Another f**king incompetent husband thread

[Needadvce]

Apologies as I know tons of such thread have been posted. I have one of those fking useless husband. I had a baby 3 days ago and all he wants to do is chill and sleep.
I have a toddler as well to look after who is awake at 7 am and my husband just wants to keep sleeping and he sends him over to me while he knows that's the time I am sleeping after baby had her night feeds.
I have been shouting this morning that he needs to step up.
He thinks I haven't trained the toddler well so now it's on me to look after both. I said I will be better off as a single mother that I won't have to bear an incompetent person in my life.
Is there any advice I can use? Also, why are so many men so fking incompetent and useless?

in that case, she should use this 'free pass' to go and beat him up.

I think there are so many threads like these because men are not genetically wired to nurture young children like women. In nature a woman who has a baby would have other women helping out with the caring for the toddlers/children.
I am not justifying his behaviour I just think this is the reason women are struggling

Don't have any more children with him. Get the toddler into nursery/childminder ASAP for a couple of days a week which he can pay for, get your ducks in a row ready to kick him out.

Jog off dear. The OP needs to vent, needs support and advice on here. You have obviously never had a c section, with a toddler and a shit species as a socalled father to deal with.

@Nanny0gg My question was rhetorical, pointing out that the relationship has bigger problems than lack of equal childcare.

How exactly have YOU failed to train the toddler properly? What does that even mean?!
What did the useless waste of space say when you said you'd be better off as a single mother?
Congratulations on your baby OP and I hope your husband steps up today doubt it though sadly----

I know exactly how you feel OP. My dh does shifts and can't seem to wake up before 9am . I remember being absolutely exhausted while having a toddler and new baby.What I used to do (on his nights off) was go to bed around 8.00 same time as older dc and get him to do the next two feeds ie leave baby downstairs with him. So I'd sleep until around 1, by then I'd had a few solid hours sleep. Really made all the difference. If breastfeeding leave some pumped milk for him to warm up. You need your rest.

It's a shame.

I have seen this situation far too often, since teenage years. I often get bashed for saying
I never had any kids and married a good man three decades older (20 years ago).
I'm 45 and watched some ladies run themselves to an early graves due to their bastard husbands.
It was an unforgettable lesson.
OP, you are doing fantastically well. When you heal, or when it suits you and your kids, get rid of the third one.
❤️

Explain to him, slowly what you have been through, recovery from a c section is no joke.
And tell him your expectations. If he doesn't oblige, call your mother, and his to ask for some support.
Don't let his shitty behaviour be a secret you keep for him.
He's being a shitty father and husband.

Do you have any family/ friends who could help out. My feeling is that you might need to do the “short, sharp, shock” treatment and tell him to leave and think about how he wants things to go in the future- he should only come back if he’s prepared to commit to the partnership. But this would be much easier if you can get someone else to give you a hand.

So basically you had a second knowing full well he’s a lazy arse with the kids… Sorry but that’s utterly selfish. And not much fun for you right now either. I’d be looking at a lawyer as he’s not going to change now if he hasn’t already.

@NoisyDenimShaker ummm excuse me but one child can be a "complete family" for many many people!!
Not everyone succumbs to the "lonely only" false trope and just has to give them a sibling.
Fucks sake.

I don’t know why so many men are like this. I didn’t truly appreciate it until I had a baby. Some men are great, most are terrible.

I honestly just despise them. I feel like I would happily be single and never have sex again.

Just divorce him.

Last paragraph 👍

I always wonder how some put up with OH like this, I also worry though that maybe mine does too much and I not enough, wonder if he moans about me on some random men's net website lol.

You need support. Do you have any family or friends that would be willing to come and stay and help you? You can't recover from significant abdominal surgery, look after a newborn and a toddler and navigate this disrespectul useless stain of a man all at the same time.

He doesn't love you, he doesn't even like you, he doesn't care about you.

What you do about that is up to you, but I'd save your energy trying to explain to him that you need help, if he can't see what's under his nose and all he's got is advice that you should have trained his first child better you will be wasting your breath. Get him gone. It won't improve no matter how much you plead, explain, he's well aware of what needs doing, he just doesn't want to do it.

Yes he’s useless, but presumably you knew that already.

You cannot change other people, only your response to them.

Your response should be to leave him. How you do that with a newborn I have no idea. Move him out and your mum in?

Lol, @JacquesHarlow the vacuum stops working one day. It sounds like her hubby has been shouldering responsibility to @Needadvce forever - the toddler hasn't been trained by her, wtf!

I would get his useless arse out of my life asap. He is not going to change, he adds nothing. Honestly not sure I'd have had 2 kids with him, but it is what it is.

Women have such low standards...

He is the toddlers dad. He's on the sofa.

Can you take your children and stay with your parent(s) for a few days? Let him have all the time he wants to laze around, he’ll soon realise you’re at the end of your tether… or not and then you really will have your answer on what you need to do. This is completely unacceptable

I think that you need you ask him
If he would be happier moving out?

If he does want to stay you need to set some rules about who is dealing with what and when. If he can't agree to it or stick to it then maybe you should consider separation when you're feeling a bit stronger.

If you have had a c section, you shouldn’t be doing anything for a while. So he should definitely be off work, doesn’t matter if he is a contractor or not

When I had my DD I had good conversations with men who ran various types of businesses including retailer owners, tradesmen and contractors plus men who were employees for US businesses.

They all managed to arrange to take time off for their first child's first year. Some took weeks off while others took a day off per week for up to a year.

With their second child most of them rearranged how they worked completely.

So I had a plumber who employed others and did a 4 day week, and a retailer owner who owned a chain of shops who didn't work one day of the normal working week. They both then attended baby groups with their children.