Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

[CleverAzureDreamer]

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

Oh I'd love to do this. I can't wait to be able to have family fun with grandkids 🎃🎃🎃

Jesus, on another thread most said 3 is 'far too young' to trick or treat

Oh well, I'll be taking my 3.5 year old 🤷‍♀️🤣

Gosh just seen that you are considered 'wildly unreasonable' by some.

For making Halloween into an occasion and wanting to include your mum, then posting anonymously about feeling sad that she can't come.

I don't know what comes after 'wildly unreasonable' or what behaviour might be labelled such. Maybe forgetting your carrier bags at the supermarket or sending your children to school without their PE kit.

I’m close to my mum but never invited her to go trick or treating. Lots of adults with the kids is a bit weird. But if it’s your family tradition then I understand you being a bit disappointed but it’s hardly relationship changing.

I dare you to make the difference between an 11 year old in Y6 Primary and a 12 year old in Y7 Secondary.

If you are intimidated by school kids, don't put a pumpkin at your door inviting them to knock! It's not hard.

It’s not a bloody festival.

Leave the 12 year old and friend home to open the door and take the little ones out. Then have pizza, cupcakes and a scare movie together.

No, don't leave 2 kids alone - one of them is not even yours - alone on Halloween evening, what a ridiculous idea.

They can, if they want to. She clearly no longer wants to. Perhaps she’s done it previously when your kids were younger to help you out wrangling the kids but with the youngest being 8 and the having a mate over, there’s probably no need.

It doesn’t mean she has to do the same every year till it suits you. It was fun for sure other years but let the woman get her hair done 😂 It is actually quite selfish from your side to expect her do whatever you want on such a normal day. Not everyone enjoys it as you do. Some people don’t care, and that’s okay!

@lemonmeringueno3

If you're referring to me, I said

. I still think OP is being wildly unreasonable expecting her mother to care about it in the same way though! I

So i qualified what I felt she was being unreasonable for - for expecting her mother to care about it in the same way that she does.

Not for posting about it, but for having that expectation imposed on another.

Jesus, on another thread most said 3 is 'far too young' to trick or treat

to be fair, on their own it kind of is 😂

I do love the idea of a bunch of 3 years old roaming around the neighbourhood trick or treating without adult. Priceless.

Poor OP! I think a lot of these responses are really killjoy! I love Halloween, a love I inherited from my own mother. I'm taking the boys to my parents for Halloween tea followed by trick or treating.

Did your mum accept an invite and renege on it? Or just have other plans? If the latter, I don't think you can be too upset, maybe just invite her earlier next year. Certainly there's no shame in enjoying something silly and frivolous and exciting every now and then though! For me Halloween is a bit like Christmas, in that part of the enjoyment is watching how excited your children get, and spending time with then doing something novel x

It's Halloween...... it really a major festival or celebration?

Is this a symptom of a wider issue with your relationship, or is something else going on?

You sound quite upset over a fairly non thing, which often means the real problem is elsewhere

For all the English ignoramuses who know nothing about Halloween.

https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/ten-trick-or-treating-facts-for-impressive-bonfire-chats-1.1983165

Scotland and Ireland started tricking

"A few decades later a practice called 'guising' was in full swing in Scotland and Ireland. Short for 'disguising', children would go out from door to door dressed in costume and rather than pledging to pray, they would tell a joke, sing a song or perform another sort of "trick" in exchange for food or money.

The expression trick or treat has only been used at front doors for the last 10 to 15 years. Before that "Help the Halloween Party" seems to have been the most popular phrase to holler."

__

Yes Halloween is not English, it's an Irish/Scottish cultural event and a million times more exciting for kids than that boring November 5th "penny for the guy" (burning the effigy of the catholic Guy Fawkes) English cultural event that is now dying out as its crap!!!!!

English kids wanting to do what Irish kids (me in the 80s, and my parents and their parents etc. before me) and Scottish kids have been doing for well over a century is not their fault that Halloween is bloody better than that Guy Fawkes tedium.

YABU to your poor mum, Halloween is hardly a real holiday is it!

Maybe a shame she doesn't want to do anything at all such as come over for a film after the trick or treating.

But why selfish?

Because now you need to watch all of your kids?

Do the expectations never end for women? I’m a grandma and see my DGC lots and they sleep over and we just took the oldest one away for a few days so we go out of our way to do things with them but your poor mum can’t say no for once without you being all critical. We live in Scotland, big trick or treat history but trailing round the streets with my DGC in the cold and dark no thanks, I did my time when my kids were young ( same goes for organised firework displays).

Your children are older and less fun to do trick or treat with and your Mum is older and finds the activity tedious rather than charming. No-one's fault op but it's unreasonable to expect things to stay the same.

I don't fully understand what you mean

In our town you only get a visit from trick or treaters if you put a pumpkin outside or decorate your house, signalling that you want to be involved.

I feel a bit sorry for anyone who thinks it's begging, or who doesn't understand the historical roots, or who would rather die than take part when actually they don't know anything about it because they've never taken part before because no one has ever asked them.

No, I'm not. I don't even have any kids. But we all like a bit of spooky fun!

I'm a grandparent and there's no way I would want to be an extra in your family extravaganza, the thought of dressing up and sitting watching a presumably scary movie makes my blood run cold. Why on earth do you think you can dictate how she spends her time?

Exactly - 100 per cent - now we know the real reason 🙄

I’d better let my 16yo and her friends know that purple bean says they’re not allowed. They’ve all made their costumes with a pirates of the Caribbean theme. It’s a shame they won’t be welcome by people like you

Experience of previous years is probably why she's finaLly found her big girl pants and said No!