To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

Well I prefer short men. I’m only 5’2 though.

It’s not new but with online dating and being able to filter by height it is very much more of a thing. Though 5ft 11 is hardly short is it so your mate is daft as a brush. DS best mate at 5ft 5 and is clearly having a hard time dating because he is short.

I have two women friends who were both 6ft one has sadly died but would be 58 now and the other is close to 70. Back then it was very unusual to be a woman that tall and they both hated it. Both ended up with men who were well over 6ft. One has a DS who is 6ft 6.

Hey op!
If your male friend told you that he turned down a woman because of her weight, would you then also come here acting all baffled?
Or do you alloe men to have their preferences?

I think traditionally women liked men to be a couple of inches taller at least which fits in with averages so fair enough, but now it seems to be more about image and how they will look together. My dh is only 5 foot 8, but he is still 4 inches taller than me. When I was young I didn't like tall men, i felt intimidated by them, probably because my brothers are tall and I always felt they bossed me around.

Yeah that's insane! I can understand having a "type" because mine is definitely taller, bigger men. But I've dated men who were shorter, and while DH is tall he definitely wasn't "big" when we met, he was really quite skinny! Purely from an online photo or profile I might have rejected him.
Also rejecting someone for being a completely average height is ridiculous! Since when is 5'10 short?!

I've always loved tall men. I'm 5 foot 9 so in heels can easily be over 6 foot...I would prefer not to tower over someone.

Yes, perhaps I didn't explain "modern" well enough - but this is what I mean in an OLD dating context. Of course I'm aware of phrases like "tall, dark and handsome" have been around for donkey's years, but I feel height is something that more people use to reject people on now than was the case pre the advent of OLD apps.

And is being taller than someone when wearing heels more important than finding a good, loving partner?

There's and obsession over height 🤔

I'm 5ft 2 and love a tall man. I'm OLD and go for 6ft ideally. My lowest is 5ft 8. I just love being with a tall man. Always have, and I was born in the early 70s!

I agree. I prefer shorter men but wouldn’t completely rule out a tall man if everything else was right. It’s all about the overall package for me not individual characteristics like height, hair or eye colour.

Women won’t even consider a man under 6ft but would scream abuse if a man said he wouldn’t date a women of a certain size.

I think it's tough for taller women. I'm 5'9" and most men who claim to be 5'10" or 5'11" are shorter than me or the same height and many men are put off by women taller than them.

Yes some people don’t like people of a different race or hate people with particular hair colours. Date whoever you like but know what you are doing and perpetuating.

The man I have found most attractive doesn't meet any of the physical criteria I used in my OLD days, and is an entirely different type.

No, because height and weight are two very different things.

As mentioned - height is something that is down to genes, and something that you can't change - as much as you might like to.

Weight is something you can control and change. Somebody who is short isn't a sign they live an unhealthy life style - it's just the height they were born with. Somebody who is overweight likely does have an unhealthy lifestyle, which is far more understandable as being a deal-breaker.

I'm quite short myself, so I don't mind under the normal cut-off of 6 ft, but I would like a man to be taller than me.

I once went on a date with a really lovely guy but I couldn't get over him being a few inches shorter than me, and I felt really bad. I'm not actually sure if it was the height or that he'd clearly deliberately chosen photos that hid how short he was and that was what turned me off.

I think if I'd met him organically in real life (i.e. if I'd always know how short he was), the height wouldn't have been such a dealbreaker.

Dating by app is awful. In real life, people get a chance to grow on you, and lots of stuff just doesn't matter.

I think it's probably an evolutionary, subconscious thing, taller men perhaps more likely to be better hunters, protectors and warriors and therefore have the genes we want to pass on.

Preferring "Tall, dark and handsome" is hardly modern.

My preferred height would be whatever height a man is that can rest his chin on top of my head for a non- mathematical scale so as I'm am 5ft 7 that's someone just shy of 6ft.

The over 6 foot thing is hilarious to me, because by doing this, you’re automatically reducing the dating pool that could be attracted to you.

people aren’t going to like those last words in bold but here’s the thing -

Guys over 6 foot have the pick of their choice theoretically. Some of them may want a 5 foot 3” woman in her early forties, size 16-18, and long may those men be celebrated. But many of them will think they have the body equivalent of an Amex Platinum card, and will act accordingly - they’ll bypass the queue and go for what they want.

So unless you’re built like Kylie or have the confidence, build and humour of Anna Kendrick, isn’t it just wishful thinking to believe you’ll snag all the 6 footers just by sliding a toggle on an app?!

Get ready for lots of coffee meet ups where she complains "there are no good men out there" and "on line dating is rubbish".

@HeightObession you are wrong in that height doesn't signify an unhealthy lifestyle though, shorter people are more likely to have not had a healthy lifestyle when they were very young which is a knock on to adult height.

Infact its something that is impacted by your Grandmothers health when she is pregnant with your mother. Plenty of research has been carried out of people who were pregnant during times of famine and stress including the Holocaust and the knock on effect of future generations of the damage done.

This, all my boyfiends have had dark hair, blue eyes and around 6ft- it's just my type. I don't really fancy men who don't adhere to these parameters- I can't help it.

I like what I like 🤷‍♀️. I have never felt attracted to a man who is shorter than me. I'm 5'10" so the bar is literally set quite high.

I think it's partly ingrained by society that the man has to be taller. My own parents reinforced that. My mum is 5'3" and dad was 6'4".

Whether it's shallow or superficial why should I have to force myself to go against my natural inclination.

I'm pushing 70 and it's always been the case in my experience that many (most?) women prefer men 6ft +, (including my MIL and both my DDs).

Why DW preferred me at 5'10" I can't say.

Wow, OP, you think overweight people are more likely to have an 'unhealthy lifestyle' and should be selected out? A lot of overweight is due to genetic factors. (Also, not everybody has the same basic body type; some men are cuddly and strong.)

For your age 5'10 is reasonably tall isn't it ?