To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

If X rays and swabs are needed, a GP wouldn't be able to do this anyway. You also could have taken them in by car if NHS Direct said they needed to be seen. From my experience, if they aren't sure NHS direct always tell you to come in. You can decline the ambulance.

Many GPs won't prescribe antibiotics. If it's viral they definitely won't and prefer it to clear up on its own. Whilst antibiotics are helpful, they also aren't the best thing to be taking and will also upset your gut bacteria. I am on long term antibiotics for a condition and will be life and it brings a whole host of other problems.

If you've never been treated successfully by your GP then move. There are some private GPs around, maybe try there?

Are you getting treatment for your PTSD?

Some GPs are very dismissive.

My mum has been ill for years with a chronic condition which the GP should have done something about sooner.

I doubt I will be the only person who thinks this term is being misused and they are just perpetuating the misuse of it by applying it to medical situations.

Again, gaslighting is about INTENT. An abuser tries to make you question your reality with the express purpose of making you feel like you are going crazy.
Whatever reason a medical professional would have for doing this, whilst it maybe ineptness and is a genuine and serious issue, I cannot ever imagine it being a part of systematic abuse of the patient

Are you usually this sensitive about other people expressing differing opinions to you?

I've declined an ambulance and gone in by myself for my child. They were perfectly fine about it and didn't call the school or report us to social services

So you didn't mean it?

Exactly. It's only if you refuse point blank to go, when advised to do so, that alarm bells start ringing.

Hi OP, I'm not from the UK and feel exactly the same way you do. I've lived in the UK for over 5 years now and still grapple with being brushed off by a doctor. It's not uncommon to be made to feel like they're doing you a huge favor by even speaking to you. As a PP pointed out that's the NHS!
If you can, look into signing up for your own private health care, mine offers access to online GPs who then refer me to whoever I need to see. I've also been prescribed antibiotics when they thought I needed it. Getting a referral to a pediatrician has also been very easy, with a maximum wait time of a week.
I wish I didn't have to pay for private healthcare, it's still an expense but as they say health is wealth so I take it as a necessity as I don't want to be wholly reliant on the NHS.

So the OP could have gone by taxi or drove after saying an ambulance wasn't necessary. That isn't refusing to go, it's agreeing and making your own way

As someone who is a victim of medical gaslighting - ie, not being believed, being constantly dismissed, told i was imagining it, given meds for anxiety & depression, told it was all in my head, and constantly fobbed off for 18 years before finally persuading someone to put me through an MRI scanner, and is now seriously disabled because of the delays, refusals to take my pain seriously, and being essentially told i was imagining it/crazy - yes.. i am sensitive to someone on the internet claiming Medical Gaslighting is a stupid term for it when it's the most accurate term there is for what has happened to myself and MANY people with chronic illness.

I was 'properly' gaslight by my abusive ExH as well.. so i personally understand both terms.

@DinosaurMunch there's a big difference between saying you'll go to A&E under your own steam and refusing to go 🤷‍♀️

Why would anyone? Doctors aren’t saints, in fact they have higher rates of personality disorders than the general population. My abusive ex was a doctor and absolutely treated patients as badly as he treated me, using the same tactics, including gaslighting. His behaviour was so egregious he was struck off but not every doctor who acts abusively at work will meet the very high threshold for that.

I mean, I don’t want to get in to a victim top trumps with you. I have also been on the receiving end of actual gaslighting in an actually abusive relationship myself. Which is why I feel strongly that the term shouldn’t be used when it doesn’t fit. Intent is everything.
Of course I am sorry to hear that has happened to you, I’m not dismissing that this can happen to people and it must be horrendous to be on the receiving end of it. But I am really against the current trend of pop psychology being used to describe every single situation when it doesn’t fit.

It’s the same with the words ‘trauma’ and ‘narcissist’ etc. These words mean something and are being so overused to the point where they don’t mean anything anymore.

In my opinion, whoever coined the term ‘medical gaslighting’ did not understand what gaslighting actually meant and it has now stuck

It’s not gaslighting, it’s doctors in general, you can to most chemists now and they will advise/ help you .

This is beyond wrong, GPs are general practitioners. They're meant to refer to the hospital when things go beyond their scope.

This is not good advice!

I can well believe that. But the OP is referring to multiple doctors… surely you aren’t suggesting that a group of one or more medical professionals are banding together and have a campaign of abuse against the OP?

So you are not bothered about many drunk people needing ambulance help every single night all over the UK? However, the fact that an immigrant mother with a sick child was told to take an ambulance after a long coversation with a medical person who considered it was absolutely necessary is an issue? Why should I have declined the use of ambulance at 2 am when I do not drive?

OP what have drunk people got to do with the price of fish?

You cannot decide arbitrarily that one group of people are less entitled to medical care than others.

It is ok to laugh at a sick patient after their hospitalisation? I take antibiotics at most twice a year when I am very sick indeed this is not relying on them thats what antibiotics are for no?

Followed on from this…..

We dont get sick a lot in our family

OP, each of your posts seem to contradict the one before. And can we all just stop bandying around the word “gaslighting” like it’s trendy? This is not gaslighting. You clearly have pretty severe health anxiety and just for clarity, antibiotics twice a year for 1 person is a lot!!

Your GP is absolutely correct to refuse. I’m willing to bet the majority of the time you’ve had them, there has been no bacteria present.
If you have flu (proper flu, not a heavy cold) then feeling very unwell for two weeks is completely normal. You seem to think you know better than multiple GPs. Overuse of antibiotics creates bacterial immunity to them, a responsible GP will only ever provide them when there is clear evidence of a bacterial infection-and earaches do not need them, except in extremely rare circumstances.
You seem utterly convinced that you and your child are consistently in the (less than) 1% that goes on to develop a more serious infection every single time you pick up a bug. You’re heading into dangerous territory phoning them so often, this sounds like a boy who cried wolf scenario, and one day, when really do need them, they’ll think it’s just another health anxiety attack

Why should I have declined the use of ambulance at 2 am when I do not drive?

Because you should have got a taxi.

OP

please ignore the wittering. Change your GP.

Yes there is a certain level of 'wait and see' as most common childhood ailments, colds/flu's are viral, but the advice is always if you're still ill after 7 days, or getting worse/not better, to seek medical advice.

If you're following that, and you and your kids are ending up in hospital using the Out of Hours emergency drs who are prescribing antibiotics, then you are quite right that your own GP is failing you.

People seem to forget that bacterial infections in children can go very bad very quickly if left too long.

No but there are systematic problems with dismissing women’s pain, and mothers’ perceptions of their children’s illnesses. There’s also a hazing culture in medical training which can produce some really unpleasant cultures in some practices and wards, as well as the aforementioned higher rate of personality disorders in doctors. Against that background, when you encounter the one doctor who will laugh at your pain, tell you black is white and enjoy your reaction, it doesn’t necessarily feel like an isolated incident.

Should is what you should do in whatever scenario you are in. I can do what I think is necessary for my child to access the help they need as this is a human right.

Thank you so much ! Not coming back on here.

I more than agree with the systemic issues and dismissing women’s pain etc. I just don’t think the term gaslighting fits it. Many others on this thread don’t either