Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

First comment nails it.

of Course not, no way. I really abhor this blaming the ow. Like the man has no agency in his life, they were all arriving together as well, so looks like the wife’s still with him. His naked pics weren’t on the internet, but the woman’s were?

no way, totally abhorrent behaviour.

To be fair, the OW was married too and couldn't keep her knickers on either.

I think a jail sentence is appropriate - you cannot do that and hope to get away with it. If the father had done it we would have all recognized how horrific it was.

Nonetheless, I do understand her desire for revenge. It must be galling to see the an individual who has bombed your life swan off as if it was nothing. Presumably she got the opportunity to show her rage at her father, but the OW would naturally also be the target of her wrath.

The OW was unbelievably stupid to send nudes (thick as shit TBH, when she knows the calibre of man she’s sending them to), but being thick as shit; selfish; immoral; and someone who runs away from responsibility are not illegal, uploading intimate photos without consent is.

The convicted woman would have been better off just wishing that someone implodes the lives of the OW’s children like the OW did to her.

Her behaviour was appalling and she deserved a severe punishment but I can’t help but think a huge number of hours community service and fine plus tagging would have been sufficient because it is going to cost the tax payers around £40k a year to keep her locked up.

I cannot imagine a situation, no matter how hurt I was (especially by something that happened 12 years ago), where I would encourage my DD to do something like this.

Agree with this. Good that she was jailed.

How on earth did she access the photos??

And to then stay with your husband, utterly heinous behaviour, the mother should be ashamed.

I don’t suppose the father was punished in any way for tearing the family apart was he? 🙄

But I still bet you if she was a man it wouldn't be as long.

Nope. He's still married to the offender's mother.

But that doesn't justify comiting a crime. Having an affair is not against the law. Revenge porn and stalking absolutely is. Amd any Mother who encourages their daughter to do something like this is just as culpable than the two who had the affair. Our job as parents is to make tholings easier for our children not use them for our own ends. My exh left me for another woman. I can't tell you the pain I had and still have sometimes, that my daughter goes to their house. Even in my darkest days I didn't use my daughter to funnel my own pain and dark thoughts.

If you send nudes to someone its 50/50 they could end up anywhere for anyone to see, that's the joy of technology in this day and age. She knew he was married. I don't think either party in this was innocent. Her for having no self control, him for having an extramarital affair and ripping his family apart and obviously doing some damage to his child. The daughter is old enough to know better but obviously took the affair badly.

Convicted rapists do not receive less time. The minimum sentence for rape under the current sentencing guidelines is 4 years.

There are a wide range of child sex offences, and each offence covers a wide range of behaviour. Only offenders engaging in the least serious behaviour for the least serious offences will get away with community service.

My Dad also had an affair and this also broke apart our family.

The defendant here is deranged and cruel - what a shitty thing to do. And, of course, ultimately, they've hurt themseleves even more than they have hurt someone else. So also a stupid thing to do.

Absolutely not a reasonable thing to do.

And I also don't think that you can ever really know what's going on in a marriage. The person having the affair isn't necessarily the one most at fault.

The sentencing guidelines for this offence depend on the category of harm and culpability.

It would appear from the description that this is the highest category which has a starting point of one year and a range of 26 weeks to 18 months with a maximum of two years.

According to the BBC she was sentenced on two counts consecutively, to two years and one year.

She pleaded not guilty at first and only changed her plea after the trial had started. I would guess that she was given no credit for that.

In contrast, if she had pleaded guilty at the first opportunity then there would have been a 33% reduction. So, if the judge had decided on the same sentence then, with the reduction, she would have been sentenced to two years.
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Another poster said that child sex offenders get less time in prison or even probation and I agree that this is wrong, but you need to look at the sentencing guidelines for those offences.

This woman shared, presumably, a photo of the OW "in an intimate state". It included substantial planning which was an aggravating factor. In contrast, the lowest category of this offence has a starting point of 12 weeks in prison with a range of a community order up to 26 weeks in prison.

The equivalent category of offence involving indecent images of children of the same type also has a starting point of 13 weeks and a range of a community order up to 26 weeks in prison.
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The big difference is that she was clearly at the highest level of culpability and harm and pleaded not guilty. That makes a huge difference.

The equivalent category for distributing indecent images offences has a starting point of 3 years and a range of 2 to 5 years in prison. But many, maybe most, will plead guilty at the first opportunity and so get a 33% reduction.

No. My dad and stepdad both cheated on my mum and I never felt the need to do this.

And yet the vast majority of men, like Huw Edwards, who look at children being raped online get no custodial sentence at all. If it had been a son doing this he would have got a much lesser sentence. I don’t agree with what she did but the sentence is hugely disproportionate. I hope she appeals.

That scenario could have been written about my parents split.

A two year affair leading to the break up of my parents 25yr marriage and OW's 15 Yr marriage.

Yes my mum was devasted, betrayed, humiliated and still seethe about it 20 odd years later.

My father and now step mum are, however, perfect together. She is a pleasant, caring , generous woman.

My father apparently was not happy for a long time before the affair and looking back I can see that. My mother is in complete denial and insists they would still be blissfully married if it wasn't for OW, and it's that kind of refusal to see the truth that probably was the problem all along.

Affairs are indeed not always all about shagging and thrill seeking. When you are in an unhappy relationship and feel trapped and powerless, it's easy to see how they start.

These women taking revenge are obviously nasty pieces of work and not very bright. I hope the mum is ashamed now.

Having an affair is always cowardly, no matter what issues are in a marriage. Never an acceptable solution or worthy of respect.

That's interesting. Would you mind sharing where that information comes from?

The CPS guidance is a 6 month term for sharing nude photos without consent. I can't find a record of any man being jailed for 3 years for a similar offence

Yes, Stephen Bear only got 21 months - he also plead not guilty as first. I don't know the details to know if there were other factors involved in his case, but he did have to pay back money he got from the videos he uploaded.

I don't agree that it's as black and white as that.

And sometimes both partners behave badly - the one having an affair isn't necessarily the worse of the two.