Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

I find it hard to believe a woman would do this to another woman

The cheek of the marriage/ family destroyer.

I do believe you should be able to take revenge on the OW (after your DH has been thrown out, taken to the cleaners and lost his friends and family). Why should she get off Scott free? I’d have kept it to getting her into trouble at work (if work affair), telling her DH and making sure everyone knew she was morally bankrupt but then I am a very unforgiving person.

Thing is, some things can get you into trouble with the law, so best to stay on the right side.

Anyone stupid enough to send nudes can’t be surprised if they end up being circulated. If someone asked me to send a nude, I’d just say no.

An affair is always cowardly.

If it has got to the point where you are considering an affair, leave.

I don't agree with the revenge in the OP though.

She sounds like a vicious spiteful piece of work and got what she deserved. The sister was crazy to be involved and has lost her job as a result.

Committing a sex crime and completely blowing up your own life doesn’t seem like fantastic revenge does it? She’s in jail, her sister’s career is over. They’re absolutely deranged and daddy, who was the one who cheated, gets off Scot free.

I really believe society’s ire towards the other woman is rooted in misogyny. A man breaks his wedding vows but the OW is blamed because clearly the poor man couldn’t resist the evil temptress.

This. The irony wasn’t lost on me either.

This. In spades.

The cheek of the marriage/ family destroyer.

That wasn't the OW, that was the person IN the marriage that destroyed it.

Revenge is fair game, actions have consequences and she should get what she deserves. Got to be better than that though as that one obviously backfired.

They’re all as bad as each other.

So you don’t think women who know the man is married are culpable in any way?

I agree, sentencing is disproportionate for women. My sister worked in a female prison for a while and she said many of the prisoners really should not have been in there. The crimes were relatively petty and the impact on their (often young) children was huge. This women behaved badly but I would have thought a non custodial sentence would have been more appropriate, given her age, first offence, trauma as a teen etc.

A case full of misogyny from beginning to the end, including the amount of jail time.

She pleaded not guilty at first and only changed her plea after the trial had started. I would guess that she was given no credit for that

the opposite, she changed her plea after the woman testified, so she waited so she could humiliate her. The judge did not take it well.

I read about this during the trial. Both of these daughters sounded awful people- no remorse, nasty, arrogant, vindictive- there was much more to it than the photos.

I am glad she has been sentenced to prison. She deserves it. We should be taking internet crime more seriously. It is like a personal weapon used indiscriminately to bully, hurt, exploit, scare, abuse, intimidate and make other people unhappy at the moment with very little consequence for most who do it.

I don't buy the usual defence of 'difficult teenage years'. The parents must be so proud to have raised two horrible, unkind, criminal daughters like this- I dread to think how these two will raise their own children when they have them- God forbid!

Totally wrong but totally understand feelings of anger and disgust at OW. I would blame the man equally for treating my mother so badly.

The ow said, ""I find it hard to believe a woman would do this to another woman. To say I feel violated is an understatement."

All of them sound like foul people especially the father who skanked around on his wife.

I read all about the trial and the daughter comes across as very emotionally and mentally immature. A good spell in prison is probably what she needs to grow up a bit. The mother and sister are also culpable here, not one brain cell between the three of them.

The ow said, ""I find it hard to believe a woman would do this to another woman."
Pot, meet kettle.

agree completely. You have summed it up very well.

Very unreasonable.
The instigator and appropriate focus of anger is the married father who didn't take his responsibilities as husband and father serioisly. The OW was just a single womam who met a man who was (probably, I haven't read the details) pretending to be (a) nice and (b) unattached.

Even if she did hold some of the blame, posting nude photos online is a horrible thing to do to anyone. It's quite right she has been imprisoned.

Not RTFT but FFS. I'm sorry, OP, but there is something actively wrong with you if you think this woman's actions (the daughter, to be clear) are in any way ok. I actually can't believe you have posted in support of this - and I say this as the child of divorced parents due to an affair. I get fucking sick of the vilification of women in this position on this forum. It isn't ok to be the OW. I would never claim it's an ok course of action. But it happens. It causes hurt and it causes pain, and is to be avoided. I'm not condoning it. But it isn't the worst fucking transgression in the world. People who end up being the OW are not witches to be hung out in the stocks like we are in the Middle Ages fgs. The daughter had every right to feel upset. She had every right to feel angry but the anger needs to be directed towards her father and no matter what she feels anyone has done, her response is disproportionate, twisted and I'd go as far as evil. She is now FAR more worthy of derision than the OW in question.

Pleasant, caring, generous women don’t spend two years fucking someone else’s husband.

In your opinion.

But....they sometimes do.

Having an affair doesn't change someone's entire personality. It's one element.

This is simply bullshit.

Yes. It happens. Being the OW does not negate every other aspect of someone's character. Nobody belongs to someone else. I'm not condoning being the OW. But this ridiculous notion by bitter women on Mumsnet that having been the OW automatically makes someone a terrible person who doesn't deserve friends or happiness of any kind and should be outcast by other women forever and ever amen is just tiresome now.

The daughter clearly has anger management issues. She'd have been better off learning how to deal with her anger than doing what she did. I think the fact that the affair was still eating her up TWELVE YEARS after the fact, when her parents are still together even, speaks of mental-health issues.

Also, perhaps she's not very bright, not realising that it takes two.

I'm at a loss to know why she could be this upset twelve years after the fact. She did know about the affair at the time, because she said how much it had damaged her teenage years. You'd have thought she'd have moved on twelve years later.

I think she's just bonkers.