Page 23 | Should I shag the 25 year old

NotmyrealNC · 2024-10-21T21:39:06+00:00

NC for obvious reasons. Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex. Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing. I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:20

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:19

Why on earth has my post saying fancying teenagers as a middle aged woman gross being deleted. Do you all including mumsnet think this is acceptable. I'm not talking about the 25 year old I'm talking about the poster saying she fancied her friends teenage sons. What is wrong with you all

you can't call people names. that's why.

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:21

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:19

you really are obsessed aren't you? You need to let it go.

you're not the only one here who was groomed.. i was barely 20 when i started seeing my then 34yo boyfriend, so i understand your level of Ick more than most.. and again why at 38 i turned down the advances of a 25yo.

However, you're focusing too much on the peanut gallery of responses from OTHER posters, not what the rest of us are talking about which is the OP and the young man in question, who's ages are 35 and 25.

It might do you well to leave the thread, rather than continue to sow discord and continue reliving your trauma and being upset.

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So why are you coming at me instead of also calling out the peanut gallery of posters as you call it literally talking about teenagers

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:21

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:20

you can't call people names. that's why.

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I didnt

BIossomtoes · 24/10/2024 20:21

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 24/10/2024 20:18

Literally the poster just above is talking about fancying her friends teenage sons and someone below is backing her

I took that more as seeing a friend's son and thinking "goodness, he's become a handsome young man". Not acting on it or flirting with him or anything, which would obviously be inappropriate.

Exactly that.

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:22

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:21

So why are you coming at me instead of also calling out the peanut gallery of posters as you call it literally talking about teenagers

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because i'm not here to talk about other posters input. including yours. Good grief, give it a rest.

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:23

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:21

I didnt

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last i checked telling someone "your (sic) gross" is calling someone names.

I'm beginning to think you're a teenager yourself, not a full grown woman.

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:24

BIossomtoes · 24/10/2024 20:21

Exactly that.

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I genuinely interested as my brain thankfully doesn't work like this but do you actually look at 16/17 year olds (pray to God no younger) and think he's a bit of alright

BIossomtoes · 24/10/2024 20:24

You’re not genuinely interested at all.

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:25

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:23

last i checked telling someone "your (sic) gross" is calling someone names.

I'm beginning to think you're a teenager yourself, not a full grown woman.

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I would of said worse but I was basing it on the wording the majority had used on this thread as I assumed that meant it was acceptable but clearly it's only unacceptable when people who are sticking up for children say it

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:26

BIossomtoes · 24/10/2024 20:24

You’re not genuinely interested at all.

I really am

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:28

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:25

I would of said worse but I was basing it on the wording the majority had used on this thread as I assumed that meant it was acceptable but clearly it's only unacceptable when people who are sticking up for children say it

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It's not ok, under the Talk Guidelines calling someone names classes as "Personal attack"

You can say.. i think that is gross. you cannot say "you're gross" does that make sense? You have to think about how you're wording it to avoid it getting deleted.

Deadringer · 24/10/2024 20:28

TheSnugHare · 21/10/2024 23:43

I am 19 and the person I am seeing is 25 so it feels weird that someone your age would be interested in my boyfriend got to watch our backs

Bit of a double standard there? Your boyfriend can shag someone 6 years younger (a teenager at that) but op can't shag someone 10 years younger?

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:30

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:28

It's not ok, under the Talk Guidelines calling someone names classes as "Personal attack"

You can say.. i think that is gross. you cannot say "you're gross" does that make sense? You have to think about how you're wording it to avoid it getting deleted.

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OK thankyou il be more mindful. Iv had people say way worse to me on here and not had their comments deleted but I wouldn't grass them up which I assume is what's happen as I believe everyone has the right to speak

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:33

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:30

OK thankyou il be more mindful. Iv had people say way worse to me on here and not had their comments deleted but I wouldn't grass them up which I assume is what's happen as I believe everyone has the right to speak

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it may not be the poster you said it to who reported it. If it doesn't get reported, it won't get deleted.. but i will say this, if you're being very outspoken on a thread, like you are, then your posts will stand out and are more likely to get noticed/reported.

We're all here for discussion, and it can get heated when something is said that upsets/bothers us.. i'm just as guilty in some corners, but moderating ourselves, keeping it civil, and knowing when to walk away/not respond, will mean you're less likely to get deleted and have yourself and your behaviour flagged to the moderation team.

BIossomtoes · 24/10/2024 20:34

it may not be the poster you said it to who reported it.

It wasn’t.

ForeverScout · 24/10/2024 20:35

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:10

I work in a job where alcohol is sold and it's challenge 25 as obviously by 25 most people look like adults but before 25 its a bit questionable everyday I'm I'd ING people and the late teen early 20s really do look like children to me. Everyday we read posts on here from mums about their young adult children that really highlights how young they really are which is understandable as kids are now in education to a minimum of 18. Kids lost a couple of years of normal development due to covid and lockdowns. It's hard to see these young people everyday at work and read stories from mums on here. And then be able to understand why a 34 year old was shagging a 20 year old. And why another poster admitted to fancying her friends teenage sons. It's all well and good saying when kids reach a certain age it's OK. The age of consent in this country is 16. So absolutely by law a 45 year old could shag a 16 year old. But luckily most people's brains don't work like that and they see the young people In workplaces in the community and want to guide them and protect them not shag them why all their other 40 odd year old friends say go for it ride him/her like a bull then come back and tell us all the details

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I used to card people all the way to mid-thirties, at 18 I was a shocking judge of peoples age, and mildly terrified of being fired for missing an elderly looking 17yo and selling her vodka😂

But yes - your general point - some young 20s are very young. I grew up rurally where most are used to hard labour and carrying significant responsibility by the time they hit their twenties. Still young in some respects, but definitely not as 'young' as others I've seen coming through work.

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:37

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:33

it may not be the poster you said it to who reported it. If it doesn't get reported, it won't get deleted.. but i will say this, if you're being very outspoken on a thread, like you are, then your posts will stand out and are more likely to get noticed/reported.

We're all here for discussion, and it can get heated when something is said that upsets/bothers us.. i'm just as guilty in some corners, but moderating ourselves, keeping it civil, and knowing when to walk away/not respond, will mean you're less likely to get deleted and have yourself and your behaviour flagged to the moderation team.

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Yeah this is something I really struggle with and something iv spent many years in therapy trying to fix (the joys of bpd) when I think im right I get really stubborn and when others don't agree with me I don't understand as I think they should 🙈🤣🤣

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 24/10/2024 20:38

Yeah this is something I really struggle with and something iv spent many years in therapy trying to fix (the joys of bpd) when I think im right I get really stubborn and when others don't agree with me I don't understand as I think they should

All else aside, I'm genuinely sorry you've been through what you have and that you still have struggles. I know it's frustrating when you feel strongly and others don't see your point of view.

Differentstarts · 24/10/2024 20:38

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 24/10/2024 20:38

Yeah this is something I really struggle with and something iv spent many years in therapy trying to fix (the joys of bpd) when I think im right I get really stubborn and when others don't agree with me I don't understand as I think they should

All else aside, I'm genuinely sorry you've been through what you have and that you still have struggles. I know it's frustrating when you feel strongly and others don't see your point of view.

Thankyou 🥰

Foxxo · 24/10/2024 20:41

ForeverScout · 24/10/2024 20:35

I used to card people all the way to mid-thirties, at 18 I was a shocking judge of peoples age, and mildly terrified of being fired for missing an elderly looking 17yo and selling her vodka😂

But yes - your general point - some young 20s are very young. I grew up rurally where most are used to hard labour and carrying significant responsibility by the time they hit their twenties. Still young in some respects, but definitely not as 'young' as others I've seen coming through work.

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i got carded more between 30 and 35 than i EVER did pre 25 lol.

ForeverScout · 24/10/2024 20:51

Wish I could say the same!

I tell myself that once I start dyeing my hair to cover the grays coming through I'll start getting carded again. It's definitely not cos I rarely buy alcohol or go out these days ... surely I'm not that old!

Original poster

NotmyrealNC · 28/10/2024 10:06

So for those who were wondering... I shagged him. And it was crap! I thought it would be some exciting Sex and the City moment but it was more reminiscent of being back at uni.

He was lovely and respectful, but the sex was just rubbish, and if anything just made me miss all the great sex I had with my ex husband, so not the outcome I was hoping for at all.

At least I know now that casual sex isn't for me!

OP posts:

Tink3rbell30 · 28/10/2024 10:12

You were warned 😂🤦‍♀️

Tahlbias · 28/10/2024 10:13

NotmyrealNC · 28/10/2024 10:06

So for those who were wondering... I shagged him. And it was crap! I thought it would be some exciting Sex and the City moment but it was more reminiscent of being back at uni.

He was lovely and respectful, but the sex was just rubbish, and if anything just made me miss all the great sex I had with my ex husband, so not the outcome I was hoping for at all.

At least I know now that casual sex isn't for me!

Maybe he was nervous lol

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/10/2024 10:16

I honestly can’t see how anyone can think you’re being unreasonable.

It’s not even a big age difference.

You are both well over the age of consent.

he doesn’t want a relationship, he only wants sex. You don’t want a relationship, you only want sex.

like honestly people what exactly is the issue?!

live and let live