To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

Height for men is probably comparable to bra size for women. Personal preference and not much you can do about what you’re born with, it’s just what is traditionally attractive . My DH isn’t very tall but I’m pleased that both my sons are, I think it does give men a bit of an advantage.

Oh here we go...

I was being deliberately careful with my words, but yes, most (not all) overweight people do tend to have unhealthy lifestyles - that's just a fact, and I'm sorry if that offends you. Just as most (not all) people underweight have unhealthy lifestyles too.

The basic point is the same. Height is something you can't control, weight (for most people) is - so yes, I understand people rejecting others based on weight far more than on height.

I honestly never see obsession with height, anywhere other than on Mumsnet.

Posters are desperate to tell everyone how tall their DC are, and they just have to tell everyone that their DH is 6 ft 4 inches tall. Soooooo many tall husbands, and tall children on Mumsnet. It's quite incredible! 😆

.

It's not just in the OLD world. I'm 5ft tall and recently went out with a mate who is a couple of inches taller. We were going on to meet another mate of hers. My friend went on and on about how short we both are and she couldn't believe two very short women were going out with her tallest friend and how odd it would look. I was expecting someone 6ft+ to turn up.
In the event the lady was about 5ft 7in. Taller than us certainly but not freakishly so, I don't think our little group attracted any attention because of it. But that didn't stop my friend referring to it several more times over the course of our day out.

It's not a modern obsession at all. It's just made more obvious by OLD where people can have a list of criteria and automatically discard anyone who doesn't meet it. I think it's great that some people have these preferences because it leaves more options for those people who don't. I'm 6ft tall, but am not at all attracted to very tall men, so I'm pretty happy that most women have the opposite preference. OTOH a lot of men don't want to date women who are taller than them, so it isn't just women who care about the height if their partner.

I'm 5"2, happy to date the 5"6 men. It's also a bit racist to only date tall men as you're cutting out a lot of Asian or Latino men, Mediterranean men aren't generally tall either.

When my DS (now 24) started OLD, he explained to me that there are a significant group of women (who are not tall!) who only want very tall and their minimum was 6' 3". As he said, this then led to lots of guys significantly exaggerating their heights to get closer to it.
When he met his partner, the first thing she did was to comment on the fact that he actually was the height he said on his profile (6' 4"). Tis bonkers, as there are a v small percentage of the population who are that tall.

When I was single after divorce in my 40s, I had a bit of a preference list, tall, non smoker etc. however it was different then, in that I was meeting people in person, as online dating hadn't really taken off, in the 90s.
I met my late husband who was very tall, but was a smoker. It was his personality which mattered. He did give up the fags eventually.

Dating isn’t an equal opportunity endeavour, and people are free to discriminate as much or as little as they like.

So what if it reduces the pool? Presumably they’re aware of that and consider it preferable to dating someone they’re not attracted to.

My comments are purely theoretical/ based on what I've read from others, as I've never done OLD myself, but it seems to encourage these sorts of very fixed notions in terms of who people will date, in a way that's much harder meeting someone in real life (unless you carry a tape measure everywhere you go!). Similarly, there seems to be a thing about needing to reveal every aspect of yourself on a profile and/or disclose sooner, which again leads people to reject others a lot sooner (and for fairly spurious reasons) than they would face to face (although I guess in many cases this leads to many bullets being dodged!). I have read on a FB group many threads from people wondering how/when to disclose their mild cerebral palsy (hemiplegia) on OLD and also dealing with shitty reactions when they do. It just makes me sad. I don't expect to have to reel out my entire medical history and explain why my left arm is a bit duff when I meet someone for the first time in person - much less expect that someone would use that as a reason to freeze me out - so why do people demand that online? Sorry, rant over. I'm just glad I met DH in the old fashioned getting drunk at a student event way 😂

Yes this I was thinking it is analagous to the waist to hip ratio.

Maybe being 6'2" is like having a waist hip ratio of 0.67.

I think looking for an intimate partner is the one time you’re allowed to apply whatever bars, rational or irrational, you want. And if she wants men 5ft11 and over and over that’s fine. What that will do though is narrow the pool of men available significantly, in particular when you add in other requirements.

I have a friend who was online dating without huge success and saying not many men out there. She told me about the criteria she was applying and I thought to myself well obviously there aren’t many, you’ve got a big list of non negotiables here so your potential pool is tiny and they are going to sought after by lots of women. So I gently suggested that she might want to review her list a bit to consider which were must haves and which preferred but not essential to open up the pool a bit. Eventually she did and unsurprisingly there were more acceptable men.

People can't help what features they do or don't find attractive - whether that's height, weight, facial hair, tattoos etc.

I've personally never been sexually attracted to a man who is shorter than me - just like I've never been attracted to someone with a facial tattoo 🤷‍♀️

I'm not a fan of telling people off for what they do and don't find attractive in a potential partner, tbh. We're all different and nobody should be shamed for not finding certain body types or features unappealing.

I’m not perpetuating anything, it’s merely a preference.

Lots of women like men to be taller than them. It’s not at all unusual. Your friend is tall and doesn’t want to date someone the same height as she finds taller men more attractive so YABU.

There'll be a lot of screaming then as men are vastly more concerned with physical attributes in dating than women are.

Head wobbling here. Are folks really so shallow or desperate in terms of making new friends, finding a new partner? Because if that’s the case, then they are going to struggle. A shallow personality is a huge put off for either males or females.

Haha no. I am and probably always shall be small but reading Hilary Mantel (for one) about the biology of her weight changes was an eye opener; also having friendships with very differently sized people and learning more about their background. I wouldn't want to be in your social circle and am off this thread.

Date whoever you like but know what you are doing and perpetuating

So aren't people allowed to have personal preferences when it comes to sexual partners? It's hardly "perpetuating" anything to say you don't find something attractive

It is strange that nearly all heterosexual women in our society are only attracted to tall men.
It's clearly been socialised into us that men must bigger than us. I've seen many women say they like to feel small next to a man, why would that be?
Attraction isn't in a vacuum we are definitely influenced by societal expectations and standards.
Men are the same, wanting women to smaller and saying tall women are manly etc.

It is strange that nearly all heterosexual women in our society are only attracted to tall men.

Are they?

Have you spoken to them all?

Hasn’t this always been the case?
Im old so I was dating before the internet existed; but tall men always seemed more attractive than shorter ones and I’m only average height.

My husband is shorter than me and it was kind of an issue for me at the start (that seems laughable now). I think it's complicated though rather than just people being shallow/superficial. Most women spend their lives feeling too big, told to be thinner, smaller, less visible, take up less space. Being with someone smaller than you plays on those ingrained fears of being too big. Luckily I got past it and now don't even think about it.

I've seen many women say they like to feel small next to a man, why would that be?

Presumably it goes back to a time where men were hunters and protectors - a big strong man is more like to fight off a predator than a smaller one.

Right, okay, so a guy with a giant beer belly and double chin isn't the sign of leading an unhealthy lifestyle. Well I'm glad we've cleared that up!