To think some people try really hard to appear 'chaotic' ?

[AmandaPleaseDotCom]

Sounds nuts but I swear this is a thing around my area.

Examples include making a big deal about how late/disheveled their kid is at pre school (when they are 4 mins past start time and the kid looks fine).

Saying how they never clean their house, don't have time for housework etc but the house always seems clean and tidy.

Trying to appear disorganised with things like school tours (all our kids will start school next year) and booking events, yet we always see them at these things lol.

I'm naturally quite disorganised and messy but I try quite hard to disguise this, despite always feeling like the flustered flappy mum. Luckily my DH is Mr Organised so as a family we don't miss out but I just find it so odd how many people seem to almost 'gloat' that their lives are chaotic when they totally aren't?! Am I mad?!

You have heard of the beautiful swan madly flapping its legs under the water right? I thought that was most parents! (appearing to have it together, but underneath/at home, it's a shit show!!)

Not in my experience. It's incredibly inefficient, time consuming and expensive to be disorganised.

I just do me, but I also realise when other people talk about themselves I don't have to turn it into how hard done by it makes me feel, or 'I feel judged' or 'they can't say that or I feel bad'

It is not all about me

Wow!

I think some people are generally disorganised and chaotic (would be eyeballing DH, but he isn't with me).

However, ime there are definately some that make a mountain out of a molehill, and work for themselves. For example there are Mums at the school with 3/4 dcs, some with SEN, no support or childcare, always happy and never complaining. There is another Mum whose dcs are NT, well behaved, yet there will still be an "Oh Evie...: despite the child not doing anything! She has loads of support, grandparents on the scene to help a lot, and everything is a drama. She is first on the door, last one on the door keeping teacher back with trivial issues everyday; it holds up the queue! The latest one was not knowing how to apparently fill in a self explanatory short form, had to complete it on the door with a clipboard teacher had to bring out of course. She is intelligent with multiple high level qualifications, no issues with this sort of thing whatsoever. There is questions about every thing despite there being clear multiple forms of communication from the school. It is getting to the point there is eye rolling in the queue for parents who are actually busy!
There is always a huge fuss, and she acts like she is killed. She even moaned "oh Evie has to go to grandma's for dinner tonight err" like it was a negative. Thr grandmother came to the yard and picked the kid up, drops her back and everything! Mind boggling!

It's the new middle class cool mum aesthetic, a la Claudia Winkleman / Angela Scanlon.

God these people are annoying, they just love drama.

I know some genuinely chaotic people, and it's clear it's genuine because they're always failing to get things done, or look scruffy, or their house is a mess. I don't understand why because we all have the same jobs, family set ups etc. They clearly just can't organise themselves which is a bit silly when you're 35 but whatever, at least they're just being themselves.

But most of them are like the OP describes and it's just so fucking boring 🙄 it's just normal life! Get over it! They seem to think it makes them fun or quirky to be constantly in a flap, like the school kids who were always playing it cool because if you actually just do your work well then get good grades because you actually tried you're a nerd so you have to ham it up a bit to make sure you can try hard and do well but make it look like you're still cool or something. It's the competitve busyness too.

At mum and baby groups I regularly got back handed bitchy compliments like "Your hair looks amazing! (It's waist length and I like to do elaborate braided styles, it only takes 5 mins as I've been doing it for years so really isn't a case of finding an hour to pamper myself) I could NEVER do my hair nice I simply can't have 30 seconds to myself because insert list of totally normal tasks we all have to do but rambled on in a frantic way as if it's impossible to get them all done and even have time for a wash let alone something extravagant like brushing your hair I'm lucky if I get to brush it in the morning! That's why it's always a greasy mess tee hee" and they go on and on like doing my hair is indulgent and life is so hard to the point where it feels like theyre trying to make me feel bad and I actually feel uncomfortable. I'd rather just no one commented. If you're so pissed off I take 5 minutes to do my hair but you simply couldn't maybe you need to organise yourself better. Ugh.

@Butterflyfern pretty much the premise of Motherland also.

I can't stand anyone referring to someone as a legend but to refer to oneself as one is just awful.
It reminds me of that Catherine Tate sketch with the couple who share tales of the mindless things they've done that day and say 'What are we like?' -Didn't explain that well at all!

I think there can be a big slug of this reasoning too.

But it’s interesting, as there are clearly several underlying reasons for a similar presentation.

Read the (not particularly good) book 'someone like her'
It totally summarizes this - a woman becomes a mum influencer and purposefully makes her home messy when she's being interviewed or for her videos to be relatable

I think sometimes peoples are trying so hard to do everything perfectly that they feel that they are failing and everyone can see so they kind of want to get a pre-emptive apology in. Also for some people anxiety and just expressing it either intentionally or as part of the anxiety itself.

Chat about Chaos

After a recent event with in-laws invited, I can't stop watching this.
It was to celebrate someone else but it became all about the in-laws.
Behind the scenes, FIL can't face his own mortality and SIL has serious cancer and won't make old bones, so a lot going on but nothing, nothing is ever talked about.
They did cause absolute chaos at this event through a complete lack of honesty about what could be achieved plus, no risk assessment.
So nothing got celebrated and everyone hid behind the chaos.
It was horrific and I will always use this as an example of how they can be and not in a good 'ditzy' way, in a horrific bad things happened way.

I have an acquaintance like this. It drives me mad. The faux ditziness.
She has 4 children and a term time job.
She uses it as an excuse to let people down, not pay money owed etc.
I keep her at arms length these days.

I know what you mean. I am quite a disorganised person and I need a fair bit of notice if anyone is coming to visit, but I've got friends who will say "come in" with no notice and then over apologise for the "mess" which might be 1 coffee cup on the table or a magazine on the sofa 😂

@FontainesDH I think the "cute" thing is spot on.

Back when I was a teen, maybe about 15 years ago, it was cool to be "random".

"Oh I'm such a random person. I say such random things."

See also - "I have such eclectic music tastes - you wouldn't believe how many kinds of music are on my iPod".

I really think the current chaotic trend is just more of the same. It's just being different and quirky.

It's the same as main character in the novel who is always clumsy.

It's a "cute" flaw.

The preemptive apology or justification definitely rings true but some people just invent a chaotic persona and lifestyle to match in the hope that they are thought of as quirky.

I see it here all the time!
Wear makeup? Be interested in your kids once they are 18? "Oh no I don't have time for that. I'm low maintenance. I even talk without using words. I love living my best london life through living off oxygen and eating my shoes"

@Yazzi its not a compliment when people say ‘so much more than me’, it’s just them comparing themselves. You can say I take offence, but I just get tired of it. It’s feel passive aggressive. I don’t comment on other people being ‘disorganised’ or not a good cook. I’d be grateful I was being fed, or spending time with a friend.
Surely you could spin this around and say everyone on here complaining about the pretend chaotic people are determined to take offence too.

It's like being back at school with people insisting they never ever study, hadn't a clue in the exams, yet came out with top grades!

Yes, yes, and, 'Oh I'm a bit extra, a bit crazy, bit random. I'm not like other women'

It's a whole 'thing'!

Ah I just love that @Flumoxed: “ I need a fair bit of notice if anyone is coming to visit.” 😂

It’s brilliant! I can’t quite distill the funniness, but it’s got something to do with the way you’ve used the word “ fair.” Maybe it’s because you have kind of managed to imply several weeks!

I dunno: it’s just cracked me up.

Yes, I know that type. A lot of her friends were roped in to help her with her house and small business, as she was so 'unable to cope'. It turned out that she was perfectly able to do what she wanted to do. A lot of us are no longer friends with her. Mind you, she's in to MLM now, so it's just as well!

I think I’m a bit like this. I don’t “pretend” to be chaotic, but I know from experience that without carefully planning every detail of my life (scheduling day to day life like I’m a secretary of a huge corporation), it will descend into chaos because I’m not naturally an organised person. So it feels chaotic because my calendar is so full and I feel like I’m running here, there and everywhere, but in reality I’m probably doing no more than most people. If anything, I’m procrastinating and adding more pressure by scheduling everything so carefully.

I would be kind and view this attitude not as a projection for others, but a reflection of how they feel inside.

Life can feel like a treadmill when you have small kids, the same mundane things need doing over again almost immediately and there’s always a ball in the air you are scared of dropping.

Maybe OP you appear to have it all together, and that’s why some people make self-deprecating comments about how they struggle to match your organisation?

I am this way, but I absolutely don't want it to be how people see me (my sisters tease me and though I annoy them at times, we all get on so it's fine).
I hate that I forget things, or leave things to the last minute so am hugely stressed. I am learning to accept that this is the way I work - everything does get done, but I don't think it's a good trait or want to be known for it.