To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

This actually seems more bizarre - it's not that you're bothered by his height, but you are bothered by what other people will think about his height!

It's your friend's obsession. That's all.

Er, no- stop being deliberately obtuse. Society tells us that being tall is valued in a man in the same way that youth is a desired quality for women. Thats the point.

With both of these it is biologically driven.

If that was true no man under 6ft would ever get a partner and neither would any woman past her first flush of youth. Unlike other animals we live in developed societies which influence how we think for good or ill.

You Don't watch MAFS then?

Maybe I'm not human then and neither are most of the people surrounding me as plenty are with and in love with men who aren't tall and men who are in love and happy with women their own age. Height has never been important to me.
Maybe.. just maybe we're all different 🤔

The thing is, whether we consider someone’s dating preferences reasonable or not, they’re their preferences and they’re entitled to them, no matter how daft or prejudiced they may seem to us.

Dating (and, ultimately, who we choose to be intimate with) is highly discriminatory. You can’t make someone be attracted to someone they’re not just because they ‘should be’. And that means having to accept some women aren’t attracted to shorter men, some men aren’t attracted to larger women etc, etc. And that many others are, or couldn’t care less about those things.

There’s also something about telling people their dating preferences are wrong and that they should be more open to x,y,z that makes me very uncomfortable. I know this is way off what’s being discussed here, but at the extreme end of this spectrum you have lesbian women on dating apps being told (by men) that they’re close-minded for having a ‘genital preference’ and should be open to dating lesbians with penises …

I do admit I have wondered if this is a driver for women who want children. I'm 5'7", my ex was 5'5" and DH is the same height as me. Ex hated his height (but unfortunately had small man syndrome because of it), DH hates his height, I didn't/don't have any issue with either of their heights, but DH reckons I might have felt differently if I'd wanted children, which I never have.

Dunno. I'd prefer to think it's an issue for some women and not others, like all aesthetic preferences, but who knows.

That makes me sad. My boy is 5ft 7 at nearly 17. I worry he won’t get any taller and women will reject him

I do think men have it rough in this regard, I feel sorry for shorter men having to contend with it. If it's any help, I don't think DH was ever rejected by a woman over his height, in fact he had quite an active dating life and was a dad by the time he met me in his 30s.

My boyfriend is 5’6 and utterly perfect (well mostly) he had a hard time dating due to his height. He was getting a bit fed up of it by the time we met (I’m shorter) but he’s a lovely, handsome wonderful person and I’m so so lucky. His height doesn’t cross my mind. My second son is 5’8 @Chipsahoy i know he is a bit sensitive about his height but he’s a lovely lad and I’m sure both will meet lovely people in time. Not everyone is fussed re height

Yeah it's shit that even women shorter than that are so fussy. What I've seen in my life is that if a shorter man has a wicked personality, kind and is handsome then he won't have problems.

I'm a 5 foot 3 woman and other women make bitchy comments about my height. I thought I was a little under average and now I have a complex lol. God help smaller men

Also 5 foot 10 is the higher side of average for a man I would have thought?

Women rushing to white knight for men who absolutely would not be doing the same thing is one of life’s biggest mysteries to me!

I've said this before but my son is very very tall and he thinks it puts women off. He says there is a sweet spot of between 6 foot and 6 foot 3 and anything over that is sometimes off putting. Or 'freakish' in his words.

Yeah - I probably should have said “it’s quite common” because it definitely is.

People absolutely do have race preferences (preferences for darker and lighter skin) and will state so very openly on dating profiles. There are been many articles written on that but strangely men will defend to the death their right to exclude women of certain races they “don’t find attractive” but then get very annoyed at women having physical preferences that exclude certain men.

Everybody has physical preferences so I don’t understand why women preferring not to date shorter men is the one that people get worked up about.

Absolutely every word of this!

Absolutely 💯- we all have preferences fur sexual partners and no one should have right to judge who anyone else wants to sleep with.

I’ve seen the comments where so called lesbians with penises shout transphobia when gay women don’t want sex with them and saying it’s wrong to think of a sexual partner in terms of genitals - I mean wtaf???

Personally I’m attracted to taller, broad shouldered white men, my best mate is only really attracted to black men. Thats not racist, we’re allowed to have preferences as to who gets our pulses raving.

Im an hour glass 5’7 12/14 with Mediterranean colouring - someone into petite blue eyed blondes wouldn’t be attracted to me and that’s absolutely their prerogative.

I did date a guy for a year who was only an inch taller than me and he made a bigger deal of it than me. He got the hump if I ever wore even small heels so it wasn’t worth drama. I don’t wear heels anymore due to my poor ageing feet but I still naturally prefer a man several inches taller.

Yes it’s an inch taller than the average UK height for males.

I think your son is spot on I'd say 5'11"- 6'3. Likemost men like women to have a waist between 23 and 28 inches.

mine is over 6ft, and I'm 5'.6"
height was never going to be a dealbreaker, but it's nice having SOMEONE in the couple that can reach the top shelf 😂

he's always being approached in the supermarket with "you're nice and tall. would you be so kind as to get me one of those from the shelf?"

Tell that to my DB and SIL. He’s 5ft. 8 and she is 6ft, they have been happily together for 16 years and have a teenager.