Friend in trouble, police at my door.

[Playgroundincident]

My friends daughter is in year five mine is in year 4. My friend is an black, Muslim Zimbabwean woman daughter is also. Daughter has been receiving snipey racist abuse from a child in her class. Always where teachers can't hear and it's been going on for a couple of weeks. Daughter is a wonderful, sociable intelligent sporty kid an absolute pleasure to be around. Friend had been in to school at the beans thought it had been addressed however over the weekend it emerged that it hasn't and the child is still doing it, daughter hadn't said anything to her mum.
My friend was so upset, we walked in he dropped the kids off his morning, she said goodbye to he daughter then we watched the kids line up to go in. My friend and I stood in another part of the playground till she saw the boy who had been racist towards her daughter. She flew at him shouting all sorts of profanities, told him she was going to hit him, fucking kill him. The child was understandably frightened and the dad of another child stepped in and tried to calm the situation down. I grabbed her and took her out of the playground so the teachers could deal with the child. I've never seen he do this before she is not normally this way inclined but has a shit year with a husband who thinks she is there to serve him, left her for another woman, both parents died so her threshold is low at the moment. I sat with her in the car to calm her down. I told her I can't imagine how she is feeling he daughter being racially abused, told her I understood that she wanted to protect her but threatening to kill a 10 year old was not on. She's now annoyed at me asI didn't stick up for her.
An hour later the police have turned up at my door looking for her asking had I seen her, getting a witness statement because school have reported her. Friend has phoned me saying that she knows it was me who told the police and how she thought I would have her back and the year 4/5 WhatsApp has lit up with comments about how I should have done something slagging my friend and me off. For the record I don't agree with what she did but I've now got her and police to deal with. and now he child who made the racist comments mum threatening me. He whole thins is absolutely zero to do with me. I feel sorry for the children but any advice on how to navigate this would be much appreciated. Not sure whether to go for radio silence with everyone but police and school or say something on WhatsApp. My son is in he school and I don't want any fall out on him or my friends daughter either. Any suggestions appreciated.

OP, your friend did not like (rightly) another child bullying her child, your friend then bullied a child shouting and threatening to kill him. Your friend is 1000% times worse imo, as an adult you do not bully anyone more vulnerable them yourself and should have the emotional intelligence not to snap.

This mother does not know what the school have said or done, or what the boy has said her daughter has done.

I would go on the WhatsApp group and say you are equally as shocked as others at the incident this morning and removed the person as quickly as you could to defuse the situation.
You should as state that you have given a statement so can not comment further.

The boys mother you send a message saying please do not contact me and any further communications will be reported to the police, as you have done nothing wrong and she is bullying you.

Not sure why the replies go off like they do sometimes on Mumset, you’ve made it clear what happened.

As some others have said either ignore or make a post where you may it clear this will be your only response , your friend is an adult, you were not aware of any plans she had to confront this child, you were aware of the issues your friends child was having and this in itself is not acceptable, and neither is your friends behaviour to a child.

this is being dealt with by the Police from the school report to them. You have made a statement to them, because they presented at your home. Add that the whole experiencing is upsetting and ask that people bear in mind that children should be protected at home and school and if anything comes from this , which can be in anyway positive, that you hope the children are supported and not in anyway further affected and tormenting by these events , end off, leave the chats x, wishing you well x

This happened at drop off in the morning. Depends on the school but in the playground at our school there’s one teacher on the gate, then the others are all inside the classroom. Dinner ladies are already in the kitchen. No CCTV as it’s a primary school. So with regards to the parent incident there may not have been many staff at all who saw the whole thing, knew the context and spoke to the mum afterwards.

Ditto the child incident- they said that the teachers didn’t notice but the teacher has eyes on 30 kids, I bet kids sitting on the same table know what’s going on though.

Don’t assume that someone else will always step in.

Forgot to quote post.

No.

My son and I have both dealt with racism and I never threatened to kill the kid.

I'm not going to teach my son that's how things are handled and I'm not going to enforce awful racial stereotypes by looking unhinged.

No to mention this doesn't happen in a vacuum. The kid wasn't born racist. I think there are better ways to combat racism.

If there are better ways to combat racism and bullying why is it still rife in schools then? If it's not sorted after a few decades then the mechanisms to deal with it aren't working are they.

Sorry, but schools are to blame for having way too much tolerance for this. Stop enabling them by blaming the parent for being at her wits end and taking matters into her own hands. I'm surprised people haven't learned anything about the anger this creates in a lot of people after the incident resulting in a global reaction resulting in civil unrest a few years ago.

Finally some sense. The other people defending the physically/verbally abusive mum on here have lost the plot. It is never ok to threaten to kill someone. Especially a child. 10 is definitely still a child last time I checked.

On the basis of some accused slight. Do any of us know the facts here? Until concrete facts are presented with evidence - all else is pure speculation. What a shame to slander a young boy without even knowing the full situation.

Or the civil unrest earlier this summer?

Do explain the parallel here. I don't see it, but obviously these are the kids that weren't put in their place like this woman did.

People taking matters into their own hands in response to what they consider as too much tolerance by the state….

Maybe they should have, the bullying might have stopped!

It did stop anyway. They lived down my
own street. Once I changed schools we had some space and it all went away.

I’ll never side with an adult screaming at a child that they want to hit and kill them over some words no matter how mean those words are.

You’re a grown ass adult. Act like one. leave the childish shit to the children and teach not abuse.

Absolutely, so on the argument of some here, it'll be Absolutely fine for this 10 yo's older brother/dad to approach this woman and scream and threaten her he's going to hurt and kill her, and then in retaliation people from her family threaten them..
And so on infinitum?

Exactly. Let’s get the dad or mum to go screaming at the friend that she/he is going to hit and kill her. Only fair right.

So it only stopped because you changed schools? You shouldn’t have had to.

I mean they didn’t have much choice. I refused to go in. So who knows if the school fixed the bullying. I wasn’t stepping foot inside. They would carry me in and the second they let go I would run off.

I know me and that person never had an issue again after despite living in the same street.

How do you knows it’s the boys mother who is racist? Could equally be his dad, or uncle. Or friend. This is pure speculation. You absolutely cannot threaten to kill a young child and physically dominate/intimidate them based on some projected notion. I would 100% be reporting that woman to the police and pursuing charges.

Age 10 so year 6? By this time next year the kids will all be at secondary and the primary WhatsApp group will be no more and you probably won't have anything to do with most of the parents going forward. Might be worth getting out early.

Why would you advise your child not to get involved? If my child witnessed racial abuse at school she would report it to her teacher immediately.

The mother should have reported the racial abuse to the police the first and every subsequent time it happened (even if the school had been made aware, and regardless of how the school managed it).

I feel very sorry for this mother, regardless of her own wrong behaviour.

A little bit off piste but someone threatened to kill my dd (17), he is due in court under Section 4, making threats without provocation.
It can carry a short prison sentence, the police do take these things seriously.

It was, of course, absolutely wrong for the mother to verbally attack and frighten the young boy. But if you put yourself in the place of the OP's friend, surely you can see that, especially given her other personal circumstances, this was just the last straw for this woman. She was already feeling terrible and then she hears that her daughter is being bullied by a boy in the school. Yes, her behaviour was outrageous and illegal but the lack of sympathy for this woman's situation surprises me.

As for the OP, it is also outrageous that, having done nothing wrong at all, she seems now to be the subject of another form of bullying. As others have suggested, she should inform the group that she is not responsible for someone else's actions - and also that her friend's daughter had been a victim of racism.

She should tell her friend that it was the school who called the police but that her actions were illegal and made that outcome inevitable. I don't agree that the OP should now distance herself from her friend. I would imagine she really needs some support at this moment - and there is an impact on her child too if everybody sends Mum to coventry.

The OP should inform the police of any threatening messages she receives.

The school needs to be right on top of this - it has a duty to inform pupils and parents that racist comments and actions will be dealt with very severely.

feel mam was under a lot of stress and if it had been going on for months school should have done something what mam did was wrong but at same time when its your child probably just had enough not sure why she blames you .but if you knew maybe should have told school and it never needed to go this far

Message your friend explaining you don't agree with what she did but you understand why she did what she did. Tell her you didn't call the police but will have to co operate with them & that you will tell them what the background is as to why she flew off it with the boy. Put short message in the whatsapp group saying you don't condone your friend did however, you will support her as she is having a difficult time & was defending her child. don't engage any further on the group.

According to OP, it has been going on two weeks. The school attempted to address it but it became apparent over the weekend that they were unsuccessful. On Monday morning mother decided to threaten to kill the child instead of telling the school.