To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

That is not a summary.
It's just a representation of one of the graphs in the study.

Can you just say what you mean? Or say what the results of the study were? Why was the doctor struck off?

I have been trying to do this. I live in rural area. Although in theory you can change practice, each has its own catchment area and will not be flexible over the boundaries. So essentially there is no choice. It is a fallacy.

Are you the OP?

The GP doctor told me 'not to go to A&E as they are overwhelmed and it is just a prolonged virus'. After less than 24 hours an ambulance was called by nhs24 doctor and I was told by an A& E staff that I should have come earlier as my child needed treatment not just calpol for 15 days at that stage . The GP doctor later just laughed it all off when to me children being ill is hardly funny. You can call it what you want but I needed help for my child which GP surgery failed to provide and in fact tried to convince me that nothing was wrong except for 'just a virus'.

Couldn't you just have taken your child to A and E in a taxi?

You shouldn’t call it what you want, you should call it what it is. Gaslighting refers to a specific form of abuse intended to literally destroy someone’s mental health. It does not apply your interactions and disagreements with various health professionals.

OP - you sound very combative and have come across as a little rude against people who are trying to make you see things a different way - why even post on mumsnet? if the consensus is, Yes, YABU - why would you then tell everyone WHY you are not BU. Just switch dr's if thats what you want, and perhaps if you get the same there, then you might think its you, or you can keep switching. I do think you seem to have some health anxiety that perhaps you should look at - my father in law has this, it's pretty extreme and hes always calling the dr's. And no - it's not gaslighting, that word is banded around here so much without people actually knowing what it really means. Dr' alss dont just hand out antibiotics that easily, it sounds as if your past experiences with family have made you anxious and therefore here we are.... Good luck with it all, and i hope you all feel better soon.

At the heart of all this is a dismissive and unpleasant manner of the GP. If they begin looking at you as someone who they consider makes too much fuss, they won't be receptive to recognising when you really do need their help. With that as my reason, I'd change practices.
There's a very unpleasant doctor at mine who I've heard told a mother who was worried her daughter's temp wasn't going down to 'stop checking it, then' (student doctor told me this) and who gave me a rough post-birth inspection for that she huffed and sighed at having to do and was so rough she made me cry and has made me a wreck any time I have to have a smear test etc. I've got a note on file never to be seen by her again., so you could do that if you know which doctor was the unpleasant one and changing practices entirely is a faff.

Here it comes. I wasted GPs time, wasted antibiotics, wasted A&E time and didnt even take a taxi ? What a horrid human being! And all for what ? A simple cold?

Listen, I didnt steal anything from any of you and didnt make any of you more vulnerable to some bacterial apocalypse. I will be leaving the group now.

When the NHs 24 deems something as serious enough they no longer let you take a taxi. I was told it will be an ambulance and that was that. You do as you wish yourself with your child . I done what I was advised to do .

Are you from somewhere else, op? IME the way the NHS works often seems a bit off to people who are from countries with an insurance based health service where there’s a bit more hand-holding from doctors and it can make perfectly normal treatment seem a bit lacking, if you’re looking for more intervention and reassurance.

Pharmacist is a great option for some of these minor ailments and they can tell you whether you ought to be seeing a doctor.

I’d Try to take antibiotics less frequently if you can. As well as being bad for antibiotic resistance they are also really bad for you- they screw up your microbiome meaning you’re then susceptible to more things down the line. If you’re taking them twice a year you’ll hardly have recovered from one lot before you take another. Obviously they are life-saving when actually needed and you shouldn’t avoid them if you need them, but if you can get better without them, even better.

I’d also switch GP. You might not get a different approach but it sounds as if you have lost faith in yours so someone new might be better. Or if you can afford it, a private GP will be able to give you a bit more time and attention (although won’t prescribe anything different).

Most adults catch the flu once every 5 years. If you think you’re getting it annually then you’re either misinterpreting colds or have an underlying condition that really needs further investigation. https://www.bbc.com/news/health-31698038.amp

This is an explanation of what gaslighting is.

It's a form of psychological torture.

Not just someone disagreeing with you.
Link

When the NHs 24 deems something as serious enough they no longer let you take a taxi. I was told it will be an ambulance and that was that. You do as you wish yourself with your child . I done what I was advised to do

They can't force you to take an ambulance 🙈

You completely misunderstood the situation. With regards to this context, i have been referring to ' medical gaslighting ' which is absolutely a real thing and you can research this. In many Scandinavian countries you can raise relevant concerns if you have experienced that within a medical setting. You can talk about this as much as you want it is a real thing and it is based on individual experiences in healthcare.

You should definitely change your GP if you don't trust them. I don't think there's much to be gained by collecting evidence or support in saying that they are bad a their job, but hopefully you will find a doctor you can trust.

OK, well change GPS then.

Apparently dairy is linked to lots of sinus problems, have you tried cutting that out?

Well clearly you and your child are ill a lot, hence the post.

Cant help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves 🤷‍♀️ Good luck with the nhs 😂

This is correct. Dairy linked to mucus.

Apparently OP and child are in good health though. OP, maybe the doctors are reacting like we are for the same reasons?

Why would I deny it when I cannot drive and it was already called for me and my child? I pay high taxes together with my partner I dont feel any guilt about that. I didnt call it.

OP you and your children are unwell more than most. You aren’t listening to the hundreds of posts telling you this.

Taking antibiotics twice a year is a lot. It is normal to go years between needing them. It’s been about 10 years for me I think.

Getting flu every year is not normal. I have had it once in my life when tamiflu went round years ago.

You need to investigate the underlying issues of why your immune systems are so weak.

Taking antibiotics twice a year is a huge amount! I’ve had antibiotics about twice in my life, and I’m nearly 60. My adult daughters have never had antibiotics. One had them once as a child. If you are a sickly family, which you seem to be, you need to look at other reasons for the constant illnesses.

To put it in perspective, my child has one ear infection and two knock out respiratory virus’ in his whole babyhood. Your child is ill a lot.

Well whomever came up with ‘medical gaslighting’ is an imbecile. I don’t doubt that people experience lack of care or concern from health professionals… but gaslighting is all about intent. It is used with the express intention of making you question your reality and is only applicable to personal, abusive relationships. Whatever a medical professional’s intent is when they minimise health concerns, while it may well be unfair of them, they are not doing it with the intention of making you feel like you’re going insane. They’re probably just not very good at their jobs.

My children are close together in age and go to different schools/childcare settings. They are also post covid children and been exposed to more than people who might comment on here. I was told by many doctors that currently this is the norm because their immune systems havent developed yet. They havent been ill since before they gone to school and they lived all over the world. Many kids in their classes come in sick and so they catch that. I was told it is not a concern by many doctors as they see an increase of infections in children post covid. Thank you

No idea why you're getting such a hard time OP. Lots of Monday morning grumpiness on here it seems.

Advice on ear infections seems to still differ. My GP will give antibiotics if it's in both ears but not just one, but I have friends whose children get given them for single ear infections so it's not consistent.

I also get recurring uti's so do need antibiotics probably twice a year, I avoid them until I really can't cope but if you have an infection you need antibiotics, lot of very lucky people on here who never get ill apparently