about people. Why would you let yourself be that person and attempt to normalise it?

And it's not modern. My Aberdonian grandmother made my step mother stand on the lower part of the sloping garden in her wedding photos so she wasn't higher up than 'my fine tall loon'.

I wouldn't date a man shorter than me. But then I'm only 5'5". If I was nearer 6' myself maybe I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't date a weedy man either. I don't want to be the big one!

Well, I seem to be wasting a lot of my time at the moment playing referee between my French plumber who is practically a dwarf and my Dutch/Belgian neighbour who is a literal giant. Both of them are absolute...

Well, in an ideal world I'd have my men 6ft plus almost square, I like big blokes. But then I'm 5ft 9 and also have a rib cage most of the England Rugby Team would find useful so it could be because I'm less than petite myself.

In real life I married a slim bloke of 5ft 10, who looking back never really did it for me 😂 and my current partner is also 5ft 10 while chunkier, so it's obviously not a deal breaker!

You say your OH is short @ladyofshertonabbas but is he taller than you?

I'm 5ft7 and DP is literally half an inch taller. On paper I prefer a taller man so it's a good thing I didn't meet him on paper. ExH was only 5ft8 too, and generally considered to be pretty hot. If anything I wish I was shorter rather than the other way round.

I seen an interesting take on this.

Basically saying it's the patriarchy's fault.

Patriarchy and toxic masculinity instills:

Small = feminine/weak
Big = protector/masculine

So men cannot moan at this preference as women have been told forever that small men are weak and unmasculine.

Everyone is allowed to have their preferences. If they would rather never settle below then then fine. Men sure have their preferences.

Attraction isn't something you can help. I'm 5'4 and I've always liked taller men; DH is 6'3. I also don't like bulky men, or blonde men, or men with shaved heads or very short hair. It's not being fussy, it's just a matter of what I think is physically appealing. Would be no point in me dating a blonde, muscle bound man of 5'7. I wouldn't think he was good looking.

It's not new either. The whole "tall, dark, and handsome" thing has been around for yonks, hasn't it? Obviously, I'd not have rejected DH if his hair was one inch above his jaw or he was 6'2. That'd be daft. But I doubt most women are. Men also lie about their heights on OLD from everything I read in threads like these. So if he says he's 5'11 your friend might know he's actually more likely to be 5'9.

Tall men are more likely to cheat according to research. More women throwing themselves at them I suppose!

I like a tall man but only because I’m 5ft 9 & I wouldn’t want a 7footer!

YABU for trying to garner the responses you want by omitting the fact that she’s 5’10” from the OP.

Not modern at all.
In evolutionary terms she will hold out for the best mate she can get: healthy, strong, a good provider, an alpha male. Being tall was a good indicator of this in the past, and the evolutionary imperative echoes down the years, even though it is probably out of date. If she can't attract a mate that matches the criteria, she'll have to settle for a subset.

Or not bother. We have choices today. if you need to be in a relationship you have different choices. I think some people can't or refuse to accept that some people only want to be in a relationship if it ticks certain boxes.

I'm 5ft10 and have had long term partners the same height. All of them randomly started to find my height a real problem after we had been together a long time. So much so that they would refuse to go out with me when I wore heels and brought up in arguments i was "too big" (dress size 10 at the time so not fat!). I married one of them and he told me I had to wear flat shoes on my wedding day (I didn't).

In my experience men say they don't have a problem with my height but they do, and throw it back in my face years after meeting me. Why would I risk that again? Easier just to not date someone shorter than me. I have friends who "can't understand" why people care about how tall the man is but they're all about 5ft, so unlikely to find themselves in the same position as me.

One thing I'm amazed by on this site is how many women cheerfully embrace evolutionary psychology and "natural" biology, which are arguments I'm more used to seeing on MRA boards, which have been used to oppress women for centuries and which do a fine job of continuing to other any women who don't actually fit the mould. Not to mention the whiff of homophobia, or do "evolutionary terms" not apply to lesbians and gay men.

Come over to FWR chat, we're big fans of biology.

Anyway I am not sure how much of a thing this actually is. There's a subset of people who act as though their conventional sexual preferences are wildly fascinating, and I class men who "could never date a fat girl" alongside women who "could never date a man under six foot" and they are just very tiresome and loud about it. Meanwhile most people might have an ideal type in mind but are ultimately are very happy to find someone a bit shorter, a bit fatter, a bit blonder, a bit different to how they imagined, if they mesh in every other way. And in the real world most short men I know have never really had a problem dating as far as I can tell.

As for "you can't help who you're attracted to" this is obviously true and no one should ever date someone they don't find hot. But I think we've all been conditioned in a lot of ways to prize conventional beauty and conventional "attractive" traits, both in ourselves and in other people, and it's worth trying to actually unpack that and unlearning various kneejerk assumptions.

Not being attracted to short men? Whatever. Not being attracted to short men because you think you need to be protected and think it's unfeminine if you're bigger? That's not really a healthy mindset.

Personally as a tiny 5'3" woman I've never thought about a man's height but then I suppose I've never had to. I have always fantasised about being a six-foot Amazon towering over my partner in heels though. And ironically for someone who doesn't care about height I've ended up with a 6'4" man. There are many reasons I'm attracted to him but his height is honestly neither here nor there.

I feel sorry for men who aren't tall. A lot of women seem to write them off for it, and it seems incredibly superficial.