To think some people try really hard to appear 'chaotic' ?

[AmandaPleaseDotCom]

Sounds nuts but I swear this is a thing around my area.

Examples include making a big deal about how late/disheveled their kid is at pre school (when they are 4 mins past start time and the kid looks fine).

Saying how they never clean their house, don't have time for housework etc but the house always seems clean and tidy.

Trying to appear disorganised with things like school tours (all our kids will start school next year) and booking events, yet we always see them at these things lol.

I'm naturally quite disorganised and messy but I try quite hard to disguise this, despite always feeling like the flustered flappy mum. Luckily my DH is Mr Organised so as a family we don't miss out but I just find it so odd how many people seem to almost 'gloat' that their lives are chaotic when they totally aren't?! Am I mad?!

I’ve seen this a lot with pretending their kids are not doing their homework or doing homework really last min and then some really well put together beautiful displays/posters etc handed. I’ve dismissive this as just competitive behaviour

I think it might have something to do with the 200 years habit of people feeling pressure to be constantly productive (puritan work ethic?), which even seeps into people's leisure time. It gives me great pleasure to respond to the question, "How are you, are you busy?", with "No (even if I am), are you?"

I think there are some quite negative perceptions of people who try hard to have everything perfect or spend a lot of time carefully organising things, so people try to avoid this by saying they are more disorganised than they are.

It might be a way to stop others being upset with them when things go well, even though it's a result of very careful planning.

I suppose it could go the other way and be this. Like someone with perfect hair they've carefully done saying they just got out of bed that way, to show off how effortlessly their perfection is.

Give the benefit of the doubt where it's due and assume people are doing this to be nice, until it becomes obvious if they aren't!

Is it a bit like the MC woman hot mess trope?

Isn't this just yet another way to be mean about other women? We're all in it together, some cope with the pressure by being over organised and others embrace the chaos, and some perform these, it's all the same in the end, we're all coping with trying our best not to lose the plot and vaguely come across as a likeable human while secretly feeling a bit inadequate, confused and lonely aren't we? So can't we just hold these judgements loosely,let them go and use our energy for other things?

I get ya. There are those type of people. I remember being one of them in early secondary school - getting good grades but trying to make out 'oh I didn't study' etc. Thankfully I grew out of it. Others don't 🤷

I think I can be a bit like this. Not because I am trying to "out busy" anyone else but because I genuinely find it really hard to keep on top of what are perfectly normal demands (and the mental lead thereof). Having something unexpected land on my plate can really throw me. I wish I found it easier/less stressful to keep up with everything, but I don't.

Sure but is that all you talk about? With my friend it can be the whole focus. She goes on and on about how busy she is. That’s why it can seem like ‘competitive busyness’.

I hope not! It mostly comes up in the context of it being hard to find a time/date to meet up with people, or me complaining that boring tasks take all my time/energy and wishing I had more time for fun stuff. Mostly it feels like a personal failing that I can't cope as well as I should with everyday demands, but I've only shared that with a few close friends (and now the whole Internet).

Honestly think it’s different @MilmoMaggins! It’s one thing being busy/struggling to keep up. But other people make it their whole personality and seem to enjoy it. That doesn’t sound like you to be honest!

I think the same and as a perpetually chaotic, disorganised person (I have ADHD and autism) I try So. Damn. Hard to appear to everyone as thought I’ve got my 💩 together.

I find this trend highly irritating.

What is this trope?

The only people I have met who were like this were attention seekers with low self esteem.

I am fed up hearing people say how busy they are and that they don't have time for themselves. Well stop living a crowded life. Some parents take their children to an activity every weekday evening and Saturday morning. There is no need for parents to push their children. Children need time to relax and do what they want, not what their parents seem to think necessary.

There's someone quite well known on instagram who embodies this "ditzy, frazzled English middle class woman" ..
lots of clearly made up stories of how she forgets things , is muddling through , hilarious anecdotes, crocodile tears when it all goes wrong .
It is all an act of someone ruthlessly efficient, alpha female who is running a very successful business in schilling stuff to other souls who fall for her pretend helpless chaotic comedy act .
I had to unfollow as once you see it ....you see it's all a scam to appear relatable.

I am currently re-watching ER - from mid 90s and saw new medical student Chen do this to Carter- she not had enough time it's not good enough quality she's really worried- then she gives a stunning presentation with graphics. It was way of making herself look better and getting ahead of competition.

DD2 having this with exam revisions - half aren't revising and doing badly and half claiming not to revise but clearly are. There's only a few like her admitting to plugging away at it slowly and surely. Same as in my day.

It just seems to have spread to social events and older ages as well now.

This has reminded me of someone telling me their daughter had hardly trained for a race that she won. I looked her up (I'm a runner myself and was curious) and saw that she was a member of a club, trained and raced a lot.
She won the race - good for her, but why make out she'd just rolled out of bed and decided to give it a go?

Weeks, months, a year and a half. Depends who wants to visit 😜

God I wish I was just pretending to be chaotic disorganised mess. I'd love to be one of these parents who have their sh1t together. I don't know how people do it tbh

I'm a lazy bugger and I know it. My friends are all scrubbing the windowsills (or whatever they do) while I play on my phone. When we rock up anywhere, I usually try and get my "chaotic but here" defense in first before the perfect mummy's start telling me "I've given Tarquin hand-knitted, vegan hummus wraps for his packed lunch"

Jeremy Clarkson.

Cannot bear the fake helplessness by a millionaire bully, who has spent a couple of decades being a motoring TV personality.

I think there’s a lot of this in it.

It takes the sting out of judgment if you’re the first to make it of yourself - similar to them laughing with you, not at you.

There may be a handful of stagey types who think it’s making an interesting impression, but I suspect much of the chaos is genuine ( at least in their mind) for most people.

I am barely house-trained, so I always apologise for the state of my house (although it's getting better, and before serious visitors I will have hidden the worst of it).

I'm on time though (generally early - since it's that or forget to turn up at all), and my kids are easy and do their homework, plus I have loads of bits and bobs so things like costumes aren't generally an issue and so genuinely either are done last minute, or we've been prepping for months (this year was a banger, but it was literally every weekend for the last month working on it - which I loved)

I don't judge anyone else who's better or worse than me at things though - I like a bit of variety, and quite enjoy someone who cares so much that they're pretending something was super-hard/super-easy/super-messy/super-late etc. I can even cope with mean-ness as long as it's not really hurting someone and we can all step away and laugh if it gets too much

What a fun new way to disparage women