To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

I feel for you OP. I have been having recurrent ear infections - really severe and debilitating pain for several weeks each time, perforated ear drums.. the lot! I know when I need to go to the ENT emergency clinic to have my ears suctioned but will the GPs call them for me? Nope. This is despite ENT writing to them to tell them I should have a "low threshold" for referrals. GPs just act like I am a bit thick and malingering every time. I actually have an extraordinarily high pain threshold and was able to walk around the hospital with relative ease after a major surgery.. but they just seem to assume I'm being a bit wimpy!

The last time this happened, I just went and sat in A&E after the GP said no again. Minor injuries picked me up instead, looked in my ears and exclaimed at how bad they were, immediately called ENT who came and sorted me out. I've had follow up appointments since where ENT have told me to present at A&E in future if my GP won't call them in that situation.

You'd think that, given the medical history over the past 18 months, they'd just call ENT at this point - especially as that's what ENT have asked them to do! But the only GPs I've managed to persuade to do it in a timely manner are registrars. By the time I get to ENT they are always horrified at what I've been left to deal with but still nothing changes.

Incidentally, this GP practice are positively fabulous with every single other issue my family have been to them with since moving to the area. For some reason, "minor" infections just seem to fall through the cracks 🤷🏼‍♀️

He is not its just that your child might have coughs that last forever so they can go on to school and keep on being 'not sick' to your standards whilst mine rarely get coughs at all but get a fever as a first response so i know they are sick.

Any doctor who tells you it’s normal for a baby or child to be chronically sick is talking out of their butts. Breastfeeding and diet is of major importance, we underplay that. And the other reason for this normalisation of children being chronically sick, well it’s already been mentioned.

Yes, I know!!!

But people say they have "flu" when they have a bad cold. Mostly when people say they have flu they DO NOT have influenza.

It's a misused term.

Sorry, but you should have got a taxi.

Ambulances are not supposed to be used to ferry people to hospital unless they're very seriously ill or in the throes of an emergency.

I am severely disabled.

I am ill a lot.

In my experience the nhs doctors respond in one of two ways:

This is not serious stop bothering us you are wasting our time

Generally shortly followed by:

This is really serious why didn't you seek medical attention sooner?

BTW to the people saying diet/probiotics etc will sort everything - I'd like to see them fix serious asthma and copd.

And the person who suggested cutting out dairy - why not suggest homeopathy while you're at it?

Either way they blame you.

Chronically sick and sick twice a year is completely different things. Just have a good day. Glad your children are superheroes

.........mine rarely get coughs at all but get a fever as a first response so I know they are sick

That's what happens to all children when they have infections, viral or otherwise.

OP you said way way back in the thread that you might go private.

I really think that would be best all round.

Far better than sitting on the internet arguing over and over for 4.5 hours.

That's not going to do anyone any good.

Well you can do that for your child ? You cannot really tell other people what they should or should not do. An ambulance was called to my door as my child developed a sensitivity to light and a horrific new headache. At that point that was the call a doctor over the phone made I was given no choice in the matter . Goodbye.

Change GP definitely. I think pharmacies now are able to sort antibiotics so maybe go straight to the pharmacy for any infections.

OP, respectfully, most of us here are parents. We have, or have had, small children. It isn't normal to get severely ill that often. If all of my family were regularly needed a dr, I would be very concerned and pushing hard to find out why. Not quibbling over antibiotics.

I know there’s no point engaging with this thread anymore but I’m annoyed on your behalf at the pile on OP! Doctors are people, and the same people who abuse their partners absolutely can also treat others they encounter in similar ways, especially when they are in positions of power. Medical trauma and medical gaslighting are both real, there are often other threads about this in the context of eg obstetric violence where no one disputes it. Perhaps you overestimate how many antibiotics you need, perhaps you don’t, either way random people on the internet can’t actually judge and the tone has become really bullying at this point.

This.

This report is interesting.

it says “Half of antibiotics prescribed to adults in primary care were for <10% of patients. Efforts to tackle antimicrobial resistance should consider the impact of this on total prescribing.”

So yes, it is not usual to be having so many antibiotics.

Op as an aside, if you are as rude to your doctors as as you are here, I’m not surprised they are hacked off with you.

Very similar situation here with both my child and myself having possible ENT issues that GPs are not interested in. Only my child was put on a list to get the tonsils removed (we been waiting now for over 18 months there is very little movement ) Every time I feel like this is not taken into account . Even here I mentioned it many times only a few posters picked up the rest are just posting how ' you get ill terrible lot you are a chronically ill family stop'. Thank you for your input very much I will be muting the chat now. All the best x

I dont want to pay for something I am already paying through my taxes. I want for my child to be at least examined before being told over the phone 'its viral' and not to be laughed at. Its really not a big ask.

How many of those 10% have lowered immunity, are very elderly, have catheters, disabilities that make infection more likely, recurrent utis, or just extra narrow eustachian tubes? Not usual doesn’t mean not warranted for all of those people.

If you don't take a child to a and E when told to by NHS 111 they inform social services. You can't just decline an ambulance for your child once they've decided that's needed

I was about to post "are you from abroad" and then read this.
Welcome to the NHS. Anyone who has ever used a doctor abroad will know what an actual doctor is.

Here they are a different breed and it's considered acceptable. They do not listen to the patients, take any account of personal particularities, or do anything out of precaution.
They practice checkbook medicine , ie based on stats bit by definition missing marginal cases. So if you don't fit their boxes, you can't get anywhere.
Worse, they have less than 0 interest in listening to you. They approach you with a restrictive list of yes no questions and based on your answers will usher you to the conclusion their computer tells them. No nuance is allowed.

Their medical knowledge is / becomes appalling due to years of checkboxing. Often the patient knows way more than they do.

It's beyond appalling, yes it's the same everywhere in the UK, yes they're super defensive. And yes there's a reason people here fly back to war zones just to see a semi-decent doctor

I am not exaggerating. The level of medical care and the incompetence of staff is mind-boggling.

The toxic power dynamics of gaslighting in medicine - PMC

I suggest you shut up and do some reading.

Medical Gaslighting is very much a thing.

@Errors
How to Spot Medical Gaslighting and What to Do About It

What to do about medical gaslighting - Harvard Health

Medical gaslighting: What is it? And how to be heard | Healthlink

Twice a year for antibiotics is a lot nowadays. Back in the 80's/90's they were prescribed without caution really. But now it is known that antibiotics are not necessary all the time. It's my understanding that antibiotic drops are the preferred treatment for ear Infections now if they don't go away, although most are caused by viruses.

So it is hard to say if you have some health anxiety or it's GP.

But I do have the experience of not being taken seriously by the GP and I moved to a practice who I have more confidence in.

I didn’t say it wasn’t a thing, I said whomever came up with that term is ridiculous. If you know what gaslighting means, then this term makes no sense. They should have come up with a different word for it - THAT is what I am trying to say. So maybe you should shut up and read my posts. Or don’t, I couldn’t give a fuck to be honest

Your issue with a well-known and well recognised term for a long standing problem within the medical community is a You problem.