To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

The thing is a relatively small percentage of men are over 6 foot. Out of that you might only find a percentage of them attractive (they still have to have good facial features, be charming, make money etc). Then it leaves most women online chasing after a small pool of men.

This. I cannot muster the energy to get upset about this issue. Men themselves have all sorts of dating preferences - breast size, hair colour, weight, age (my friends in their 40s who are divorced and online dating are struggling to find a man their age who isnt looking for a woman at least 10 years younger) etc.

I am not going to cry for men about the height issue when it is women who have been and still are judged the most harshly in our society on purely superficial appearance. Dont even get me started on ageing - men are allowed to age. Women are not.

But they are less likely to suffer from coronary heart disease and strokes. So, it may balance out.

Should i set my son up for no one wanting him then ?🤣

Well Rusty, my grandfather was 5 foot 6 and a half - and he was a very handsome man. Had many women interested in him and fluttering her eyelashes at him. Much to the outrage of my gran! (She was also very attractive. Looked a bit like Elizabeth Taylor, and wasn't short of male attention.) She was about 4 inches shorter than him.

But yeah, my grandfather's lack of being 6 foot 4 never stopped him being really attractive to women or very successful in business. He owned his own successful business, (that he built from scratch!) and employed over 70 staff. Travelled extensively, had a holiday villa in Sydney, Australia, and a holiday apartment in Andalucia, and also 3 top of the range luxury cars.

Your son will be fine @RustyandDusty

As long as he steers clear of online dating, he will be fine.

Hahaha he's stunning so I'm not worried.

I bet he is. A man doesn't have to be over 6 foot tall to be attractive. 🙄

And a man is not necessarily attractive just because he’s over 6ft tall either. Although some women behave as though they are. Used to work with a guy over 6ft tall and ex RAF. Facially he was very average but so many women used to go silly over him!

Can’t say that I consider that a problem.

Men have appearance requirements too. Most men will reject women they deem to be too fat, or old (and by old I mean their age or a couple of years older), or have visible greys etc etc. Ultimately women have been socialised to go for taller men and tall women are made to feel less feminine if they're not shorter than a man.

OP- I would like to highlight the other side of this. I am female and 5'10". I have dated men in the past who were shorter than me and I had zero issue with it.
However, it was them who constantly brought it up. Telling me not to wear heels because it made them feel insecure, constantly bringing up my height in conversations, (why?- it's not like I can change it?!), making comments about how tall I was etc. All the while, I never even mentioned height but all I got were constant put downs and controlling comments about not wearing heels. Like fck I am going to let any man tell me what to wear so those men are now exes.

@applepipshake I understand where you're coming from. I'm 5'6" and don't consider myself particularly tall but shorter men would often pick up on this, and make critical remarks, even though I was still shorter than them!

That was before OLD though. You have to be 6 foot now to even get filtered through on most preferences.

There may have other factors involved too.

”He owned his own successful business, (that he built from scratch!) and employed over 70 staff. Travelled extensively, had a holiday villa in Sydney, Australia, and a holiday apartment in Andalucia, and also 3 top of the range luxury cars.”

Not everyone is on OLD. I’m not arsed about height, possibly because when I meet someone in person, and am not comparing them to hundreds of other profiles, so many factors are relevant to attraction.

I honestly don’t care about height whatsoever, it just doesn’t bother me at all. I dated a guy an inch shorter than me once so I towered over him in heels and I had feet one size larger than his too. Didn’t deter me at all, I didn’t dislike him any less for it. I’ve also dated a guy almost a foot taller (and I’m a fairly tall woman so he was huge!) and again, I just didn’t really think much of it.

The only thing I would say is hugging taller people can be awkward because your head doesn’t lean on or over their shoulder as it does with people closer in height to you!

But whenever they lean over and scoop you up. Urgh. For me, that's part of it! Big tall man leaning to snuggle me.

My neck hurts a lot. 😂

I was also waiting in a shop queue recently and a scruffy shorter man behind me in the queue looked me up and down and said sneerily: "You're tall for a woman arent you?". I said "yes, and you're short for a man arent you?". He shut up then.

Good for you.

We need more of that.

Men have types they just will settle a lot more than women. Generally a woman is a lot more honest to herself about what she likes. A man can be with you and not even like you. I find too that men are a lot more willing to disparage women they don't like so all this fuss because many women prefer tall men feels pointless to me.

L

According to Google the average height for a man in the UK is 5ft9, so 5ft10 is above average height!

I think this is mostly an issue for tall women. I'm average height for a woman so the height of a man isn't something I really think about much.

Almost all men are taller than me, so I'm not sure how I would feel about a man who was shorter than me. I might find it off putting, but super tall men (e.g. 6ft4 plus) are also off putting to me. I don't want someone towering over me.

Doesn't matter. He'd have been filtered out by his height online (unless he lied) and barely got a match.

I do think it's incredibly superficial. I'm in a family.of short people and feel a bit sad the men will be overlooked a little for not being tall. Attraction cannot be compelled of course but it's a shame if it's the only thing putting someone off.
My favourite men are probably 5' 8 tops :)

(I don't mean in general just tbe ones on my life the best ones aren't so tall!)

Yes, women that wouldn’t be attracted to him would filter him out - hardly a bad thing.

Someone may have wonderful qualities, but if you’re not attracted to them you’re not attracted to them, and wanting to find your partner attractive is hardly a controversial notion. It’s not missing out to not date someone you don’t want to, and no one should feel compelled to date someone for fear of being seen as superficial.

I don't think women are obsessed by men's height, any more than men are obsessed by having a pretty, slim woman. I seem to regularly see someone posting about women discriminating about men's height on mumsnet. I don't think it will make women change who they are attracted to, any more than someone posting on men's sites telling them to stop being obsessed with pretty, slim women would make any difference