Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

[CleverAzureDreamer]

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

Sounds like she doesn't want to do it again this time, which is fine isn't it? Getting Granny around for Halloween isn't really a thing...

You don't need to understand why they don't.

You just need to understand that they dont and respect a no if one is given.

I love Christmas and stuff but understand that there are those who don't and I respect that.

Adults can.

No one is saying YOU shouldn't enjoy it. If you want to plan things with your own friends, around or after the kids, go for it. Adult halloween parties and events are very popular for a reason.

What is ridiculous is expecting the mother of a grown-up parent to be forced to join in.

Mate she just wants her hair cut! Have halloween with you'd family, that should be enough for you.

Why selfish rather than disappointing? What did you want from her?

They can if they want to. Your mum doesn’t want to.

I can’t think of many adults who would want to go trick or treating with a load of kids.

🎃 is completely irrelevant.

We watch films and do a pumpkin but I've never ever taken dc trick or treating. Hellish. Certainly wouldn't make my mum come

Had she previously promised to come? If the kids knew to expect her and are now disappointed then YANBU. Regardless of the event, if she’d said she’d be there celebrating with her grandkids and has now decided to have her hair done instead I’d be pretty put out. If you’d just assumed she was coming because she always has then you really should have talked to her about it. Is it possible she’s always felt obliged to come and was looking for an excuse to get out of it? Or did she maybe enjoy it to start with but feel she’s had enough now?

Ooh. My phone changed it to that.

Yeah the 12 year old at least should stop it's embarrassing

What worries me is that you said you’ve let older DC bring a friend so it’s not so empty.

Do you struggle to be with DC alone? Do you lean on your mum too much. I’m probably reading into this too much but I don’t know anyone who would expect this from a grandparent

For goodness sake the woman is allowed to have her hair done at whatever time suits her. What a childish nasty comment.

How old is your Mum? I'm 50 and I view Halloween as a tacky modern American import. It's not a "festival" on a par with Easter and Christmas. Although I did laugh at you thinking adults could enjoy "even Christmas" as though that's the least enjoyable for an adult.

But unless you invited her specifically, and she said yes, then why expect her to come? You'd surely expect to invite, and receive a positive reply, for "even Christmas"? Or do you assume she'll spend that with you, without asking her, too?

Get a grip.

I don't see any issue with a 12yo and friend going out with younger siblings.
Some 12 year olds are still small and young.
We have had lots of younger teens calling at out house over the years, as long as they are dressed up and polite, what's the harm?

No DH is working. I don’t struggle my kids do enjoy spending time with their Nan understandably and she normally enjoys being involved.

A 12 year old in secondary school shouldn't be knocking on stranger's doors. I personally don't think anyone should but you need to be taking safety seriously at 12. It's also intimidating for the person at the door

There's nothing wrong with you wanting to do that!

Nothing wrong with her not wanting to.

Oh that's really mean. Nothing wrong with a 12 year old going out with their siblings. It's nice!

What makes being 12 an especially dangerous age to trick or treat, bearing in mind they’re not trick or treating solo?

Halloween has only become another over commercialised American thing. It is insignificant to most adults and she's quite right to get her hair done when suits her

I was also bemused by the ‘even Christmas’ comment.

I’m mid 40s and love Christmas. Halloween is an absolute nonsense, however, and why anyone would think it was a ‘family occasion’ is beyond me.

I guess if they are supervising the kids it's fine but not if they're hammering on the door demanding sweets

Secondary school is the start of a lot of gang issues