To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

Excellent point on the difference in how men handle women not meeting their requirements vs women and why men are criticised.

Also half the time men are criticised for some of these things - it’s not the preference but the hypocrisy.

Nobody will criticise a chaste, religious man for wanting a woman with a low body count. (Nobody actually criticises men for this full stop so no idea what that commentator is lying for).

But when a man is community dick but wants a virgin woman will have his hypocrisy questioned.

Similarly nobody will criticise a 28 year old man who only wants to date women under 30. But when a man is 55 and only wants to date women under 30 his hypocrisy will be questioned.

And women who are equally hypocritical also have their hypocrisy questioned.

To your point, insulting people who don’t meet your preference should be criticised. But people should be able to exclude whoever they want from their dating pool and people who have an issue with it need to ask themselves why.

Who are you to tell people what they “need” in a partner? Why are you imposing your own preferences and dating parameters onto other people?

No, there isn’t.

Well not for you maybe.

Not for me either. My DH is tall and handsome. He was never a trophy; I just took one look at him and that was it. I don't like tall men as a "trophy"; I like them because it's what I'm attracted to. Possibly based on the things I read/watched as a kid? I liked the classics and men like Heathcliff/Rochester/Darcy/Phantom of the Opera were part of my upbringing, maybe at a crucial time in development.

Who knows? But that's what I like. Tall, dark haired, dark eyed, slim men. I don't care what other women think of DH. I'm not asking them to sleep with him, am I? My best friend is with a shorter, overweight man. She absolutely adores him and I think they're a wonderful couple. That's the kind of man she likes. She didn't approach me and ask if he was hot. Nor did I about DH.

And, as has been said so many times, personality is a part of it too. If DH had been an illiterate sexist pig, it wouldn't have mattered how tall, dark, and handsome he was.

I've never met a single woman who wants a partner as a "trophy". Besides, why would I need a trophy? I'm good looking and clever enough for myself. I'm not after arm candy.

Not for most people I would guess. People not wishing to date people they are not attracted to is not about “status” for the most part.

And it is exceptionally rare for a woman to seek “arm candy” (and what status is there in a man being tall? Status with whom? When has a woman ever received kudos or high fives from other women because she has a tall boyfriend?)

Exactly this! When I got with DH, my friends swooned over the things he did. Of course they said he was handsome too, but I'm sure they'd have said that even if he wasn't their type - as I do when they showed me their future DH's pictures! I ask the same questions from friends - how does he treat you, what did he do, is he a good kisser, etc.?

Not "is he tall?!"
🤣

No, that man you describe is just as entitled to his preferences as anyone else.

Is dating discriminatory? Fuck yes, thankfully it is and will continue to be. It’s not an equal opportunity endeavor where everyone that fancies it is entitled to access someone.

I'm dating, it has surprised me to find out from men how many women are picky about this. My current BF is 5'8 and has a lot of hang ups about it due to the amount of profiles that say they would only like taller men.

At 5’8” he’s still taller than most women!

I don't think 5 foot 8 is overly small for a man anyway.

I was that woman as exh is over 6ft, I’ve just met a very nice man who’s same height as me, 5,5. She definitely needs to be more open minded

I actually remember a friend telling me about her new boyfriend, one of the fitstthi gs she said was that he was 6ft 2! It’s definitely a thing for some women, but not a thing they’d care to admit I imagine.

....so she described what he looked like? Shock horror. What an awful person!

No,she said “he’s 6ft 2!” In the same kind of tone as she might have said “he’s a millionaire!” I hadn’t even asked how tall he was.

...so she described him.

😂

Your poor friend.

Also, this still doesn't meet your trophy comment. Other women weren't excited to know his height. You certainly didn't seem to care about her description. So how is she making him a trophy if no one cares? Did she mention his height and flocks of women come running to applaud her? No?

There you go. No one thinks it's a trophy. The woman in the relationship doesn't, no one else does either. He just happens to be tall and she described him appropriately, with excitement because I assume she liked him.

I could meet my DH all over again tomorrow. I'd probably tell you "and he walks with a cane!" - does that mean I'm making a limp a trophy?

I am sure your BF also has his own physical preferences / dealbreakers for women.

Why?

Serious question - why does she NEED to be open minded? She isn’t actually harming anyone and the only person losing out is her but she seems to fine to miss out so why does she need to be more open minded?

Never in my 4 and half decades of life have I ever heard a woman be impressed that a friend of hers is dating somebody tall. Not once!

Maybe because I am tall but it never meant much to me that a man was taller than me. I mean evidently it would be part of what I found attractive about them but not something I would expect others to care about!

And If she had said his eye colour or hair colour would you find that equally noteworthy?

Exactly! The sorts of things I've heard friends swoon over is a man's lovely eyes, or if he's done something romantic, if he wore a suit maybe and looked really swish. But not height! Never once did I ever expect anyone to be impressed by the fact my DH was able to grow to stand higher than me. 😂

This thread is eye opening and also a bit strange! It's coming from somewhere, and I suspect it's the smaller men or the women who somehow feel judged (maybe? I don't know!) for being with/liking shorter men? The earlier argument of "leaves the good short men for the rest of us!" is so odd. As though tall men are all love rats or something and women who like them are shallow. 🤷‍♀️

Strange. It's never once come up in conversation between me and any woman I've ever known, other than when talking about what we like in a man - usually nested amongst other attributes such as humour and kindness!

I wish he would believe this, he has an idea from dating profiles that women want men 6' or more. If he could afford leg-lengthening surgery, he'd probably do it. I can't say that height has ever been something I've considered in a potential partner

Well it’s been an interesting debate. If I were dating, any height would be acceptable providing the man was taller than me. But each to their own