Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

You think it’s fair to share someone’s naked pictures as part of revenge? You’re the problem. That is utterly vile. Hopefully she’ll have some sense knocked into her now.

I was surprised by the length of the sentence.
I'm also surprised at the level of hate her actions required to do something like that.
My question is why do it 12 yrs after the affair?
She would have been a child at the time.
Has the dm been harbouring resentment for 12 yrs then decided to set her dd's on the OW?
The dm and dsis should have been charged too.
Are the parents still together?
The husband is clearly blameless 🙄
What an absolute cluster fuck for all involved.

Wow, what did you do to your dad? Must've been really bad.

Yeah OP honestly if you felt that your mother and family were torn apart by an affair like that you'd be far, far better off encouraging your mother to leave your father and helping her to get some therapy and getting some therapy for yourself too rather than doing something so awful.

They'd all be in a far better place now if they had tried to deal with this in a healthier way.

This. Appalling behaviour, especially from the mother

No, this isn't even remotely justifiable.

I don't subscribe to the ethos that only the man is at fault. He is primarily responsible. Yes, he signed up to the marriage and cheated, and for me, he'd immediately be consigned to the rubbish bin of history. Good riddance.

But I equally couldn't enter into a relationship as an OW knowing fully how destructive that can be. A shitty thing to do.

Revenge, yes, get rid and be happy.

I’ve been cheated on by a boyfriend and doing this wouldn’t have even crossed my mind (not that nude pics were involved but I was angry as Hell at both him and his side piece).

The mum and dad are still together which is nuts. I bet the mum played happy families with the dad who wasn’t held to account. Affairs devastate families .

Well clearly it's not reasonable to do that.
Firstly, why doesn't she blame her dad and take revenge on him? Can't he restrain himself?
Secondly, her actions were illegal, so now she has to serve time and has a record.
And lastly, what good did it do? Did it improve anyone's life?
It was childish, undignified, illegal and made the situation worse.

Agree with this.

My father has an affair when I was 16/17. Obviously it destroyed the family but there's no way I'd have done anything remotely like this!! Incidentally he's married to the OW and has been for the past 20 years, so it worked out for them. But obviously I hated them both at first and refused to get to know her. It was a long time ago but I do recall holding my dad in higher contempt than her - he was the one with loyalty to the family and his actions caused it, after all. Even in midst of my anger it would never have occurred to me to take any form of "revenge" on her, particularly not of this type. Absolutely deranged behaviour.

She got a lifelong restraining order too so they must have serious concerns about her level of hatred for this woman.

As for why she did it 12 years after the affair, apparently the wife saw that the husband of the OW had set up a new business and he was advertising on facebook and that's what set it all off. Maybe the OW and her husband hadn't been on social media prior to that or they were triggered by seeing the husband doing so well.

It looks like the parents are still together because they were on holiday together at the time when the husband tried to contact him about the messages.

It boils down to revenge porn & over here the guards take that very seriously, the best revenge is you (or your mam) living your best life

It's as if the Jeremy Kyle show is still going strong.
People are childish, yet think they are being so clever, yet do not consider the ramifications of their actions. Then they end up in shit and wonder why.
Sad that they make 'revenge' a goal instead of walking aaway from the cheating husband with dignity, without washing their dirty linen in public
So, OP, yabu to consider acting in such a sadly predictable way
Those discussing the sentence in caomparision to that of rapists/sex offenders are derailing, unless you are galvanising an action to get sentencing laws changed.

Deeply concerning that 11% of voters seem to be ok with willfully committing a sex crime.

Would any of that 11% like to detail what other occasions they think revenge porn is fine? How about a man whose girlfriend cheats on him? What about a man who feels his ex-wife stole half "his" assets in the divorce then married someone more successful? Is it ok as long as he's really, really angry at her?

Agree it’s not proportionate. Seems too harsh imo.

This.

This woman sent photos 12 years ago to a man that she was in a consensual relationship with . He shared those with his wife (I assume) and she kept them for 12 years and then put them of a sex site, she also then sent them (I think) to her daughter. They also made everyone testify deliberately to cause stress and anxiety. The affair has finished over a decade before. They set out to destroy the husbands business and make her the absolutely laughing stock of their community. Her actual father - no blame to her. The mother of this child egged her own and her sister despite being police officers. WTAF?

Ive done some stupid stuff in my life, would I want it posted all over the internet by someone - nope. You have the right to your own privacy. I have never had an affair but I once dated a man who was divorced and he was divorced - I went on two dates on a public forum I had written a FB comment and she wrote underneath about morals. This she then commented on her own wall publicly about slags, whores etc and didn’t refer to me but my god it was meant for me / she was engaged. The police were involved and she did remove it. She tried to contact me about 10 times over about two years all I did was I went on two dates with her ex after they divorced. She was deranged - god it was stressful and awful. I can’t imagine the stress this mother and daughters have done. If by posting private images the victim committed suicide or has had a break down - it that her punishment?

The judge was also clear this bully deliberately made her victim, Doherty daughter and husband give evidence to drag them to court before she plead guilty to taunt them. The judge said this was what had happened.

No, this is not justifiable in anyway. Having said that I find the victims comments about “women doing this to other women” and “ feeling violated” rather lacking in self awareness. I do wish people would actually think through all the consequence of their actions, BEFORE doing them. That goes for the victim and the offender and obviously her father and mother and sister in this case.

Revenge porn is a sexual assault, and that's how she has been convicted. It is true though that a woman is more likely to receive a longer sentence than a man for the same crime. I hope the fact that they goaded their daugher and sister into jail serves as punishment for the mother and sister, but it's really not enough.

So peraon cheats and this gives the other person free rein to do whatever they want?

So does work with other things, someone does anything to us and we just ignore the law and do what we want?

Can't edit my post but meant to say that the other, aggravating factor is that she posted the photos on an escort website. So her husband started to get messages asking about the service offered.
I think this is why the sentence was more than usual.

Being the victim of a sex crime 12 years down the road at the hands of a third party is not something people should ever have to consider as the consequences of their choice to have consensual sex with another adult. Infidelity is not the equivalent of a sex crime, it is not justification for a sex crime, and it does not lessen the impacts of a sex crime on the victim.

It's concerning that women are jumping in to criticize her for not factoring in her share of the blame for being the victim of a sex crime when giving her victim impact statement in court. That was her opportunity to talk about how the crime affected her as the victim. She does not owe a public mea culpa or grace to the person who is being sentenced for commiting a crime against her.

Absolutely not. It is completely unacceptable to do that to anyone.

She targeted not just the OW but also two innocent people (OW's husband and child). I wonder how she justifies that? The only pity is that the mother and sister, arguably more culpable than her, aren't also sitting in a prison cell.

I do agree that it's possible to blame BOTH parties for the affair, although the brunt of any anger should have been directed at the father. I do wonder about the marriage though - the father was married to a nutter who thought nothing of instrumentalising her children for vengeance 12 years after the fact.

Now one is in prison and the other has lost her job as a police officer. Both daughters will probably struggle to find gainful employment now and all because one or both parents shared FAR too much detail with the girls about their marital troubles and the mother then proceeded to egg on her daughters into criminality.

Even now there's no remorse or regret on the girls' part (report I read said the gobby sister butted into court proceedings). So yes, am glad she has 3 years to sit and reflect on her behaviour away from her mother's contaminating influence.

How on earth is three years for sharing nude photos and the husbands contact details too harsh? She committed a sex crime. Would those posters be happy if someone got 6 months for sharing your photos and contact details or those of your mum/ sister/ daughter/ friend? Those photos will always be out there. People commit suicide because of things like this. This wasn't an act of passion in the heat of the moment. It was cold and calculated.

She absolutely deserves her three years. Her sister and mother should have had consequences. Their actions were not fair or normal or expected reactions.