Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

But sentences for violent and abusive men are completely disproportionate to non violent women. It might seem ok to be calling for long custodial sentences on women, but it's becoming the norm. Judges look at sentencing in general to guide them, there's obvious bias happening because of a lack of male prison places. We are now living with justice not being done, or seen to be done. A short sentence and using house arrest would have been more appropriate and less costly, all round.

No, I’d be most angry with my dad, but I wouldn’t take revenge on anyone. I’d support my mother to help her move on. I can’t believe a woman would do that to another woman. I thought it was only men who used revenge porn. I actually think that’s gross what she did.

Apparently we mustn't comment on the lenient sentencing given to paedophiles and other sex offenders

Instead we must campaign for more appropriate sentences for men who commit serious offences and not comment on judges who pass extreme sentences on women, giving custodial sentences for first time low level offending.

Tbh, I think rather than it being the responsibility of mumsnetters to start a campaign these very highly paid judges should demonstrate some common sense and consistency when passing sentences.

People need to stop referring to revenge porn as low level crime. It isn’t.

And frankly after over a decade where the couple have remained married there’s nothing to avenge.

If you can’t deal with the fact your partner has cheated then you can quite understandably leave. But if you choose not to then that means you move forward, it doesn’t give you the punish those who played a part over ten years ago. If you find you can’t move forward then you leave.

I think the people involved with the affair were either very close friends of the family or were related in some way which explains The level of rage and jealousy involved. I think this affair was a secret for a long time before it came to light .

Given the over crowding in prisons and the release of prisoners to ease it, what, really, is the point of this lengthy sentence? Obviously, the woman behaved badly, as did her sister who lost her job, and her mother. But there ought to be a better way of dealing with this and a suspended sentence with counselling would seem to me to have been a better solution since, in those circumstances, it's unlikely the offence would be repeated. I agree with those who have pointed out that women are sentenced much more severely than men and this should be rectified. The system should not be about carrying out revenge on behalf of the victim but about protecting society.

On another point, why do people allow their lovers to take naked photographs of them? And why are they so surprised when said photos emerge at a later date?

No. It's pathetic and outrageous.
Have a bit of fucking dignity and foresight.

Lives are ruined, one daughter is in prison, one has lost her career, and the marriage isn't even over!
If I was that woman's mother I'd be seriously regretting about my life choices.

I agree with those who have pointed out that women are sentenced much more severely than men and this should be rectified.

This is not the case. Women are sentenced (slightly) more leniently then men.

Really? That’s interesting. Are the offences comparable? Aren't more women suffering from intimidation or have mental health issues? I apologise if I'm wrong but thought I'd read that it was the case.

Exactly.

Somebody said the same thing a couple of days ago which prompted me to check.

I found this.

“Women are sentenced less frequently than men to prison or probation (13 and 3 percentage points less frequently, respectively). Prison and probation sentences are also shorter (18 days shorter for prison and 4 days shorter for probation) and suspended prison sentences longer (8 days) for women.”

https://research-information.bris.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/209890205/Gendergap.pdf

Now that is interesting. It's the opposite of what I thought. Thank you for drawing my attention. I still wonder about the offences though.

That's appalling victim blaming. Revenge porn is a serious crime for good reason.

Not blaming the victim at all. Just asking the question. Which I think is worth asking.

A question that goes down a similar road to when judges used to question a woman's choice of clothing during rape trials.

And the man she cheated with also tore another family apart and broke their hearts. He's the perpetrator's dad. So that's fine then, he doesn't owe the other man or his kids anything.

Revenge porn is never acceptable.

I also think very little of her mother. Years ago she took her husband back after knowing about the affair and then showed her daughter nude photos and encouraged her actions. You don't encourage your child to break the law to get revenge for you, you just don't.

Shes been let down by both of her parents, and the mother and sister should be feeling incredibly guilty that they've walked away without sanction.

The woman's husband and daughter played no part in the affair yet she targeted them deliberately.

It would be victim blaming to say she deserved it, if you do that then tough.

It is not victim blaming to ask why on earth anyone would send nudes online. Once you press send you lose control and it would seem a very reckless thing to do.

We can say that and still agree the offender was wrong and needed some kind of punishment, a suspended sentence with counselling or similar imo.

That is victim blaming. Disgusting that you would say otherwise.

The research controls for the offences.

I thought it was well known that women get more lenient sentences

It takes two people to have an. Affair yet one iz usually deemed guilty and the other one is usually deemed innocent when in fact both participants are equally guilty regardless of the excuses they trot out

Absolutely not

I wouldn't go to jail over a cheating man

Obviously not. I understood that many women with mental health problems are sent to jail for minor offences such as shoplifting and that women intimidated into drug dealing ahd otherbcriminal behaviour also serve long sentences while the intimidator goes unpunished.

No it doesn't. It's only an affair if one or both parties are in a relationship with someone else. If someone is married and someone is single, the married one is having an affair, the single one is having a relationship.

'If someone is married and someone is single, the married one is having an affair, the single one is having a relationship'

The single one is having a relationship? I'm not so sure tbh, it's more a bit on the side isn’t it. Relationships tend to involve beng involved and present in your dp's daily life not just being available for a quick one when a dh/dw is busy.