Friend throwing tantrum over the fact I can’t attend her get together

[GladAmberEagle]

For context, I am a nurse and typically work back to back 13 hour shifts. I am a single mum.

My friend, is married with children and does not work, and never has - totally respect that, and the only reason I mention that is because I believe it’s a contributing reason to this situation.

All of the people in our friendship group work. My friend is regularly trying to plan get together at her house, every other week, without the consideration that the rest of us work complete long hours. My friend asked over a month ago if we could all have a get together at hers. I told her I would let her know as my shifts hadn’t been released then, as we have a new manager so they are being completed quite late in advance.

Yesterday in the group chat we all received a message saying ‘you all fucking better be coming’, and her basically having a meltdown as some people had already cancelled. She then sent me directly a message in that group chat saying ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’. I was doing a 13 hour shift as a nurse and obviously don’t have my phone on me. While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW’.

At the end of my shift I messaged to say how sorry I am, but I couldn’t go as I’m in work both Saturday and Sunday and only recently found out.

I was then bombarded by multiple abusive messages. None of which I have opened because I really cannot be bothered for the drama.

my friend seems to have no capacity that people have busy lives, and 9 times out of 10 I always make sure I go to her get togethers - even when I’ve done 4 13 hour shifts in a row and I just want a day to be a mum.

AIBU?

She wouldn’t need to desperately plead for meet ups if she had social and intellectual stimulation of a job. This is not your problem to fix. Shocking level of disrespect op.

It doesn't matter if you were inconsiderate, which you were not, she shouldn't talk to anyone like that never mind someone she considers to be a friend.

She sounds like a spoilt brat and actually the night sounds like it's going to be absolutely awful now.

Personally I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who spoke to me like that.

same people who would be livid if their GP/ Dentist/ nail technician/ cleaner/ teacher (I could go on all night) were on their phone during an appointment

I CAN actually check my phone. For nonsense, I chose not to!

More mug you for even apologising to her and explaining why. That's why she doesn't respect you.

I would have replied directly to the group saying don't speak to me like that and I would tell her that you are working not like her!

She's no friend, get rid.

This.

Is this the first time she has spoken to you like that?

Because if it were me it would be the first and the last time. I'd give her 24 hours to see if she had been drunk and had sobered up, and check in. If nothing but abuse, or if she thinks this is a normal way to speak to friends, she would be blocked.

Posts like this always make me think of the many, many threads on mumsnet from kind, intelligent, gentle-sounding women who are mourning having somehow been unsuccessful in building female friendships.

I honestly don't understand how people like this have any friends at all.

How old is she, OP? She sounds like a teenager? If a friend showed me that much disrespect they would no longer be my friend. End the friendship and find a more suitable one.

She sounds like a lazy workshy narcissist

Two words to her
GET STUFFED
and block her number

I hate get togethers at someone’s house. I only ever go out and occasionally out out.

Tell your friend to get a job! She sounds like a bore.

I would say fuck off don’t contact me again. Some people get away with taking to people like crap and it’s just like aaaahhh that’s what they are like…. No call them out on it I’ve got a friend who just tells bullshit lies all the time I I used to just let it go over my head. Now I just call her out on it cos some of it is just sooo ridiculous 🤣🤣🤪

OMG OP, none of my friends would talk to me like this in a million years!! How dare she?! I can’t believe you are not totally fuming at this prima donna!! She sounds vile. Plus totally out of touch, you are a nurse and work v long shifts, why would you prioritise a night at this person’s house after a tiring day, when she speaks to you like that!!

She sounds nuts. Say when you are ready to be civil you can contact me. Not before.

Why do you want to continue a friendship with someone that obviously has no respect for you?

The only reason she still behaves like a toddler with emotional regulation issues is because you let her get away with it. You are all enabling her. Stop it. Tell her to grow up.

Who speaks to their friends like that??? She sounds horrible

She sounds like a spoilt little shit. It's one thing to be disappointed someone can't come to an event but she's acting like a spoilt 13 year old who's stamping her feet. She's rude and abusive. Bin her off.

Wow is she 12, in all my years I've never been spoken to like that, I hope you make her an ex friend. Nobody needs a friend like that especially when you're doing such a stressful job. If you do keep in touch next time she kicks off, tell her to get a job and do something useful with her time.

If you've been friends for a really long time, you might want to let a bit of time pass and then see if she is open to a frank conversation where you are able to communicate that you expect a non-negotiable level of respect from her for your relationship to be able to continue. If she isn't, then sadly she is a bona fida abusive type person, and the choice is yours whether to tolerate the friendship for old time's sake, but inevitably you will come around to the same situation again in that case.

Anyone messaging me " REPLY NOW " would never hear from me again.

Wow. Well i’d be blocking her, and wouldn’t be attending anything she hosted ever again. What a nasty piece of work

Wow! She sounds fab.

Can i go in your place?

🙄

Toxic, nasty bitch. You are working your arse off and she is sending you messages like that. Please block her

Well she is not a friend so I really don't see the issue just move on from her