To think some people try really hard to appear 'chaotic' ?

[AmandaPleaseDotCom]

Sounds nuts but I swear this is a thing around my area.

Examples include making a big deal about how late/disheveled their kid is at pre school (when they are 4 mins past start time and the kid looks fine).

Saying how they never clean their house, don't have time for housework etc but the house always seems clean and tidy.

Trying to appear disorganised with things like school tours (all our kids will start school next year) and booking events, yet we always see them at these things lol.

I'm naturally quite disorganised and messy but I try quite hard to disguise this, despite always feeling like the flustered flappy mum. Luckily my DH is Mr Organised so as a family we don't miss out but I just find it so odd how many people seem to almost 'gloat' that their lives are chaotic when they totally aren't?! Am I mad?!

I don't think it's that they want to appear chaotic necessarily. I think they just want to downplay how organised they are so they don't come across as too smug or put-together. They probably realise that would be off putting.

I think I know what you mean. People who deny that they put any effort into anything. But still everything they do turns out perfect. They look perfect even though they “just threw some clothes on”. Their cooking is perfect even though “it’s just something they knocked together”. And I remember them at school saying they’d done hardly any revision for the exam but passed with top marks anyway.

So if people talk about how together they are it's smug of bragging and if they talk about how chaotic they are it's the same

Is there a check list to complete on what is acceptable or not?

Yes, the 'frazzled English woman' has become an aspirational aesthetic in some parts. Some people I know do this extremely well but they're the most organised and together people I know.

Why is there any need to talk about how together/chaotic you are at all? Just do you.

This! Though the two friends I have who are like this are from US and Canada.

In fairness I do think they are a little chaotic but making it a „look at me“ characteristic is a bit ridiculous.

Its the newest trendy signal for the virtue signallers. Woe is me, busy busy busy. Guessing there’s a TikTok algorithm which is encouraging such behaviour.

I think sometimes it’s preemptive strike.

If they are actually four minutes late, they feel better mentioning it than imagining you are thinking “oh I caught you attempting to slide in late.”

Ditto the house. They probably worry there is some task left undone that others will look askance at so prefer to “ acknowledge” rather than let people think they’ve been judged behind their unknowing backs.

I haven't seen this. That's is quite funny. So you think they are performing being chaotic but they actually have everything in order? Maybe these people were the kids who pretended never to do homework until the last minute or revise but always handed in tidy, organised work and waltzed out of the exam hall with full marks?

I think, weirdly, some people think it makes them look 'cute' (for want of a better word). Or, it's a stealth brag that despite them being frazzled and all over the place, they STILL manage to get stuff done, so they're just amazing.

The glorification of "busy".

Yes, it's 'frazzled English woman'. Apparantly you have to wear a big scarf to pull it off.

I was that kid. No one believed me but it was true every tine. The truth is I ( no longer: too old!) functioned better under time pressure and subconsciously knew it.

But did you make a big song and dance about leaving it to the last minute and generate a bit of drama about it?

I think that's the op's point - that they signal distress for sport.

I have no idea if anyone else is pretending but I am certainly not. Why on earth would I intentionally send my daughter to school as a book character when it was not World Book Day? My chaos trails behind me without my consent.

Its not that deep. People just mean they have a thousand things to think about and feel like they are constantly about to drop the ball- even if they don't.

I personally prefer it to the breezy "whay, like its hard?" vibe.

I think some people are competitively busy. I have one friend in particular who will always, always say she’s ‘busy’ whenever you ask her how she is. She will usually elaborate with a long list of totally normal things that she has to do.

Me: Hey, how are you? Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend?
Her: So busy! Hectic week at work, so much pressure at the moment. On top of that all the kids stuff, weekend got to do laundry, tidy, gym, homework. Mad. Need a break!!

She will also be the person who you make plans with and she turns up late because she had so much important stuff to do. Or she can fit you in but only for an hour in between all her other stuff.

I mean, most people are busy. But some people just love to make themselves seem like a busy/chaotic character to show how important/in demand they are. She would never say she’s ‘fine’ or ‘good’ or she’s just ‘having a quiet weekend’.

I work so hard to be organised and effective. I doubt people can see that in my head everything is chaos. I'm forever apologising for my inefficiency, even when I get things right. It's a pre-emptive apology, because I'm never certain that I have actually succeeded at being organised or efficient.

Perhaps she is like this.

Yes! Totally agree. I have a “friend” who posts regularly online about this type of stuff. Pretends to never know what’s happening, pretends to always be late, confused, doesn’t read school emails blah blah blah yet has never missed a thing etc

She also refers to herself as “a legend” and anyone who does this is a massive twat.

I’m one of the people who are fairly organised, don’t miss dates, always prepared, cook well, bake well, don’t think my house is very tidy but there we go. I get told, ‘oh you’re way more organised than me’ it’s such a backhanded compliment. What can you say if someone says ‘your cakes look amazing’ or ‘this meal is incredible’, I don’t want to brag and I don’t want the compliment. I just want to do things my way without being pulled up on it. You seriously can’t win, it’s not a competition. If they’re saying they’re chaotic, like it’s quirky, without any comment from anyone else, yes they’re a twat. If they’re not saying anything but getting ‘compliments’ then leave them alone. Just don’t comment.

Truthfully, and with the benefit of wisdom and hindsight, I probably did a bit. I do remember kind of eyeballing deadlines and at the last minute getting a sense of panic that this was the occasion on which I’d cut it too fine and, in that way that schoolgirls often relish drama, I probably did then have a minor flap. The reality is it was the panic that gave me the adrenaline burst and helped me pull it all together. I no longer get those bursts quite so obligingly mid-40’s! Couldn’t live that way now.

The other thing that happened a little was people would ask me “ have YOU even started yet?” to which I would have to admit no. I guess that created a stir as well, but less of my making.

ETA but no, I’m direct answer to your question @ByMerryKoala you are right that it wasn’t “ for sport.” It was either genuine panic or answering a question honestly which caused 😱

Oh my good god, she sounds insufferable.

I don't think this is a new thing - see also 'excuse the mess' as they usher you into a photo set from House & Garden. And yes, very much the grown up version of 'omg I haven't revised, I'm going to fail' from the straight A student.

I think as pp have mentioned it's an anxiety/reassurance thing. You've mentally dealt with the worst case scenario of failure/adverse peer judgement, so you can get on with thinking more positively.

Anyone who calls themselves a legend is very odd though.

“I’m such a legend!” 😂Yes that is insufferable.

Oh yeah I'm like this. It's not faked chaos, it's real chaos. I find everyday life very very difficult, small things like getting organised for PE, buying lunch box the night before the first day of school, frantically tidying before anyone gets to my house. I wouldn't say that I brag about it, but I'm not ashamed of it either, so I don't feel the need to try and hide this part of my personality and lifestyle. Why should I? What's it to anyone else it I'm sewing the Halloween costume at 1am the night before?

I do get things done, at the last minute. You'll see me at events and seeing my children looking nice at school. But it does take a whole load of behind the scenes chaos to get there.