About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

9 months? She wouldn’t be going anywhere with them alone!

I don't think she will get confused though.

I would be so cross in your shoes, particularly with your DH being such a wet blanket about raising it with them. But honestly, she won’t be confused, she’ll learn pretty quickly to respond to a number of names (real names or nicknames!)

Must be hard to be attracted to such a mummy's boy.. Maybe tell him just that. Have any of them got name alternatives you could use?

I got called four different names by different members of my family my entire childhood, Reba by my parents, Rebbie by my siblings, Becca or Becs by my maternal grandparents and Nutty by my paternal grandparents. Oh and I suppose my great gran insisted on Rebecca so five. It caused precisely zero issues for me learning my name, and did me no damage whatsoever being called different things by different people.

I appreciate there's a backstory with your ILs but I really don't think the nickname/name/pet name they use for your child is a hill worth dying on. I'm sure however I'll be in the minority with this view on here.

(Realistically if you are dead set on her being Lottie that's what you should've called her, then at least you'd have the argument "that's her name" on your side!)

Bit irritating, but she won't be confused by it and it probably isn't worth making a big deal out of. When children are a little older they often correct people who don't get their names right themselves.

Your dh should say "Mum, we've called her Lotte, can you please use that" but it won't matter in the slightest to her that different people call her different names. dc are fine with that.

Let it go. Not worth your energy. When she is old enough she will tell them herself!

I don’t think she will get confused and it makes sense that she learns both names and know they apply to her. You don’t want her to end up in a dangerous situation when out with nursery, in hospital, or at school that would have been prevented if she had responded when someone said “Charlotte, stop” because they used the name on her birth certificate.

I don’t think she’d get confused. Lots of little ones have various nicknames. Can see why you find it annoying though.

You have a DH problem.

It very easy to change a baby’s name in the first year. You just have to have the birth certificate amended. I’d tell your ILs that as they have trouble remembering her name you’ve decided to change the birth certificate to Lottie to avoid further confusion.

I might be the only one here who thinks YABU.

Her name is Charlotte according to her birth certificate

PIL’s are calling her the name you gave her and you have an issue

Lottie is a lovely name if you wanted to call her that, should of named her that

It is a nice nickname but it might be good for her to learn both.

I agree with this. YABU. Her grandparents are calling her by the name you gave her.

Her name is Charlotte. If you don't want people to call her by her name then you shouldn't have named her that.

I don't think she'll get confused, and she'll just associate them with calling her a different name.

But I definitely think you need to ask them to buy "The Lottie Project" for her for Christmas (Jacqueline Wilson). It'll be exactly right for this circumstance. 🤣

I have a proper name on my birth cert and have always managed quite easily! To put it bluntly you created this problem yourselves as my mum did. I even answer to 3 different versions of my name and managed this from an early age.

I would use both so she is aware from birth that that’s her name.

YABU and very precious. They are calling her by her name. It could be the other way round and you want to call her Charlotte and they abbreviate it to Lottie. Also fine.

It's not like they he said Charlotte is awful, we will call her Jemima. She isn't going to get confused.

It would also be fine if they come up with their own nickname and call her Boo or Monkey or Pickle or whatever.

She might like the fact her grandparents call her by a name nobody else does. Kind of the thing they have together, a specialness. She might tell them when she’s old enough to stop calling her Charlotte because she prefers Lottie.

Don’t stress, it’ll right itself.

I can see why it irritates you, but I don't think it's a problem as such.

I have a full, formal double-barrelled name that was really only ever used by my grandparents (and my mother when I was in trouble!) and on official documents; a shorter version of that name that I use on a day-to-day basis, at work etc; and a further shortened version used by siblings and cousins and close friends.

It has aye been thus and I promise you, I've never wondered what my name is.

Completely agree.

You've chosen the name Charlotte and said you don't mind if you calls herself that do you must like it.

Mountain out of a molehill.

She won’t get confused, she won’t fail to learn her name and she won’t have any negative outcome from one set of grandparents calling her Charlotte and the rest saying Lottie.

You’re making this into an issue because it annoys you. Just let it go.

What an overreaction 🤣😳

Her names is Charlotte. She needs to know that name first anyway.

My dd had no trouble knowing she had a long name and a short name. We used bother from the start.

My grandmother always referred to boobs as "Lotties". Maybe they're aware of this old-fashioned reference, which is why it may feel awkward to them. A bit like you insisting they call her Titty. Just a thought.