To think some people try really hard to appear 'chaotic' ?

[AmandaPleaseDotCom]

Sounds nuts but I swear this is a thing around my area.

Examples include making a big deal about how late/disheveled their kid is at pre school (when they are 4 mins past start time and the kid looks fine).

Saying how they never clean their house, don't have time for housework etc but the house always seems clean and tidy.

Trying to appear disorganised with things like school tours (all our kids will start school next year) and booking events, yet we always see them at these things lol.

I'm naturally quite disorganised and messy but I try quite hard to disguise this, despite always feeling like the flustered flappy mum. Luckily my DH is Mr Organised so as a family we don't miss out but I just find it so odd how many people seem to almost 'gloat' that their lives are chaotic when they totally aren't?! Am I mad?!

But it's not a crime to be organised or have it all together and these constant comparisons just feel passive aggressive.

I get exactly the same and when people compliment me it just comes across as if they are accusing me of being decadent because I managed to carve out 10 mins to do my hair and they could just never because blah blah blah.

It just comes across as them wanting to make sure we know we're being indulgent because your life being so chaotic you can't even brush your hair is apparently normal.

@Iminpatchinghell

You can say I take offence, but I just get tired of it. It’s feel passive aggressive. I don’t comment on other people being ‘disorganised’ or not a good cook.

But calling someone disorganised or not a good cook is a criticism.

You can't possibly compare that with calling someone organised or a good cook!

Im probably one of these people. I always get it done because it’s important to my children and my family, but it takes a lot from me so I always feel flustered and life feels chaotic… despite me always getting it done.

So the kid arriving 4 minutes late and fine, she was probably aiming to get there in time and was rushing so it felt chaotic. The house is probably clean and tidy but not to her standards so feels inadequate. She always turns up at the event but books late and probably feels that everyone booked on sooner which acted as a reminder.

I don’t overplay it, I just feel it and so verbalise it. I’m ADHD and work hard to be organised, but it’s still a disorganised kind of organised.

Surely in it's pure form it's a type of stealth boasting? Like thin people saying they've put on 2lbs.

When the house is spotless and it's "ohh excuse the mess" they're drawing attention to their lovely home and high standards.

I find the worst offenders are some with 3 or 4 kids who always go on about how the youngest is soooo neglected cos they didn't have the right sports kit once or something. What they're actually saying is "I'm much busier than you loosers with 2 kids"

But can't you just choose to not read those things into it, and accept and that clearly people admire your abilities? It just seems so draining and negative to be determined to interpret people's words in the worst possible way for them and for you.

Competitively busy or desire to try and get sympathy or actually disorganise people who are anxious.

I struggle with organisation and try hard to disguise that - recent course transport there was a nightmare first day bus connection carefully researched didn't work so got there a minute later rather than 20 minuets early - went into room and started to apologise and over explain to who I assumed was the tutor - they weren't which was embarrassing tutor waltzed in with no explication 15 minutes late and spent another 20 minuets getting sorted before starting paper work with us.

If I'd been less anxious about whole thing I'd probably would have asked more question before launching into explanation of why I was late that no one needed but was so worried I'd held everyone else up.

Isn’t this just a universal British thing? We always like to downplay our abilities for fear of being seen as snobby. I think it’s just trying to be down to earth and ‘real.’ Plus I am pretty shit at remembering things, doesn’t mean I won’t be there just I might have forgotten about it until an hour before!

I agree OP! It’s the ‘I’m mad, me…!!’ They like to appear the kooky, zany, crazy person. God knows why 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just ignore it all.

I identify strongly with this!

I'm not a parent but it's definitely a thing OP, reminds me of the 'we're a bit crazy in our house' camp.

We're a big family (I'm the eldest of 6, so although childless we have nieces / nephews extended family etc coming out of our ears). First time one of my sisters met her future MIL at MIL house, she was very much "oooh watch out this is a madhouse but you'll have to get used to it" giving it the big matriarch vibe. Sister was inwardly eye rolling so hard as slightly dysfunctional chaos (sometimes v funny sometimes really not) is basically our lives.

I'm the 'sensible one' in my family btw

I've read a lot of threads on here where naturally tidy, punctual and organised people get quite a lot of criticism and negativity thrown at them, so I wonder whether it's an attempt at making themselves feel more accepted.

I remember reading a thread a couple of years ago about how to keep your house tidy - and anyone who said they do a bit everyday and have a routine where they do X on Tuesday and Y on Thursday was told they were boring or smug, or had no life because they spent five minutes running the hoover round every morning before work.

Being organised and tidy is often seen as something for boring people and it's not uncommon for them to be told they must not have anything better to do if they enjoy keeping a tidy home.

So I think it's a way of them trying to give off what they feel is the right impression.

She will write something like....

Who knew it was WBD tomorrow? I really need to start reading emails!!
Thankfully, I had this.... (adds photo) #Legend

or

This legend is off to London tonight. Wish London luck people!! Here's hoping I dont miss the train, fall over, lose my shoes... eeekkk

@whathaveiforgotten
I’ve never called someone disorganised or a bad cook. Especially if they have more pressures in life than I do, such as more children, single parent, or unhelpful partner. I wouldn’t comment on how other people live their lives. All I expect is for them not to comment on mine.
Theres also a difference in saying ‘wow! Your cake looks amazing!’ That’s lovely, thank you for that compliment. Not ‘Your cake looks amazing, I could never do something like that’. It’s not a compliment, it’s making it about them and how they’re not ‘as good’ as me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and how can I reply without adding in some reassurance. It’s them seeking a compliment from me in return. I’d have to say ‘thank you, I’m sure you’d be amazing at making a cake too’. Don’t give a compliment and expect one in return.

Yes and with the hash tag #hot mess

Is this a continuation of the (usually posh) kids who claimed never to put any effort homework or revision but still got amazing marks. Most of them were working like mad behind the scenes but wanted it to appear effortless.

I tink there might be an element of Britishness in this though, and the break-your-ankle-rush to downplay any kind of advantage/whatever. Tbh I don't really notice this in other people, and if someone is doing a faux chaos thing, then I probably wouldn't even identify it as such.

I probably do something not dissimilar if someone says something nice, but completely unconsciously. I'm a decent cook, but if someone says, 'this is a really nice pasta sauce,' I'd probably steam in with 'Oh God, it's literally so basic. I mean my 5 year old could probably make it etc etc.' But it IS nice and I HAVE made a bit of effort. God know why, it's ridiculous, but just some ingrained thing.

I'm not 'humble bragging' or any rubbish like that - I'm just trying to deflect a compliment for some unknown reason. I need to have a word with myself

In my area, I always hear "We don't own an iron" (and it 9/10 will mean "We haven't got time for that/ar fear too free spirited to care" rather than "Someone else does it for us") yet you then see their kids and husbands in crisp, pressed shirts and trousers so they forget to mention they do however use a dry cleaner's ironing service.

Same for "We don't clean here" but they clearly have a cleaner twice a week. 🙄

Are far too** free spirited

This.

I've distanced myself from a few; imo it's as dishonest as someone telling an outright lie to change how others perceive them.

Yes I think taking a compliment with dignity is a skill.

The busy busy busy personality type drives me mad. İt's almost like they're trying to be better than, by keep telling you how much busier they are in comparison to you. Um not, I'm busy too I just don't brag about it, and make time to fit in those I appreciate.

I'd like a copy of that list please!! 😂

Oh yes, the ones at school who claimed not to have done any revision or to have spent 10 minutes on their homework that morning! When I said the same I really meant it, I had not opened a book, bothered to read the inadequate notes I had made as I was a mixture of laziness and low self esteem. Always managed to pass the exams that mattered for some reason , my one skill was speed reading combined with quick comprehension and a good memory. , I

Becoming a parent made me far more organised, I realised that it made life run at least a little bit more smoothly. I am by nature rather idle but once I had a small person who depended on me for everything I had to get my act together and then when I became a single parent and was responsible for every single thing being organised not only helped us both survive, it helped me mentally as I felt I had some measure of control. I am still lazy and could happily sit and stare into space for hours on end if I had the time!

I’m naturally pretty chaotic. I have had to learn not to be because I’m a working single parent in a highly competitive industry where not being organised can get you into deep shit. So I am now reasonably together but it’s something I have had to really work at. It doesn’t come naturally.

Theres nothing affected about this on my part. I genuinely get panicked at the thought of being late / messy / not having everything ready. I might preemptively apologise for mess or organisation because I want not to be judged.

I don’t think people who do this think it’s “cute” or fashionable or whatever I think they are doing it out of insecurity. My family was pretty disorganised so I didn’t learn these skills at home and I still find organising things daunting and a bit frightening for want of a better word.

I have to say I also think anyone who boasts about being organised is a bit of a smug twat. It’s good if you can get your act together to make sure your child never misses out on school events through your own disorganisation etc but showing off to people isn’t going to win you any friends. It’s a) attention seeking and b) not that interesting.