Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

[CleverAzureDreamer]

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

This is hilarious.

Getting her hair done is probably an excuse

Presumably OP lives in a dangerous neighbourhood

Really?!

You enjoyed it.

Your mum clearly did not!

It’s only Halloween and unless you’re an actual Witch, it’s just another night.

This isn't true on my street. It's sort of become a community event; we stand around with drinks chatting with neighbours, even giving cups of beer and wine to parents passing with their little ones; the teens prank about. People play "Thriller" and the like from their bluetooth speakers. It's a fun hour or two at a dreary time of year.

But you said the friend wasn’t invited until you knew your mum wasn’t coming…

I hope an "eccentric adult" doesn't come trick or treating round my way without any kids in tow, they'd get a pumpkin where the sun don't shine.

The kids enjoy spending time with her. Last year we made cupcakes with her before treat or treating (which she suggested). It’s not as though she’s a cold Nan. I just thought it’s nice to spend time together with family and friends but clearly I’m in the minority.

You really are being v unreasonable.

I think you have been lucky that your Mum has gone out trick or treating with you in the past as it really is a chore. Your Mum has done her bit with this and you need to let it go!

It would be nice, but it isn't mandatory for her to be there. She has her own life and can choose what she does with her time.

It is nice to spend time together OP, but voluntarily. Not as an obligation. This year your mum has a prior arrangement. Leave her to it and let it go.

I imagine she booked it for that night on purpose as Halloween is boring for her, I would have done the same. Maybe she feels she can't say no when invited

Really, why?

I literally had no idea Halloween was next Thursday. It isn’t on my radar at all. It used to be, when the kids were young and they were the ones pushing to dress up and go out trick or treating. Then we used to carve a pumpkin and get sweets in for other kids who came to the door, but I breathed a sigh of relief when the youngest decided he didn’t want to do it any more! When I was in the thick of it, it was unusual to see g’parents accompanying the kids. Was more usually 1 parent, not a family affair.
Your Mum probably just forgot. It’s only a big deal to children. There’s a whole generation of g’parents (and even parents) to whom it means next to nothing, I’m afraid.

But this year she wants to get her hair done, no big deal. You don't need to take it personally.

I don't expect my mum to come over on Halloween. I take the kids out trick or treating with friends and that's it. Wouldn't enter my head to be honest to even ask her.

YABU
As a gran myself I understand kids enjoy trick or treating but I can’t think of anything worse for myself than trudging around in the cold and dark. I think Nan is sensible to go and get her hair done instead!

You are English that's why (5th November and burning the catholic Guy Fawkes effigy has always been a much bigger deal there).

Halloween is an Irish/Scottish cultural event, nothing to do with yanks.

Not even the newer interjection 'trick or treat' (superimposed on guising) is from the US as it's from Canada, and its Canada who got guising from the Scots.

This is a weird comment. Christmas is far more for the whole family, not just children, than Halloween. Easter is quite adult focussed anyway. Halloween is mostly celebrated by just children in the U.K.

Perhaps she'd rather have her hair done.

Ahhh so you needed her for childcare for the 12yo

12yo is too old for going round doors, IMO

I get it op and don't know why you're getting a hard time from some.

Obviously, she has hurt your feelings by rejecting an invitation to spend an evening with you and the grandchildren, especially as you did it last year and so it's a little bit of a tradition.

I would drop everything if I received an invite to do anything with my grown up children or grandchildren - I'd accept an invitation to put the bins out!

So I do get it and can only assume that she didn't expect to be invited and genuinely made other plans, that she made the appointment without realising the significance of the date or she didn't actually enjoy it last year.

I guess you know which one is the most likely but if you've got a good relationship then why not ask her about it rather than feeling upset. I would definitely want to know if I'd accidentally upset anyone in my family!

It’s lovely spending time with family. But not every event is for every person. She’s opting out and it’s fine for her to do so.

One where only an older woman can stand between two 12 year olds and disaster.

Unless she's SuperGran, of course.

Can I add to the list teenagers who see it as an excuse to dress up in sexy outfits and snog each other? I can attest to this having hosted a full on teen Halloween party last year. Frightening in every sense of the word Dh never quite been the same since.