To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

Why? What happens if he's not?

Spontaneous combustion I heard.

Only by shallow cunts.

I'd better warn my sister and her DP!

Why?

Same. It's because I'm self-conscious about my height. But I'm 5'9" and I'd happily date someone the same height, would just feel uncomfortable with someone shorter.

My late husband and I never burst into flames. Maybe we were doing "being the wrong size" the wrong way.

It’s ok I saw your other answers and realise you’re not here to be serious

Zendaya and Tom Holland seem to be doing okay.

I think that person is just trolling.

I think you're right.

I fancied tall blonde men typically but my last relationships have been with shorter, stocky men with dark hair. Including the 20 year one I’m currently enjoying.

I’m quite tall (172 cm) he’s quite short (172 cm). Works fine, my neck never has to stretch, his kids will be taller and my kids are half of his awesomeness. And we can, at a push, share shoes.

I am not sure it would have worked if he had been two inches shorter. As a relatively tall woman you feel very large on occasion and it’s not a great feeling if you feel generally larger than you feel you should.

They've been together nearly 10 years so I guess they are ok.

But on the off chance something does go wrong I think he should date me instead.

We managed nearly 27. No spontaneous combustion.

When we got engaged, my aunty (5 ft nothing at most) took me aside to inform me that I couldn't wear heels to the wedding...so I wore 3 inch stilettos.

Damn near broke my neck going down the aisle!

I think the issue is the arbitrary nature of it.

Six foot is the British and American standard/minimum because it is a nice round number. In Europe, it's 'often' 180 cm, which is 5' 11".

There's zero reason why one is better than the other, and if all my female friends are anything to go by, they couldn't tell you what six inches is, let alone six foot! I bet if they dated blind and simply saw men without knowing their height, they'd be fine with simply 'taller'.

Only by stupid people

I find this language incredibly problematic. How can there ever be an “issue” with who somebody decides they will and will not be intimate with?

Why is it a problem if it is issue? In the field of dating people have the right to be as discriminatory as they wish.

Honestly, everyone has a right to 'standards', but men's standards are often shamed, whereas women's standards are applauded for "you go girl, you shouldn't settle!"

Height is a pure preference, just like breast size. You don't 'need' either.

A woman saying she wants a six foot guy, with six inches, muscles, full head of hair (not bald), good dresser, great in bed, etc, is completely acceptable. Now look at the male equivalent. A man saying he prefers skinny girls, big boobs, petite, below 30, low 'body count', etc. is a monster! These are all equivalent standards, but his preferences are seen as body shaming, sexist, selfish, discriminatory..

Upthread I quoted a line from a novel I’m reading. The protagonist liked that her boyfriend was tall but she liked the fact it was a quality prized by others even more. I do wonder whether there is a bit of trophyism going on with this preference.

Men often shout these preferences for their podcasts putting down the women who don’t match them who they could just leave alone and not date. If they just dated who they wanted to it would not be a problem. Instead they want to make women into what they desire, humiliate them… that is what is on so many of their podcasts which is gross. I hardly see women doing a thing and I bet it is not on such a scale. If women don’t like men they don’t date them and leave them alone which is their right. But even this isn’t good enough apparently.

Nobody ever shame’s men’s standards. They may shame standards that are expressed disrespectfully are hypocritical or that are demonstrably harmful (such as grooming or misogyny) but that’s it. And women who express preferences in the same way are equally criticised.

If anything men’s dating preferences are far more protected. Nobody would ever start a thread berating a man for only wanting to date a woman he is attracted to but all up and down this thread women are being criticised for not being willing to date a man solely because he is “nice” but whom she is not physically attracted to.

Nobody says “you go girl” about women’s dating preferences either.

Saying somebody’s dating preferences are nobody else’s business is not saying “you go girl”.

Honestly this entire discussion is leaning in to rape culture. Who cares if a woman prefers not take up one of the dating options available to her.

Who is harmed by that? Nobody.