For us all to miss family wedding

[apothecarist]

One of DH's siblings is getting married overseas next summer. The wedding is where the sibling's partner grew up and still has family, so understandable why they chose it.

It is quite fiddly to get to and from, however - looks like we'd arrive at the venue after midnight, having got up in the very early hours, and the wedding would then be that day. Wouldn't be the end of the world for just the two of us, but we have a toddler, and have just found out I'm pregnant and due a few weeks before the wedding.

DH decided told his sibling (apologetically) that it unfortunately wouldn't work with toddler and so we wouldn't be coming. Sibling seemed to take it ok at the time but hasn't spoken to us since. DH's parents on the other hand have said we're letting his sibling down by not making it work with toddler, who should definitely come.

We weren't planning on telling anyone about the pregnancy for a little while. I had complications last time and the scrutiny got a bit intense. But in the circumstances would it be better to come clean? And presumably if we do that they would accept us all staying at home and leave it there?

i would not plan a trip away after my wife gave birth because it might not all go smoothly. If we are talking over a month for a c section maybe, but baby and mummy would likely want to be left behind. Most unfortunate but things happen

I got married in a remote part of France, the guest list was very small because I knew it was such an ask for people to attend. I kept it as only my nearest & dearest but that said, I made it abundantly clear that I was inviting them because I loved them but I understood completely if they didn’t want to make the journey.
Having said that I would suggest your husband goes alone for the quick trip, hopefully you could get one of your family members to help out for a day or two while he’s gone.

How fake. Yes I respect my guests might not be able to come…. But why not send dh anyway there’s a good lass. It doesn’t matter if they have just had a newborn, have a toddler and wife can’t move - just keep bridezilla happy 🥴

lol! Happy Monday to you too 😂

Quite! The comments on here are fucking ridiculous.

And leave dp home alone w a 2 week old infant and a toddler? Hell no

And if the dp has a C-section or mom/baby has complications? I could not get out of bed or off the couch without help two weeks out. I certainly would not have been good w do out of the country and being home to take care of myself, infant, and toddler solo.

Who will have had a c section!!!

And 1) already know the birth will not be straight forward (c section) and 2) do would be gone a week.

Tricky? Lots of people won't be going. That's sad for the B&G, but not your fault. You've potentially got a really tricky pregnancy ahead of you. No need to complicate it further by telling them your news too early. As you've said elsewhere your news will not be kept private, and you will become part of an inevitable pantomime far earlier than you'd like. You are the most important thing here: Tell nobody. The flack you're getting is because others aren't going too. Telling the family won't change this.

I wouldn’t want my husband leaving me after I’d just given birth and he wouldn’t leave me, even for a siblings wedding.

Read my first sentence and the bottom bit, if she can't make it then that's absolutely fine, giving birth can be a very traumatic highly emotional experience first few weeks, but if she's 'able' to and has had time to recover emotionally and physically then why not! Her husband and the son can go no issues there. Say you don't take your tissue out are you' going to ask for a refund! I'm curious to know what's special for you? The flavour of the cake the colour theme?

The husband could go. But he doesn’t want to. On account that he doesn’t want to leave his postpartum wife and newborn baby.

And a few weeks isn’t enough time to recover physically from a c section, such that one could travel internationally.

There’s no ‘can be’ about it in terms of physical trauma. A C-section is always physically traumatic, that’s a medical fact. And while recovery times vary a bit, there’s kind of a base level which means OP won’t be up to what’s being proposed.

There’s 4 people on OP’s side of things. Her, her DH, their toddler and their unborn baby. Literally none of them want to go or would benefit, and there’s plenty of evidence at least 2 of them would suffer detriment. Plus the adults have already decided, it’s just about the explanation now.

😮‍💨

I cannot state clearly enough how much I hate these competitive misery posts that have never ever helped a single woman.
having a baby is not a disability, but it takes recovery. It can kill women and used to kill a lot more. It’s not a joke. Having open abdominal surgery is not a joke, you can’t get a baby out via keyhole. It takes recovery. Lifting a toddler is the opposite of recovery. There are many other possible complications and even without complications it’s hard. What is wrong with you that you give one single shiny shit that people have done harder things. When did you last climb Everest and why don’t you go do it? People have done harder things. What about an ultramarathon? People have done harder things. Do you say to your friend who quits her job because it’s toxic and she’s being bullied that she’s pathetic and people have done harder things? Do you say to your friend who’s just had her terminal diagnosis that she should just push through it and get better, people have recovered from worse?

So @apothecarist did you tell them? How did it go? All sorted?

Well said @Codlingmoths