To not invite my parents' siblings to my child's wedding

[userzerozerozero]

I need to sanity check my thinking. My son is getting married, large wedding, no budget constraints fortunately. Long back story but I am NC with my own sibling and my parents have not been supportive of me over this however I still have a relationship with them and see them regularly. Our relationship is not positive and my MH around them is terrible. I come from a background where family is everything and there is a lot of pressure to do the right thing in terms of inviting wider family to significant events though I have broken rules around this many times in the past.

My mother's brother and family have been very supportive of me through the ups and downs of my decision around breaking ties with my sibling and have offered support and advice when needed while still remaining close with my parents. They are lovely to my son but they are not close with them IFYSWIM.

Now my son is getting married and we've decided as a family not to invite my uncle and aunt mostly at the request of my son and his partner as they want more friends and a younger vibe. Deep down I'm wondering whether I've gone along with this to punish my parents in a way. My uncle will be deeply disappointed but they won't make a fuss. AIBU to just go along with it knowing my parents will be upset and potentially my uncle as well?

It’s the bride and groom’s decision, not anyone else’s.

I don’t see the connection between the situation with your sibling and not inviting your aunt and uncle to a family wedding.

Not inviting close family to a wedding in order to have a ‘younger vibe’ seems a pretty strange decision!!

Depends on how large the wedding. If it's large enough to have work colleagues and plus ones, people they know through hobbies and friends beyond very close inner friendship groups than not inviting family is mean. It's their wedding but young people do need guidance and eg the 12 people on the football team may seem important today but those sorts of friends are generally transient based on a particular activity and when you cease you are no longer close friends.

Ultimately its their decision... but I would encourage them to reconsider.

It's not your choice anyway?

Well, a wedding is one way to thank people who have been good to you so I understand that you’re disappointed. And I would be sad if my son didn’t acknowledge it with an invitation.

I think you'll regret excluding them.

This.

This situation destroyed my family. The grandmother moaned relentlessly about how the great aunts/uncles should be invited. Totally ignoring the extra generation’s difference imo.

Eventually there was a huge argument about it. No one spoke for years.

You make some good points.

@userzerozerozero surely the guest list is decided by the bride and groom, not you?

I agree that not inviting close family looks like a snub though.

What I'm afraid of.

At the end of the day it should be the bride and groom’s choice, not yours.

But the “younger vibe” is such a shame. The whole point of a wedding to me is that it is a bringing together of all the people who play an important role in your life - young and old.

Sort of is as we are paying for the wedding and will have our own friends on the guest list.

I think it’s actually unspeakably rude. This is your sons aunt and uncle.

Oops no it’s not. It’s your aunt and uncle. It’s still really rude.

Oh dear...

People say it's the bride and grooms decision but weddings are about family. The uncle and aunt sound more support than your parents.
25 years on, I still see my family but have lost touch with some of the friends.
Are the b&g paying for the whole wedding?
And you said money no object. I'll imagine they'll hear about the big wedding they weren't invited to. It won't be the same again (for you either) over 2 invites to a big wedding.

It's entirely up to the bride and groom who to invite to their wedding.

It if their wedding not yours. You should have nothing to do with the guest list

Invite them, you will regret it. It is better to do the right thing rather than what your son wants sometimes.

Can you just invite them to the evening bit

I'd be so so disappointed in them for the "younger vibe" stuff. Ultimately its up to them but still..... any chance you could just be blunt and remind them it's a wedding, not an 18th and to grow up a bit?

Er, no, you invite them. They’ve been important people in your family life.

Can’t believe you think it is ok to bin them for being an ‘older vibe’ - how fucking rude is that.

I see huge problems with this statement, and I'm expecting a cultural drip feed here but it is NOT your wedding and NOT your decision.

I would imagine the bride is really gritting her teeth over her future MIL holding sway over the guest list , and believing because they are paying for it that gives them some sort of control.

Honestly this is why weddings create issues!

They're the great aunt and uncle of the groom - is he close to them? If you're paying and expecting an allocation of "guests" due to this, it's your choice to invite friends over your family then - if you've got your own friends on the guest list, why have you prioritised them for slots over your family?

I don't think a "young vibe" is always an issue, some people want their weddings to be a party with friends rather than a gathering of long distant relatives they don't know well.