Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

[CleverAzureDreamer]

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

She likes spending time with her grandkids. This Halloween, she’s making a different choice. It’s not as though she’s declared she’s never seeing them again. You’re just cross because you were counting on another pair of hands.

I think that it is totally understandable that you feel disappointed that your Mum is not coming to join you at Halloween when you have enjoyed spending it together in the past. I don't think that it's so unusual to spend time with the family then. My Mum creates a Halloween tea party for grandchildren (and her big kids every year and then we do go back to our local neighbourhoods to go trick or treating.

I am sure that you will still have fun, even if it is not quite what you were hoping for.

It’s Halloween not Christmas or a birthday. Since when is it become obligatory for grandparents to be dragged in on it? 🤔Loads of people don’t “celebrate” it anyway. It’s just a money making tat fest. And 12 year olds are too old for trick or treating anyway.

Following two 12yo who wanted to be on their own was not really going to be lots of fun, let’s be honest.

I was going to say this. She may have been in previous years but if she's choosing to have her hair done instead then what does that tell you? Surely you wouldn't want her to come if she'd prefer to do something else?
Lots of other opportunities for family get togethers.

You want your mother, a grandmother, to dress up and go trick or treating? I’ve only ever seen a few adults do it and thought it was inappropriate/odd, so if it’s me I’d be having my hair, face and nails done to really make sure I couldn’t be present (actually, I wouldn’t, I’d just say no)😁.

"Enjoy" being the operative word here. She'd rather get her hair done. Christmas and Easter are family time, because they are designed to be proper festivals. Unless you live in Mexico, Halloween isn't a festival. It's a marketing ploy.

⬆️🤣👍

Really?? You think your mum is SELFISH for missing Halloween? Have a word with yourself!!

Have you read the thread at all?

I'm far from ignorant about other parts of the UK and Ireland. I lived in NI for 3 years. Halloween was huge and a lot of fun. It was also still nothing that I had ever seen or been part of in England and continues to be alien to me that it is considered an English tradition now.

Your argument only supports mine. That the way Halloween is celebrated generally in England these days is an American import taken from TV and nothing to do with guising or other Celtic traditions.

It's still never going to be something I feel anything other than awkward and fake doing in England. And am delighted that this year I've managed to arrange it so that the entire evening we will be on a long drive and I don't have to go out and supervise DC knocking on doors. Last year was the first year I had to. Hopefully the last but I suspect not.

How are 12 year olds too old for trick or treating! Halloween is perfect for teens. We complain about them being locked indoors on screens and then tell them 12 is too old to put on some fancy dress and actually get out in the fresh air with their mates and have a bit of respectful fun?

we get lots of teens at my door, always dressed up, always perfectly pleasant. I think it’s much more appropriate for them to be out in the cold and dark than a cold and wet three year who has no clue why they are dressed as a werewolf.

Halloween is Americanised bs. I wouldn’t be bothered.

Every year someone bobs up with this complete fallacy.

My children always went to a school Halloween party so we missed the need to go trick or treating. I was not sorry to have avoided that argument. We turn the lights off at the front now to deter people and I'm afraid I don't answer the door. Twelve year old boys are far too old to be knocking on people's doors. My mums 85 and a widow. She hates it.
My DIL is American. She was brought up in LA. I asked her about t or t. She was astonished that here people just knock on random doors and eat things from complete strangers.In her neighbourhood some parents walked with the children and others were nominated to stay in and give out the sweets. She said that you would never have knocked on a random door and you would never have eaten sweets from someone you didn't know. Far too many gun owners and far too many weirdos.

What has trick or treating in LA got to do with anything? And no one knocks on a ‘random door’ in the UK either — people go to houses with pumpkins or decorations to show that callers are welcome. Other people show they don’t want to be called on by not decorating and turning off external lights.

Why is everyone assuming OP is English/in England? I don't think she's said, has she? The fact that Halloween has a big tradition in her family surely makes it more likely she's Scottish/Irish/Northern Irish.

Thank you. You are a beautiful soul. Maybe it's time for a decaf coffee. You might feel calmer xx

If you want to go trickle treating (NOT a misprint!) go for it! Your DM has probably lived through at least 40 of the fuckers and she's bored rigid with them! Leave the poor woman alone!

Oh, I’m sorry. I clearly didn’t try the memo that I’m not allowed an opinion.

The "I can't be bothered" bit is an opinion you are more than welcome to. The "Halloween is Americanised BS" bit is stating a fact, and in this case it's factually incorrect so it's not surprising that it's picked up on.

She has booked this appointment on purpose. It’s her way of saying she doesn’t want to do it any more. Let her off the hook- she’s a GM now, not the DM.

I'm (mostly) English and I completely agree with you. I find it quite insulting when people claim it's an American import or a 'nothing'. It's a very old Celtic festival and means a lot to a great many people. To some it's a cultural tradition, to others it's a religious festival marking the new year and a time to remember our ancestors and lost loved ones. Yes, it has become quite commercialised, but the same can be said for Christmas and Easter (yet when I mention we don't do Santa people are appalled!) We will be having a family meal, with a plate for the departed, followed by a new year candle ritual and yes my kids will probably go out guising to confuse the fairies and collect some sweets, because it's fun.

That sounds amazing! I've been looking for ideas for our Samhain feast 😋

@WearyAuldWumman ; Thank you very much for the poem, as I am English I find that reading the Scots dialect a bit slow, but I do like it and have liked the Selkirk Grace especially. I have been to the Burns Museum and his home.

To others my objection is to the commercialisation which has divorced current tawdry plastic tat away from a valid tradition.

12 year olds probably aren't too old for trick or treating, but OP invited her mother over not for "family time" but to dress up and "supervise" her 12 year grandson
plus friend as they roamed the streets trick or treating, with granny in tow, while OP stayed with the younger ones.
Granny definitely got the short straw shadowing two12 year olds in the dark and cold, who'd probably resent having gran with them on the streets.