Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

It might be a crap relationship, a part time relationship or a purely sexual relationship but it's still a relationship. As opposed to an affair.

My first thought: how dysfunctional/toxic is this family?
My second thought: imagine being the husband and living with people who are obsessed with a betrayal that occurred 12 years ago?
My final thought: how betrayals of a sexual nature (and there are many types of betrayal in marriage) seem to bring out a poisonous misogyny, women are held to a higher standard especially by other women.
How will our sex achieve equality, when we buy into the notion that adultery is always “more” the woman’s fault?

Yes that is victim blaming.
It's like saying 'but why on earth did she go to the house with him? Why on earth did she get in his car? why on earth did she wear that outfit?'.

I dont think it is like that. Sharing intimate pictures online is a very risky thing to do as demonstrated here if they fall into the wrong hands. It's basic online safety. We all tell our kids not to send intimate pics online and that is not victim blaming.

Going into a house, a car or wearing an outfit isn't a risky thing to do. I've never told our dc not to do any of those things.

That said of course no one should use images to harass anyone.

It's exactly like that.

I think you're being extremely disingenuous now because most if not all parents will have warned their kids about accepting lifts from strangers or being careful on dates etc or going back to someones house if they barely know them (of course most rapes/assaults happen with someone they do know but that's beside the point). It's also extremely common for women to be cautious on dates and tell their friends where they are going and give them details as you well know.

Yes people do warn their kids etc not to send intimate pictures, but some adults very much enjoy sending them and the risk involved isn't going to change that for many people, just like the risk from other sexual activities doesn't stop others from doing those kind of things.

There are now laws to try to prevent other people from threatening to share the pics or from actually sharing the pics, it's not always going to stop people of course, but now if people do share them then that's 'risky' for them as they could be facing jail time like the daughter in this story. But you don't think it should be punished harshly at all. Well many others feel differently thankfully.

I understand where this woman is coming from, "Parents fuck you up."
Bytheway how did she get hold of the photos?

Her mother gave her the images or so I read, also the mother and sister both police officers encouraged her. The sister was serving she got sacked. I don't think the mum has been charged but she should have been. Disgusting. thing that all have done the sister and mother should be charged imo too. I don't understand because having abusive parents doesn't excuse murders or abusers. This is a degrading and hideous crime. The affair was years ago and her parents stayed together they are still together. My mum had a hard life yet it made her a great mum grandma and he a better person

I am now 65 my mother had affairs throughout my childhood and teens, I have never recovered, I have tried so hard. Unfortunately, I live with insecurity everyday. I don't feel good enough and I cannot raise my mood, I trust nobody, and my brother is exactly the same. Although what the subject woman has done is wrong, her mental health is damaged. I hope that she is helped to come to terms. Her mother should have been the one to guide her, not encourage her.

This… it’s disgusting that men who share indecent images of children get a suspended sentence, while this woman has done jail time. Ridiculous
often women get much longer sentences than men for the same crime

I've no doubt the daughter has suffered and her mental health has been impacted by her father having an affair, let's face it, parents fuck you up in a multitude of ways, sometimes through being crap parents and sometimes unintentionally.

None of that excuses criminal behaviour. The daughter targeted the husband and the daughter of the woman involved in the affair, who had nothing to do with it. She also avoided pleading guilty until last minute when the woman involved had been dragged through the mud - that's why her sentence is the length it is, not because some judge just decided to be nasty.

The daughter is despicable- it's a malicious, cruel thing to do. It was her father who let her down- yet she chose to attack everyone else but!

The cheat in this case is the man…
I’ve been on the receiving end of the bullshit of men… claiming they’ve separated, sleep in separate rooms because they’ve no where else to go.. haven’t been intimate for years, the wife is seeing someone else or cheated, he’s saving to move out, is so unhappy etc….
I’m not silly so have never fallen for the BS, told them to seek marriage counselling or rent a room in a shared house… never flirted back etc… but I can tell you, they start messaging asking how the family
is etc and all harmless (old school friends or old work colleagues etc) then they progress to ‘would be great to catch up’… which is fine as I believe old friends can meet regardless of gender… then after meeting the crap begins….
oh you were so beautiful the other night /
I haven’t been so happy in a woman’s company for years / my wife is awful … then all the stuff I said above… one guy tried this on probably 10 years ago!!… told me his marriage was over, no point doing marriage counselling as it was over… I didn’t fall for it and so got blocked… and surprise surprise they’re still together 10 years on…
I also had a lovely male friend who was being the fed the same shite by a woman… claimed her marriage was over, always text in evening and claimed he wouldn’t let her text people so she could only text once she was in bed (separate rooms of course)…
but it didn’t take a genius to work out that the hubby went to bed early as he started work early and she probably was sat downstairs messaging my friend for an hour or so till she Went up and joined her husband… they would meet for quickies and always in secret… she would always give the same excuses about staying purely for the kids… my friend was so sucked in by her story he wouldn’t believe me that she was having her cake and eating it… that she’d probably never leave the marriage etc.. thankfully I believe I put enough doubt there that he did walk away eventually and find himself a lady he could be seen out with and have proper dates!

What?!?! You’ve never told your DC not to get in a strangers car? Go into a strangers house etc??
it’s very clear what was meant - we are too often blaming the rape victims saying they shouldn’t have got a lift home with a man they just met etc….